Recently while cruising through Wal-Mart, I noticed that the minute maid pink lemonade was on sale for $1. Since I pretty much adore pink lemonade and a sale, I ran over to put one in my cart. I reached for a carton, and the expiration date immediately jumped out to me...SEPT 25 10. It surprised me, and I almost put the lemonade back, but I decided that three years and a miracle later that I could handle seeing that date every time I opened the fridge. I was wrong.
Every. single. time. I opened the fridge...I saw the date and my heart reacted. September 25, 2007 was the day that I've never felt so empty in my life. Just days before, I was full of life...patting my itty bitty bump knowing that there was a baby with a heartbeat inside of me. But on September 25th, I woke up from anesthesia knowing that my baby was gone from me.
I will say that time has helped the date to not be as difficult as it was in the past. I can remember balling my eyes out at a Grey's Anatomy season premiere commercial because the date was September 25th. For this reason, I can always answer my friends and hubby when they ask when the fall shows are starting back.
Dates are so significant. It might be the anniversary of starting to try to conceive, the start of a new school year, holidays, your first RE appt. Whatever that date or dates might be for you...realize that it is okay to grieve. It is okay to recognize that it hurts still and that you need to "check out" for a day or two. As a wise infertile friend once told me..."you don't have to be a hero." If there is a baby shower scheduled for that day or even a baptism at church, you don't have to go. It is okay to take some time...even years later.
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5 comments:
It's so true! We have to learn to take care of ourselves and not let our pride get in the way. Throw that lemonade away! :)
My mum knew an old lady who passed away a couple of years ago now. She has a 60 year old son, but still as she was dying one of the last things she said was about going to see her baby, the baby she lost before her son was born. It doesn't matter how long ago, these things don't leave you. It is just sometimes the memory, grief and emotion is stronger then at others.
you know after today's news it is funny that i should read your blog. you would think i would be having a pitty party of my own but i something inside me told me that your blog sounds so true for me about Sept. 25 being the next new time to ttc. Thanks again for a wonderful word of encouragement!!!
Beautiful post!
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