Crazy TTC Dreams

I was conversing with a reader through email yesterday (prayingforalittleone@gmail.com), and she asked me if I ever had crazy dreams while trying to conceive.  Oh boy did I ever!!  I always had them more often during the two week wait probably because that was by far the hardest part of a cycle for me.  I actually had a reoccurring dream that every time I went into a store the song by Ace of Base "All That She Wants" would start playing.  For those of you who aren't familiar with this classic song, the chorus goes "All that she wants is another baby...ohohohoh."  Another dream that I had during my friend's ivf cycle was that I was in charge of "babysitting" her embryos.  I was freaking out because I had no lab experience lol...it was a very stressful dream.  I also had a dream one time that they told me my fsh was like fifty something, and I was actually relieved in my dream for a few minutes because it meant I could stop treatments (this was probably a dream in the middle of a clomid hot flash).  Anyways now that I've made myself sound completely crazy (as if I haven't already on this blog!)...it is your turn!  What crazy ttc dreams have you had?

Better Than a Hallelujah

Several new posts below as I'm finally catching up on blogging...


A few weeks back I got the sweetest text message from my friend Laura who said that she thought of me when she heard the new song by Amy Grant "Better Than a Hallelujah," and she thanked me for making her sensitive to those who are struggling with infertility.  I actually had not heard the song yet when I got her text message but heard it on the radio not long after I got her message, and I immediately started crying when I heard the song.  These lyrics are so true.  How many times in the midst of infertility did I find myself unable to even find the words to pray?  God hears our heart.  Even recently, I've been walking with a friend through a very difficult time and find myself not having words when praying on her behalf.  God knows our needs. He just wants us to come to Him.

Lyrics and youtube video below...

Better Than a Hallelujah by Amy Grant
God loves a lullaby 
In a mothers tears in the dead of night 
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes. 
God loves the drunkards cry, 
The soldiers plea not to let him die 
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes. 

We pour out our miseries 
God just hears a melody 
Beautiful the mess we are 
The honest cries of breaking hearts 
Are better than a Hallelujah. 

The woman holding on for life, 
The dying man giving up the fight 
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes 
The tears of shame for what's been done, 
The silence when the words won't come 
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes. 

Better than a church bell ringing, 
Better than a choir singing out, singing out.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3AmhFXckSc&feature=fvw

Perfect Timing.

It wasn't until I retold my journey through infertility at the May support group meeting that I finally got something that I've known all along, but I have never truly processed.

Leaving my surgery, August 11, 2008...my mom told me that my Aunt had the same surgery and had my cousin Hannah almost a year to the day of the surgery.  I think I actually rolled my eyes in the backseat and uttered a "yeah right" to myself.

Based on the day of conception of Henry (our fourth IUI)--definitely ovulated that day because I felt it, our due date was EXACTLY one year to the DAY of my surgery...August 11, 2009.

In order for that to happen, God had to perfectly time my ovulation to that ONE out of 365 24 hour period.

Which also had to time out to be 10 days before Thanksgiving Day (God knows I'm an early tester) so that I could find out I was pregnant on a holiday like I always dreamed (He hears even our small dreams)

 And then He timed Henry's birth to be August 7, 2009.  7 lbs 7 ounces at 7:04 PM (5 minutes earlier, and it wouldn't have been 7...one or two days later and Henry would have weighed more).  7 is the number of completion.

And on the day, He made a hard, difficult journey into a beautiful birth story.

God's timing is always perfect...oh how often I need to be reminded of this.

Praying for a Little One- for Anonymous

For the month of June, we are going to do something a little different around here.  We will continue to pray for Becky, Lisa, and Loren, but this month I want to pray for the women (who may read this blog without commenting) that struggle alone with infertility. This was put on my heart in two different ways this month.  The first way was while holding hands praying with amazing women at our local support group.  Surrounded by such a strong strength and bond with these women made me feel called to pray for women who for whatever reason might not have such support.  It could be that she doesn't feel comfortable attending a support group or that she hasn't even told anyone about their struggles.  Infertility can be such a silent struggle.  You might be one of these women.  Your husband might have asked you not to say a word to anyone, or it hurts too much to even talk about it.  The second way this was put on my heart was when I asked a former anonymous commenter that I correspond with through email (email me anytime at prayingforalittleone@gmail.com) to be this month's praying for a little one.  We prayed for her previously through this blog so she felt selfish (although she shouldn't :) ) to take the spot.  She mentioned how the post to the Girl in the Purple Shirt that I posted originally spoke to her and she asked if we could pray for others like her who aren't talking to anyone in "real life."  Looking back at that post, I realized that I never even posted it over here (posted on forthislittleone) so here it is below...followed by a prayer for those of you who remain anonymous.

Dear Girl in the Purple Shirt at Wal-Mart,
You don't know me, but I couldn't help but overhear your phone conversation today with your mom.  I really didn't mean to eavesdrop, but you said estrogen really loud and words like that get my attention.  A progesterone level of 14 isn't the best, but it isn't nearly as bad as your gyn nurse made you think.  I don't know why they wanted it to be at least 18...pretty sure 16 was the "great" ovulatory number just last year.  I would be surprised if your dr already wants to up your dosage just based on that progesterone number.  I really wanted to say something to you, but you made absolutely no eye contact with me, and I don't blame you.  I was just another young "fertile" mom to you with a sweet baby asleep in my cart, and you were in too much pain to look.  I even heard you complain to your mom about how walmart has now changed their layout so that you have to walk right through the baby section to get anywhere.  I remember all too well avoiding "that" corner of walmart, and I really do understand why walking by something as simple as formula and baby food causes a lump in your throat on a bad day.  It was like baby was everywhere in the store (including this really adorable baby girl with a sheep coat on), and I felt terrible that I was part of causing you pain.  I really hope your miracle is coming soon and that one day you will be able to do something as simple as grocery shopping without feeling the pain.  I've been there, and I know how infertility follows you throughout your day. 
Love,
A Fellow Infertile Wal-Mart Shopper


Lord, we are coming together now asking for you to wrap your comforting arms around those who are hurting too deeply to speak or to seek out support.  You know their names.  You know the plans you have for them, and we rest in knowing that in Your time...You will provide.  Give them peace that surpasses all understanding and give them the strength to reach out to others if that is what they need right now.  We also pray protection over their heart when hurtful words or medical facts come their way.  We love you, and we thank you that we can come to you with all of our burdens...big and small.  Amen.           

