Prayers for Lisa

I have some really hard news to tell all of you about our sweet Lisa.  I keep typing and erasing and typing and erasing because there is just not an easy way to say this.  Lisa and Barry lost their precious baby at 14 weeks.  Please go over to Lisa's blog to let her know that you are praying for them. 

Just in case some of Lisa's IRL (in real life) friends and family might read my blog, I wanted to share this link (click on the posts below) with helpful information on helping someone through a loss.  The main lesson I've learned from experiencing a loss myself and hearing from others who have experienced loss that comments trying to make them "feel better" should be avoided during this time.  Just let them grieve.  cry.  Let them be angry.  And let them grieve on their own timetable.  There is no right way to grieve, and there are no words to say to make them feel better right now.

We love you Lisa.

Significance of Dates

Recently while cruising through Wal-Mart, I noticed that the minute maid pink lemonade was on sale for $1.  Since I pretty much adore pink lemonade and a sale, I ran over to put one in my cart.  I reached for a carton, and the expiration date immediately jumped out to me...SEPT 25 10.  It surprised me, and I almost put the lemonade back, but I decided that three years and a miracle later that I could handle seeing that date every time I opened the fridge.  I was wrong.

Every. single. time. I opened the fridge...I saw the date and my heart reacted.  September 25, 2007 was the day that I've never felt so empty in my life.  Just days before, I was full of life...patting my itty bitty bump knowing that there was a baby with a heartbeat inside of me. But on September 25th, I woke up from anesthesia knowing that my baby was gone from me.

I will say that time has helped the date to not be as difficult as it was in the past.  I can remember balling my eyes out at a Grey's Anatomy season premiere commercial because the date was September 25th.  For this reason, I can always answer my friends and hubby when they ask when the fall shows are starting back.

Dates are so significant.  It might be the anniversary of starting to try to conceive, the start of a new school year, holidays, your first RE appt.  Whatever that date or dates might be for you...realize that it is okay to grieve.  It is okay to recognize that it hurts still and that you need to "check out" for a day or two.  As a wise infertile friend once told me..."you don't have to be a hero."  If there is a baby shower scheduled for that day or even a baptism at church, you don't have to go.  It is okay to take some time...even years later.

Praying for a Little One--for K

This month's praying for a little one is a sweet, sweet reader that I've had the blessing of "knowing" and praying for through email (prayingforalittleone@gmail.com) for about two months now.  K's blog is anonymous so we will just call her K as she goes by on her blog, and we won't get any pics this time :).  She just started her blog so please add her to your google reader so she can get some support!!  Hope y'all enjoy the new Q&A format.

Tell us your ttc journey so far

So here is our ttc story so far...

I have never been on the birth control pill. When my husband and I married in Oct 2008 we decided that we would just use condoms – that only lasted 2 months. 

We stopped using “protection” during the month December 2008. We agreed that it would be totally fine if we “accidentally” got pregnant. (Secretly - or not so secretly - I was hoping that we would get pregnant, and was always slightly disappointed when my period came) I started taking prenatal vitamins “just in case”.

After a few months we decided that it was time to really start trying. I researched as much as I could about ttc - ovulation calendars, websites, asking questions to a few friends and hours at the library looking at books. 

Most of my friends have kids, and almost all of them got pregnant with in 1 or 2 months of trying and a few even had “surprise” pregnancies. I was certain that it would work right away for me too! I even went to garage sales and baby stores and bought a few baby items – a vintage baby bathtub and a cute little baby dish set, some little tiny socks, a snuggle toy just to name a few. K and I also had our names picked out. The first month that I got a BFN,  I was convinced it was wrong. (I thought for sure I must have “implantation bleeding” turns out it was my period)

I was so disappointed, but was I was also just as convinced that the next month would work…and the next month…and the next month…etc. 

I finally came to the realization that conceiving isn’t as “scientific” as I thought. After reading so many books I realized that I almost took God out of the equation. I felt like maybe it was my fault for putting my faith in “science” (sperm + egg = baby…simple) rather than putting my faith in Him and maybe He was teaching me a lesson. So I left the library and started reading Christian books about ttc. I memorized scripture, studied Hannah and Sarah’s stories and really put my faith in God, and remembered and recognized that I can take all the right steps, but ultimately it is in HIS hands. HE is the one who gives life. 

After about 9 months K went to get tested. They found that he had low sperm count, and low motility. 2 weeks later we were referred to a fertility clinic about 45 mins from where we live. After some investigation they told me that I had small eggs, and that might be the reason we haven’t conceived. 

So began appointment after appointment. 

So far we’ve done:

• 9 cycles of "actual trying" natural

• 1 cycles of investigative appointments

• 3 cycles of Femara 

• 1 cycle “off” (we still “tried” but took a month away from the clinic)

• 2 cycles of Puregon injections and IUI

I still have yet to see a BFP. 

Despite the emotional rollercoaster that this is, I really try to stay focused on God and keep my faith and hope in him!  I really believe that I will be a mother one day.

What is the hardest part of infertility for you?

There are two “hardest” things for me. One is the unknown. If I knew for sure that I would be pregnant at a certain time, then I could just focus on that and go through all the “hoops” to get there. But it is the unknown that I find so difficult. Not knowing how or when it will happen. Imagining the future and all the “what if’s” and wishing that I could just know!    The second is how lonely it can make me feel. I don’t know anyone else who is dealing with this same thing – it is not something that I hear people talking about around where I live.

Specific prayer requests?

My prayer requests are for emotional strength for both my husband and I – that we won’t lose hope and that we will stay positive and strong. And that I will become pregnant and we will have a healthy baby at the end of this journey!

How can a "fertile" friend be a support to a friend dealing with infertility?

If you have a friend who is going through infertility – I would say the best way to be supportive is to listen. Allow her to talk through what she is going through. And keep telling her that you are praying for her. When I know people are praying, it really encourages me.  The thing that I wish a person would understand about infertility is how emotionally draining it is. All the appointments etc can be physically tiring, but every unsuccessful cycle is emotionally exhausting! That even if the person is acting happy and “normal” they are hurting inside and a lot of tears fall behind closed doors. And a good hug and a cup of tea with a friend always make things feel better. (at least it does for me)

**Note from Courtney--K and her husband just recently decided to go with their RE's recommendation for IVF with ICSI so they are prepping for IVF this month.  So grateful that we have the opportunity to pray with them through this most emotionally and physically difficult process/treatment.  Praying for a miracle!!