Product Review: First Response Fertility Test

I saw the commercial for First Response Fertility Tests probably close to a year ago now and even though I was completely annoyed at how the commercials seemed to associate infertility with age, the POAS-aholic in me couldn't resist.  So when I started my first cycle after Henry this past week, I made a trip to Wa.lmart (who has the best price at 20 bucks for 2, also there is a coupon for 2 bucks off on the FR website) to purchase the test.  The night before cycle day 3, I set out the box in front of the toilet with my pee cup (yes I still have a special pee cup in my bathroom cabinet) so that I wouldn't forget since the test instructions say that you have to use first morning urine on cycle day 3 (and no telling how long it will take for me to get another cycle since my cycles are forever long!!).  Woke up on cycle day 3 to my old pee cup friend and took the test, but I wasn't too nervous waiting for the results since I already knew that I have an elevated fsh (around 10) for my age.  According to the directions, after a wait time of 30 minutes if the line is lighter than the control line or not there at all, then you have a "normal" fsh.  Well my line was not as dark as the control line and that left me a little confused.  After all, it has been almost two years since I had my fsh tested so my egg supply couldn't have gotten better over the years.  I found myself staring at the lines over and over just like I previously stared at opks and pregnancy tests, and there was lots of googling and even calling the company.  Through my google search, I found that most fsh urine tests have a sensitivity of 25 mIU/ml.  Based on what I've read about fsh in the past, 25 is basically game over for using your own eggs because most REs won't try with those numbers.  Since I was told by several customer representatives that the sensitivity of their fertility test was "proprietary information" (although they have no problem publishing the sensitivity of their pregnancy tests and opks), I can't help but assume that it is the same sensitivity as other fsh urine tests used in medical offices (think the urine tests are typically just used to screen for menopause).  I have a huge problem with this because even though some women with an extremely high fsh level might take the test and get a positive and immediately go to a dr to get tested.  Other women might see that their line was kinda dark but not dark enough and assume that their egg supply or quality has nothing to do with their fertility problems.  This helpful link explains fsh and a chart for typical lab values and corresponding success with fertility treatments.  Take a look at a fsh of 15 for instance with less of a response to stimulation and a lower embryo quality...if the sensitivity of the FR test is what I assume (and again no way to know since the company won't say), a woman with a 15 fsh would have tested negative.  The really annoying customer service rep guy that I talked to kept saying that my results meant that I had an "adequate ovarian reserve."  I really wanted to start laughing at him when he tried to explain fsh to me, but I decided to give the poor guy a break.  


So in my opinion should you buy this test and try it?  Not unless you feel like paying twenty bucks to pee on a stick that isn't going to give you a definitive answer (unless your fsh is sky high...and not sure you would want to find out that from peeing on a stick).  My advice...get your RE or your GYN to run your cycle day 3 FSH number and know the exact number.


And remember...be your own advocate!


Okay here is a pic of my stick taken from my cell phone so it is poor quality and the line looked darker in person.

  

A Miracle.

Continue your prayers for sweet Becky and her husband this month.  Their story is below.

I want all of you who feel that you are in a good enough place right now to go read the birth story over at Making Lemonade.  Miracles happen every day.  This baby (Chase) was covered in prayer before he was even conceived, and his story is a sweet testament of God's faithfulness.  

Warning--don't read this at work because you will cry.

Praying for a Little One--for Becky

Please join me in prayer for Becky this month (April-May) and let her know if you prayed for her in the comments section. I know she will be encouraged by all of your prayers, and I know all of you will be blessed by her story.  I don't need lots of comments on my other posts (haven't been getting a lot lately....are ya'll still out there??), but I do expect my readers to come out of hiding or google reader (I'm guilty too!) to comment on these praying for a little one posts as I know it would be very encouraging to Becky.

Becky and her husband, John, started trying a little over a year into their marriage.  They didn't immediately go for testing since there was some time that they were apart due to both being in the military.  Their initial testing did find one problem, but their doctor didn't explain the severity of the issue.  A simple google search left Becky staring at the screen in disbelief that it appeared IVF was the only option for them to conceive.  (Becky has not discussed the details of their diagnosis on her blog for privacy reasons).  Their first IVF attempt did result in a precious little life, but sadly Becky's pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.  Becky and John believed this sweet baby was a girl and named her Johannah Elise.  During their second IVF attempt, Becky was given some very distressing news from her embryologist that was noticed during their first IVF.  After receiving the news that IVF #2 was negative, Becky and her husband felt that God gave them a clear no and took time to mourn the loss of a biological child.  As Becky explains in this post, "There are very real losses that must be dealt with and accepted before you can move forward with adoption with an open heart. What I realized is that for me the pain of seeing a pregnant women was less about the experience of pregnancy and more about the child that would come. I want to be a parent more than I want to be pregnant."                 Becky and John felt called to adopt from South Korea through a designated adoption opportunity that came to them but eventually fell through.  Even though it was very disappointing, Becky and her husband are glad that the opportunity led them to South Korea adoptions as they definitely feel that they are supposed to adopt from South Korea.  Recently, Becky and John received their welcome packet from the Korea program so they are now officially waiting!!!!!  The current wait for a referral is six to nine months and the wait for traveling over to Korea is taking about 6-8 months so Becky and John's little one will most likely spend his or her first birthday in Korea.  Something very exciting is that because a baby has to be up for adoption for Korean citizens for the first five months and an average referral time is about six months, Becky and John's baby could be born any day or just recently born!  Becky is beginning to hope and let herself dream (you can read more about that here).  Becky and John will most likely have a boy because boys are less likely to be adopted domestically in Korea, and Becky is dreaming of an airplane themed nursery since they will be stationed next to an Air Force for their next assignment.  Too cute!!  And a little boy's dream to get to watch all of those planes and jets!  They are also talking about names but will wait to finalize as they would like to use their little one's Korean name as their middle name.

Specific Prayer Requests:

-I-600A be processed in a timely manner with no issues
-For the Lord to show Becky how she should be using this waiting time to prepare for motherhood and to continue to serve Him
-For peace and patience as they wait
-For healing for their child who may be born any day now and his/her birthmother as they both experience a profound loss
-For healing for Becky over the pain of infertility and pregnancy loss
-For the Lord to unite us with the child He has for our family

Becky- I'm so excited for you and John, and I can't wait to "meet" your little one.  Thank you so much for sharing your journey so we can all learn about adoption and for the blessing of watching God answer our prayers.

My Gyn Appt Today

I was feeling pretty anxious when I pulled into the clinic's parking lot.  I have nothing but great memories of my time at this particular clinic because it is a brand new building that opened at the end of my pregnancy, but I just know from past experiences how quickly that can change.  Once I sat down in the waiting room with Henry in his stroller, I heard a girl behind me talking to her husband.  I was holding back the tears because I could hear her sniffling big time, and I just knew she just found out she had a miscarriage.  I sat there rubbing Henry's leg just so grateful  that he was there with me...healthy and safe.  I guess I need to stop making up a story for everyone in the waiting room because we got called back to the lab at the same time, and she just had bad allergies ;).  But it showed me just how emotional going back to the gyn is for me.  Long story short...I'm not pregnant (yes my dr insisted that I should be tested since we don't use protection), but I do have a cyst (small one on my right side).  My pain is still more to the left even though the right was tender during the exam.  My dr and I both think the pain is related to my endometriosis and since I'm not willing to get on any bc pills, there isn't much he can do.  I did crack myself up at one point...when I got back from the u/s room, my dr said he still wasn't ruling out an early pregnancy (because they didn't have the test back for the lab yet), and I replied "why?  my lining was only a 6."  He laughed...looked down at the paper and agreed..."yeah that is pretty thin."  I could tell he was pretty surprised that I knew what I was looking at on the ultrasound screen.  So how do I feel about everything?  I'm fine.  I know that endo is going to be a part of the rest of my life, and I can deal with pain.  I'm just glad it wasn't anything else!  I go back in six weeks to see how I'm doing.

What if...

Going through infertility one of the hardest parts for me (and still hard) is the what ifs.  My "what ifs" have changed at different times during our journey..."what if there is something wrong with me and I can't get pregnant"  "what if clomid doesn't work?"  "what if we do this exploratory surgery and he finds nothing." "what if I can't find the strength to do any more treatments?"  "what if I lose another baby?"  "what if the tiny sweet baby clothes that I packed up in a box yesterday never needs to be re-opened?" "what if it is going to be many years before I get to do this again?"

Melissa at Stirrup Queens has a special project that she is working with Resolve on called Project IF to participate all that you need to do is leave a comment stating one or more of your what ifs in regards to infertility.    I encourage all of you to follow this link to read the what ifs...if you are currently going through infertility, you will leave feeling encouraged that so many other women share your doubts and fears...and if you have never been through infertility, you will leave with a greater understanding of the toll of infertility and how you might be able to comfort someone going through it.  If you do leave a comment, please leave it here also.

I have a cyst.

I know this feeling all to well.  I have that achy, crampy, swollen feeling around my left ovary.  And sorry tmi...but it hurts when Shaun and I get together (in the last week or so).  Hmmm....not really sure what I should do about it because I don't want to take birth control pills to shrink it (won't take another one of those unless it is part of an ivf cycle) and a lap surgery right now is pretty much out of the question (unless of course medically necessary).  I guess it could also be my endo growing back.  Whatever it is...it is bothering me.  Haven't started my cycle back yet so I have no idea what is going on in there!  Advice?

I heart being a VW.

Another post below on my vitamin d levels....finally getting to catch up on some blogging.


What is a VW you might ask?  About a year ago, my close friend started trying to conceive her second child.  Since she knew that I knew way too much about ovulation and how to get pregnant, we talked a lot about "exciting" and tmi things like discharge and timing.  Her husband would overhear our conversations and couldn't believe what he was hearing.  He nicknamed me the vagina whisperer and my friend and I thought it was hilarious so she started calling me her VW.  The name has stuck and several of my IRL friends call me their VW (and one calls me her Fertility Life Coach).  I love being able to encourage other women through the trying to conceive process and then to eventually see them through their pregnancy and delivery (haven't had a friend yet to adopt but I would love the opportunity to walk that journey as well).  When my friend was on the way to the hospital with strong contractions, she called me to let me know they were on their way, and I heard her husband say, "are you calling your VW?"  Too cute :)

Through this blog, I've also had the opportunity to encourage and pray for women that I've never even had the pleasure of meeting.  I get emails like "did you have cramping after your IUIs?"... "positive ovulation test tonight...please pray" to the happiest email I've received yet "I'm excited to tell you that I'm pregnant...just took a test a hour ago and my husband isn't here so I haven't even gotten to tell him yet."  Do you need someone to stalk your fertility friend chart, pray for you, encourage you through a tough time??  I would love to be your VW or Fertility Life Coach or just plain old Courtney.  You can always email me at prayingforalittleone@gmail.com.

DISCLAIMER--not a doctor, and I do not give medical advice!  Just encouragement from experiences I've been through so please don't sue me :)

Whoops Guess I Should Take My Own Advice...

Got my Vitamin D levels back...22.5.  Normal levels are 30 to 74 so I'm not severely deficient, but I'm still deficient.  My Dr said I do not need a super dose but to start taking 2,000 units and get more sun.  I'm also going to need to start getting better about giving Henry his vitamin d drops since this means he won't be getting enough vit d in my milk.  I'm actually pretty surprised that I'm low since I've been taking supplements since before I even got pregnant with Henry.  Makes me wonder what my level was before I started taking it...yikes!  Still curious if anyone else got their levels checked.  This is really out there and obviously I don't have a medical degree to know if this is even possible, but it makes me wonder if there is something in my genes that makes it harder for me to absorb vitamin d.  They are starting to link endometriosis to autoimmune diseases (like Multiple Sclerosis--which my Aunt has) and then MS has been linked to vitamin d deficiency so it wouldn't be that far of a leap.  Okay I'm going to stop pretending to be Dr. Courtney (as my support group calls me) now...

Prayers for Lisa

Please continue your prayers for Lisa as she has received some surprising but devastating news on Friday.

Are you getting your sunshine?

Just wanted to do a follow-up on this post that included some new research on the link between ovulation and vitamin D deficiency.  Did anyone get their gyns/REs/regular doctors to run their vitamin D levels?  If so...what did you find out?  Leave a comment below or email me at prayingforalittleone@gmail.com.  I know that my blogger friend Ashley who has PCOS had hers run recently, and her level was 15.5 (with the normal levels anywhere from 32-100).  Her doctor put her on a 50000 u once a week super dose for 10 weeks and then a daily 1,000 dosage.  Since I've been bugging all of you about getting your levels checked, I'm going to get mine checked this week.  I figured there was no need since I'm taking 1,000 daily but apparently that isn't necessarily the case.  Will update when I get my number...

Update on Lisa

Lisa has a great update on her blog for this cycle.  3 mature follicles and an IUI tomorrow morning!  Keep those prayers coming!

Praying for a Little One--for Lisa

Please join me in prayer for Lisa this month (March) and let her know if you prayed for her in the comments section. I know she will be encouraged by your prayers, and I know all of you will be blessed by her story.


When people asked Lisa as a young girl what she wanted to be when she grew up, she always replied "a mommy."  The desire to be a mother never left Lisa so when she got married to the love of her life she let him decide when he was ready to start trying.  A year and a half later, her husband felt it was time to start and Lisa of course agreed.  6 months later...another negative and a quick pep talk from her GYN to keep trying.  1 year...still waiting so Lisa's GYN decided to run tests on both Lisa and her husband.  Through the testing, they did find that Lisa's husband, Barry, had a varicocele which was decreasing his sperm count, and Lisa's doctor also suggested an exploratory lap surgery for her.  Not wanting to wait any longer...Lisa and her husband both had surgeries within weeks of each other.  In Lisa's surgery, the doctor found endometriosis.  Since then, Lisa and Barry have started seeing a RE in Mobile, AL (which is about a 4 hour drive from their home).  Lisa's RE diagnosed her with mild PCOS and recommended that they go on the SugarBusters diet and to take Juice Plus to combat environmental toxins.  Lisa has already lost 20 lbs on the diet (GO Lisa!!).  Two cycles ago, Lisa had her first IUI with a 50 mg Clomid, ultrasound monitoring and trigger shot protocol.  Last cycle, she had two large cysts so she had to do a cycle of birth control pills (boo!).  But now, the cysts are gone (which is an answer to prayer!) and Lisa's RE has upped her dosage to 100 mg Clomid.  Here are Lisa's thoughts on the hardest part of infertility for her:

"The hardest part of infertility for me...would either be just the unknown or the constant reminders everywhere you go of what you don't have.  The unknown - if we knew the date that we would get pregnant i could relax knowing my time will come soon.  If we knew that we were never going to be able to get pregnant, we could grieve and move on to adoption.  The not knowing is hard because you are always questioning, always wondering, always hoping, not knowing when it will end and you will have a baby in your arms!  HOWEVER if we DID know how this would end, then we wouldn't have the opportunity to completely and fully rely on God and trust Him.  If we knew how it would to turn it, what would there be to trust Him with?

So...maybe the constant reminders of babies everywhere I go.  Friends getting pregnant and feeling like they are "getting ahead" of you, pregnant bellies, pregnancy announcements, babies, families, TV shows, movies - you can't get away from it.  It is hard seeing all of that and wishing that YOU had it.  The thing that I think I have struggled with the most is the jealousy aspect of it.  I can trust that the Lord is in control and has a plan for me, but it is so hard not being jealous of people who have what I want so desperately."


One of the reasons, I enjoy reading Lisa so much is that so many of the things she writes reminds me of how I processed/felt things with infertility.  I could have written the above paragraph while I was waiting.


Lisa's Prayer Requests:
1. For the dosage of 100mg Clomid will be sufficient and cause Lisa to have a good strong ovulation
2. For the fertility medications to not cause more cysts this cycle
3. For this cycle to end in a pregnancy
4. Strength and peace as they wait and that God will bring Lisa and Barry closer to each other and to Him through this journey.




I also wanted to share this blog post that Lisa wrote on "Why I'm Thankful for my Infertility" .  It is so hard to see the good when going through such a difficult journey/struggle as infertility, but I encourage all of you who are still waiting to consider writing a list like this.


On a lighter note, Lisa is taking a pic holding up the number IUI it is...like I did!  Made my day when I saw this.

Let's hope (and pray!) that she will only have to hold up 2 fingers and that this will be the cycle!  This is also Lisa's birthday month (happy birthday lisa) so let's hope it is a good one!  Keep us updated Lisa!

Praying for a Little One--for Loren

Please join me in prayer for Loren this month (Jan-Feb) and let her know if you prayed for her in the comments section. I know she will be encouraged by your prayers, and I know all of you will be blessed by her story

Loren met her hubby in 2002, and they became best friends almost immediately. By 2003, they were madly in love and didn't look back. Unlike many couples, Loren and her husband didn't wait to try to conceive and never prevented pregnancy. It was after a year of trying that Loren found herself at a gyn clinic looking for answers. Loren was diagnosed with anovulation, and clomid was recommended for treatment. Those of you who have taken clomid know how hard even just one cycle can be on your emotions...Loren and her husband attempted six. The stress of treatments proved to be too much, and they stopped treatments in September 2008.

Since stopping treatments, Loren and her husband have been able to relax more and are waiting patiently for God to lead them towards the next step. But of course even without the stress of infertility treatments, infertility still takes a toll. Here are Loren's thoughts on the hardest part of dealing with infertility for her:

"The emotions. Infertility has more ups and downs and all arounds, than anything I have ever experienced. I think the worst part is the feeling of being alone. Although I know my husband wants a child, I do not feel like he has the physical desire that women naturally have. I see and read about so many women who struggle with Infertility yet still I feel so alone. Every woman's story is different. Some days are harder than others. One of the most bitter moments for me was when I went through my blog roll of Infertility Blogs, and ALL of them had turned into pregnancy or parenting blogs. Out of the original blogs that I read, not a single one of them was still infertile. Except me. It gives me a sense of being left out or left behind. I want so much to be on the other side of infertility, but time seems to only take that dream further away from me. I remember being that "girl" on the message boards and blogs that had been trying to conceive for 13 months, or 15 months... never ever ever in my wildest dreams did I think I would be "this girl" the girl that has been trying even longer than most, the girl that has been trying for 42 months!!!! 42 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days to be exact! but I am that girl. Like it or not. So i'm trying daily to accept that and put my faith in the Lord, that I will one day be the girl that has all her dreams come true. The girl that becomes the Mom!"

Loren's Prayer Requests:
For God to continue to strengthen her marriage and allow Loren and her husband to communicate their feelings with one another.
For strength to keep faith, and for God to lead Loren to make the right decisions for her future.
Pray for healing.
For courage to not break down during her weak moments.
Most of all Loren thanks God for all of the blessings that she has, and she prays that she never loses sight of what is important in her life.

Here is a picture of Loren snuggling with her precious nephew.  Can't you tell she is just the sweetest southern girl?  Praying for you Loren--keep us updated!!

Help a Reader Out and a new blog direction!

Hey Girls! I know a lot of you are still keeping up with me through forthislittleoneweprayed, but I wanted to update over here and explain a slightly new direction for this blog. The purpose of me starting a new parenting after IF blog was so that I could keep prayingforalittleone as an infertility blog, but I feel like I failed myself and my sweet readers these last five months. I've been praying and thinking about what I should do with this space, and I feel that God is leading me into turning this blog into more of a ministry than just me getting on my soapbox (but I'm sure that will still happen from time to time). Since having Henry, I've felt called to pray for those still waiting more than I ever have previously. Just looking down at him and seeing what a miracle he is has made me even more sensitive to those around me who are still waiting. Starting this month, I will be asking all of you to join with me in prayer for one woman in particular each month. This month God has put a very special woman on my heart to share with us, and I believe we will all be blessed by hearing her story and praying for her. Post coming soon...

Also, I've recently received a lot of questions from readers, but a lot of you do not have infertility blogs (I don't want to comment back on a personal blog for your privacy) so I wanted to start answering questions on this blog. First a disclaimer....I'm NOT a medical professional, and any answers to questions would be only for support and ideas NOT medical advice. If you have a question about my journey or pretty much anything about infertility email me at prayingforalittleone@gmail.com or leave a comment on any post. One of the blogs I frequently read has started a Help a Reader Out post, and I think this is a great idea to help a reader get more feedback from all of you instead of just me (because again I'm NOT an expert!). Our first Help a Reader Out is from a new reader Megan:

"Hi Courtney - Im the "anonymous" commenter from your other blog. I left a comment on your letter to the "purple shirt girl". I have been seriously loving this blog. I started from the beginning and read all of your posts. Your story is truly a testament to the "awesomeness" of the Lord. Thank you so much for sharing.

I have a question... open to anyone who may read this.

My husband and I have been trying the "natural" way for 2 years. I HATE taking medicine, so I have just been praying each month. I have used the OPK but with no luck - obviously. So... I started reading a book called the Infertilty Cure by Randine Lewis. That got me going to an accupuncturist and on herbs. I have been doing that for a short while. I love it. It is all about treating the cause, not the symptoms. However, I have an appointment with a fertility doctor in Feb. (on my birthday, actually...fun way to spend my 27th birthday, right). After reading this, it sounds like I need to do research before I even get to the appointment. Are there certian things that I need to ask him, or look for. I feel overwhelmed!!!!!!

Much Love to you all,
Megan

Megan, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I can't believe you read my entire blog that had to take some time! First of all, I have the book "Infertility Cure," and I think it is a GREAT book for an eastern approach to infertility. They are learning more and more about how accupuncture and herbs can help infertility so I'm glad you are doing your research and are being proactive. I'm also happy to see that you made an appointment with a fertility doctor. From your comment, it seems that you and your husband haven't had an infertility workup yet and a doctor specializing in infertility is a good place to get that completed. First, my advice on the doctor would be to make sure he is a board certified Reproductive Endocrinologist. You can see all of the doctors in your area by clicking here. I would also check the cdc website to look at the clinic's success rates in your area. 2007 is the most recent data available, but I would think 2008 should be coming out soon. Even if you aren't going to attempt IVF, it is a good way to find the best clinic and doctor in your area. A good RE will look for a cause to your infertility before starting a treatment plan. This will include bloodwork (to see if you are ovulating and to check for other problems like thyroid etc), ultrasound, a HSG to see if your tubes are clear, and a semen analysis. The first appointment will probably just be a discussion of the possible treatment options out there and info on all of the testing. Believe me, I understand not liking medicine. I hesitate before I even take a tylenol! But sometimes with a disease/condition like infertility, you need medicine (God can of course decide to heal you without medicine, but He does work through medicine too--this is another post for another day). However, I do like the idea of combining the good of both eastern and western medicine for treatment. I know you feel overwhelmed, but it won't be long, and you will be an expert on infertility and your body! Don't stress about having all of the answers right now. Just make sure you have a good doctor that you can trust and take it day by day in prayer. Keep us updated on what you find out at your appointments!

Okay readers....now it is your turn! Help Megan out--what advice do you have for her as she goes to her first infertility consult appointment?

Find the Cause!

One of my major frustrations with doctors while being treated for infertility was the very common practice of just treating the symptoms and not the cause(s). If you go to your GYN one year after trying, you will most likely get a 21 day progesterone bloodwork (maybe a thyroid and prolactin) and a semen analysis for your hubby along with a prescription for clomid. Go have fun! No monitoring with ultrasounds, no real concern for what is causing the ovulation problems...just here is your clomid candy. When that doesn't work (it does work for some people...yay for them), it is time to see a RE. Depending on your RE, you might get more of a thorough workup with different hormone levels, but from what I've witnessed from my own experience and read from other IF bloggers...it is more of the same just a more aggressive version. Hey here is this clomid or femara...come back around day 10 for an ultrasound...okay time to trigger with a hcg shot...two days later come back for an IUI. When that doesn't work, the next step for most REs is injectables. Other REs jump straight from the clomid/femara protocol to IVF (my dr is one of these- but I twisted his arm to do injectables...something not right about going from a $7 medication to a 10,000 cycle). So there you sit with two choices, go home with no baby and no treatment or take the 10,000 dollar plunge for IVF. Half of the couples (if you go to a good clinic) exit the scene at this point with their little miracles...with the other half having to go back to the RE for a WTH Appt (what the heck is a nicer term than what most IF bloggers use). Sometimes REs are able to give answers on why the cycle didn't work but for the most part it is just a better luck next time appointment. Now the couple feels like they can't step back to a more affordable treatment from IVF, they must slap down another 10 grand if they want to try again. Does anyone else see a problem with this??!! Now before I go any further...please do not get me wrong! I am all for REs--in fact I love them. They are the ONLY ones in my opinion who should prescribe fertility meds because of proper monitoring and nurse accessibility with a few exceptions. I love infertility treatments--clomid, injectables, IVF. All of these are important medications and treatments, but they should be used once everything (and I mean everything!) is looked at for possible causes of the infertility. Do you know I had to ask for my surgery? There is no way to know now if I would have gotten pregnant without the surgery but at least I know now the cause of my infertility (or at least part of the cause).

This vent now brings me to why I'm writing this post. My IRL friend also is completely frustrated with this process, and she has decided to take charge of her treatment plan and her overall wellness. She went back to her GYN to ask her to run every possible test/bloodwork that she could. If you saw this friend's medical file, you would think that every test would have already been run...unfortunately that is not the case. Everything so far has come back normal (still pending some results) except for a major vitamin D deficiency. After finding this out, my friend googled vitamin d deficiency and infertility and was floored by what she found. I had not heard about this study, and I couldn't wait to get home to google after hearing about it from her. I started taking Vitamin D3 1,000iu daily probably around August of last year along with my prenatal, baby aspirin, and dha/omega 3 oils because my mom bought some for me. We are all super sensitive about MS because my Aunt has MS, and there is a strong genetic link in our family. My Aunt's doctor told her that her younger female relatives should be taking vitamin d3 so that is why my mom purchased the vitamins for me. What if my deficiency was part of the cause for my ovulation problems??!!

Here is the current research on Vitamin D and Infertility: (hopefully more will come soon)

A team from Yale studied infertile women and their Vitamin D levels. Not a single woman with ovulatory disturbance or PCOS had normal Vitamin D levels. They even found that those undergoing infertility treatments that had a higher level of Vitamin D were more likely to achieve pregnancy. These studies were small so more in-depth studies are needed, but in the meantime...why not add a little Vitamin D supplement? (of course talk to your dr first). You might need a prescription for a major dose of Vitamin D if you are severely deficient. This was the case for my friend.

I encourage all of you who are still waiting for your precious little one to research and to become an advocate for your own health. Remember that you know your body more than anyone else. Ask questions. Demand bloodwork. Pray for wisdom. It is absolutely no skin off a doctor's nose (no idea where this saying came from?) to run a few tests. Checking your vitamin levels and ALL of your hormone levels is a great place to start. And once the levels come back...don't just accept that they are "okay"...know what the levels or results are and what they mean. Give hugs and read Eileen's story for just one example of why we have to be our own advocate (which includes finding the right doctor!).

If you do this or plan to...please let me know what you found!

The Postpartum Appt of Two Infertiles

At my postpartum visit this week another new mom in the waiting room saw that I just had Henry and decided to strike up a conversation with me. We talked about feeding and sleeping schedules and all of the typical newborn mom small talk, but as we were talking I couldn't help but notice another woman sitting close by and her body language as she listened to our conversation. I cringed as the new mom talked about how "weird it was to be at the clinic without being pregnant" and many other comments that I knew would have hurt me if I had overheard them a year ago when I was at the gyn for my annual in the middle of fertility treatments. The woman nearby was flipping through a magazine and cringing every time I was cringing. I tried to tell myself that I was just imagining things, but when I saw her obviously make a face when the lab tech said, "see you next year." I knew she was struggling with infertility. I decided that if anyone said anything about Henry while I was waiting for bloodwork that I would say something so that she could be encouraged or she could talk to me if she wanted. The lab tech that I had for what felt like a million appointments during the pregnancy started ooing and aahing over Henry so I took the opportunity to say, "he really is a miracle." She started talking about how all babies are miracles once you learn what can go wrong and then I replied that every baby is for sure a miracle once you realize all that has to happen. Immediately my infertile friend spoke up (took the bait!)..."did you have to do fertility treatments to get pregnant?" I couldn't believe I was actually right about her! But it turns out I was only partially right. She did previously struggle with infertility, but she was there for a postpartum appointment. She had to do IVF to get pregnant with her first, but then had two surprise pregnancies so she has her hands full now with three under three! After she made sure to tell me to be careful (that advice went in one ear and out the other-no birth control for us!), we discussed infertility treatments like we were old friends. I know infertility is common and that I could have just made a lucky guess, but there was something about her body language. She heard things the way I heard them. She was sitting there with three babies at home, but infertility changed her just like it changed me. We can't sit there and hear "see you next year" and not think about the poor girl that is there for her yearly and praying that it is not another year before she makes it back to the clinic again. Our prayers were answered...we have our miracles, but going through infertility will forever change us.

New Blog!

When I started Praying for a Little One in May 2008, I was in a very bad place in my life. The unfulfilled due date of Baby Faith had just passed, and I got a false positive pregnancy test on a clomid cycle that month. I found myself needing to write down my feelings to sort things out, but I didn't expect anyone to read along. I didn't anticipate how therapeutic blogging would be for me or the incredible amount of support and encouragement I would receive from the amazing community of infertility bloggers around the world. It is such a blessing to be able to look back now at the archives of Praying for a Little One and see what God has done in just a year. As I enter my third week of motherhood, I find myself wanting to blog about the little adventures and sweet moments of our little guy. I'm keeping Praying for a Little One active as an infertility blog and will continue to post thoughts and encouragement about infertility so I've decided to create a separate parenting after infertility blog. So much to say...so little time! It has definitely been the most life changing, challenging, and joyful three weeks of my life. Come laugh with us as we figure out how to be parents to our little miracle!
http://forthislittleoneweprayed.blogspot.com

Birth Story

August 7, 2009. The best day of our lives. The alarm went off at 3:30 AM, but I was already wide awake. I think I got about two hours of sleep. Shaun and I both easily got out of bed and started getting ready to leave for the hospital. I took a nice long shower and got all fixed up for the hospital. I'm sure the L&D nurses laugh at the couples who come in so cleaned up, but we were that couple--Shaun in his new light blue and white stripe polo, and I was in full makeup and pearls. We wanted to make sure we were the first ones in line at the hospital so we left our house at 4:30 AM to make it to the hospital by 5:00 AM (instead of 5:30 which is when we were actually supposed to be there). On the way over to the hospital I was having contractions five minutes apart. I was hoping that this might mean I could avoid pitocin, but unfortunately I still needed it. Shaun and I hurried in to the hospital to check-in, and we were happy to see that we were the first ones there. Shaun was making me laugh like crazy while we waited to be admitted. A couple minutes later...another couple arrived, and they even tried to save time by driving up to the door (this hospital is a one floor hospital with parking right in front- not really necessary). The competition was now on! They called both of us back at basically the same time to be admitted. I was getting out my cards as fast as I could and ready with my pen to sign as quickly as possible. Our lady was slow so the other couple almost beat us, but we got out right before them and made it to L&D first. Once we got into the room, they asked for the usual urine sample and for me to change into my hospital gown. This of course is when it started feeling more real, but we still were laughing and having a good time. The nurses made me take out my pearl earrings (so sad) and then attempted to have me take off my wedding ring--that ring wasn't going anywhere--it was so tight! I actually had a choice about whether or not I wanted an enema or not, and I opted for one--no pooping on the table for me! and I was hoping it would get labor going. They asked Shaun to go to the cafeteria for 30 minutes, and I was given some privacy :). I really didn't think the enema was bad at all, but I was pretty cleaned out already (see post below for more info if you really care to know ;). Right around 7 AM, my nurse for the day came in to get my pitocin started (started at 6 mu) , and I was so excited to see that it was my nurse from my pre-term labor scare- Elizabeth! She was so sweet that day when I was completely freaked out, and I knew she would be a great labor and delivery nurse. We sat and talked with her about our intentions to try for natural childbirth without medication. She was very supportive of whatever we wanted to try. Not long after that my doctor came in to check me and to break my water. I was still the same dilation/effacement from my appointment on Monday (3-4 cm). It was such a weird sensation when he broke my water....a big warm gush of fluid. And it kept coming and coming and coming...I couldn't believe how much fluid kept coming out for the next few hours. I started feeling more pain once my water was broken. At this point it was just an uncomfortable cramping at the time of the contractions. It was similar to the very, very beginning of my menstrual cramps (remember that I have endometriosis so I experience a much more intense level of pain once the cramps really kick in with my period). I knew at this point that it would be best for me to rest as much as possible and to stay distracted from the pain so I labored in bed and visited with several family members and friends. By the time my mom arrived to the hospital probably around 9 AM, my contractions were intense. They were now to the pain level that I experience with my menstrual cramps. I could no longer talk during the contractions, and it was impossible to distract me from the pain. The only difference between this and my cramps is that I actually got a two minute break and that made a huge difference. So to those endo girls out there...yes it is very close to childbirth pain. I always used to tell Shaun that my pain had to be close to childbirth, and I was right! My mom had natural childbirth with all four of us so she kept reminding me about the importance of relaxing during the contractions. This really is so key to dealing with the pain. If you tense up, you will experience so much more pain. You have to focus on relaxing your entire body during the contraction. My mom was sitting there trying to breathe and relax during the contractions, and it was cracking me up. It was obvious that she needed to breathe more than I did at that point--she was very tense as any mother would be when their daughter is in labor. Then my two wonderful sister-in-laws (I don't have any sisters so they are the closest thing I have, and they are the best) came in to see me for a few minutes. I was very happy to get to see them, and they came just in time. I was getting to the point where I was about to not be able to see anyone. I was able to visit like usual in between contractions, but I was really hurting during my contractions. They were all three rubbing me during the contractions which definitely helped. At this point I looked over at my pitocin dosage to see that it was 24...much more than 6...and I could tell. After my sister-in-laws left, my nurse checked me, and I was only 4 almost 5cm. I thought for sure I would have made more progress, but Elizabeth was very encouraging and explained to me that getting to five was the hardest part and that it will go much faster after reaching five...and she was right! It was at this point that Shaun and I both could tell it was time to start focusing and finding a rhythm and position that worked for me during the contractions. Elizabeth turned off the overhead lights, and Shaun started the music that we brought for labor (my blog playlist actually). I decided to sit on the exercise ball during the contractions. This is when hours felt like minutes. I know it would seem that it would be the opposite, but time flew for me. Shaun was an amazing labor coach. I mean amazing. The several hours that we spent together during labor were some of the most bonding moments of our entire marriage. Shaun massaged my lower back during every contraction and helped me stay focused on breathing and relaxing. The contractions were so close together at this point (pitocin now at 36) that we literally had less than a minute break sometimes no break at all between contractions. I moaned, rocked, and prayed out loud. It probably sounded like a revival was going down in that delivery room! I loved being able to experience labor physically and emotionally. It is hard to describe the pain level at this point in the labor, but the one thing that surprised me about the pain was the incredible amount of pressure that I felt with every contraction. It felt like I was feeling his head move down with every contraction, and it probably was! I felt more pressure while standing or on the birth ball, but I knew this meant that I was making progress. At the point that I decided to get an epi, I was no longer getting much of a break between contractions, and I started to feel fear of what was to come. This is very typical of the transition portion of labor, but I decided at that point to have my nurse check me and to probably get an epidural. She checked me, and I was almost 8 cm. I knew that I could make it without the epi, but I decided at that point that I didn't want to! Once I made the call for the epi, they sent Shaun out of the room to prepare me for the epi, and I had to stay in bed as they got everything setup. This was most definitely the worst pain I experienced during the entire labor. I didn't have Shaun there to help me through the contractions, and the pain was pretty much impossible to handle alone. I was extremely annoyed with the anesthesiologist and his nurse. The first thing the anesthesia nurse said when she walked in was "I knew you were going to get an epidural." I never even saw this woman before, and she just "knew" I was getting an epi. Were they taking bets out there or something? I was in the middle of a contraction so I didn't say a word, but I felt like calling off the epi at that second and telling her where she could put her epi. I know that doesn't sound like me, but I just about had it! But fortunately I didn't...and somehow I made it through the procedure without Shaun. It was definitely a relief when the epidural kicked in for sure. I don't regret getting the epidural at the end, and I most definitely don't regret attempting natural childbirth. I already know that if I'm blessed to ever experience labor again that I will try to avoid induction, and I will attempt a completely natural labor and delivery. It is like my recovery nurse said at the hospital, "if anyone actually had the opportunity to go into childbirth naturally...it might actually be possible to have a natural childbirth." I don't regret inducing this time because it was so wonderful to have all of our family in town the night before our delivery and the delivery day. Everything worked out exactly as I would have hoped, and I don't have any regrets. Shaun and I spent a few quiet moments together, and we both started to get emotional as we realized how close we were to holding our sweet boy. Not long after the epi, I was 10 cm, and it was time to start pushing. Wow! It is pretty much impossible to push when you can't feel yourself pushing! Shaun and I both weren't really prepared for the pushing stage of delivery. Shaun was on one side holding one leg up...my nurse Elizabeth was on the bed watching the progress and stretching, and another really great labor and delivery nurse held my other leg. They finally came in and turned my epi down which really helped me to be able to at least feel some pressure. And they brought in a mirror! I was a little not sure about this, but the mirror really helped! I was able to see his head, and it really helped to see that I was making progress. Plus, I was starting to get a little jealous of Shaun getting to see his head so I'm glad I got the mirror :). Yes...Shaun watched the progression the entire day so he wasn't at all freaked out by the look of things down there :). Two hours later...it was time to bring in the doctor and the team of nurses for delivery. It seemed like within seconds of the nurses making the call that the room transformed. Big lights came out from the ceiling...blue drapes were placed all over me, and everyone got into position. I couldn't believe the moment finally arrived. All of that waiting for this sweet little miracle, and we were minutes away. My doctor talked me through the rest of the pushes. And then I felt Henry enter the world. It was such an incredible feeling! My doctor lifted him up, and it was love at first sight. I reached out my hands to feel him as Shaun cut the cord, and my doctor asked if I wanted to hold him. I of course said, "Yes!! I want to hold him!!" and at that moment, he was placed in my arms. I will never forget how amazing it felt to feel him on my chest. I can't even describe the joy. They had to take Henry over to the warming table to get cleaned up so Shaun went over to be with him. Everyone was busy working around me, and I was just laying there laughing and crying at the same time. I'm sure my doctor was having a hard time stitching me up because I couldn't stop laughing! They had to take Henry over to the warming table to get cleaned up so Shaun went over to be with him. Everyone was busy working around me, and I was just laying there laughing and crying at the same time. A few minutes later (which felt like forever), I got to hold Henry again before Shaun took him out to see our family and friends. Everyone was waiting forever for us because they knew we were pushing around four and now it was 7 o'clock! I think everyone was getting pretty worried! Shaun walked out with him, and a few seconds later, I heard this big outburst of squeals. I started crying my eyes out at that point, and I asked a nurse to tell my mom to come back to see me. My mom came walking through the door, and she was crying really hard. It was such a special moment that we were able to share together. About 30 minutes later, Shaun and a nurse returned with our sweet boy to try to nurse. I was worried before delivery about breastfeeding for the first time, but the nurse helped him latch on, and he immediately took to breastfeeding. I just looked down and couldn't believe my eyes. What a miracle! A year ago I was preparing for surgery...in December we saw a sweet baby the size of a pea with a strong heartbeat...and now there he was looking at me with his precious eyes. How great is our God?
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23

Baby Henry is Here!

"Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting" Psalm 126:5

Joyfully annoucing the birth of Henry Jackson born August 7, 2009, 7 lbs 7 ounces 21 inches long at 7:04 PM. He is a perfect miracle from God. Birth story coming soon...

Labor Update #2

Just a quick update...wow there really is no way to describe the pain. I held out until around 2 pm, but I decided to get an epi at 8 cm. I don't regret one second of the natural childbirth because I think it helped with progress, but now I'm relaxed and ready to enjoy the rest of the birthing process. Shaun was absolutely amazing!!! I'm getting pretty emotional as we get closer to meeting our sweet boy!! I can't believe it! Please pray for a safe and healthy delivery!

Labor Updates

Today is the day!! Shaun and I are so excited!! We are all checked in, and I'm having contractions five minutes apart without any meds yet. This is actually just a test to make sure that I can email updates from my blog via blackberry. Will continue to send many more updates so stay tuned!

Thankful.

I don't know what to do with myself! We are going to meet Baby Henry by Friday and as much as I try to wrap my brain around that I feel like I'm living in a dream. I know there is probably so much that I need to do around the house to prepare, but I don't know what to do. Some of our family is coming up tonight so this is my last chance to get ready. Right now I'm sitting here looking up at one of my favorite pictures taken of Shaun and I on our wedding day. Our photographer pulled us away from the reception to take some pictures outside. We sat on a bench together, and my forehead was resting on Shaun's cheeks. Most of our wedding day was a blur, but I can distinctly remember the stillness of that moment and how amazing it felt to be together. It makes me want to cry (I am crying actually) when I look at that picture because we had no idea at that time how much heartache we were going to face and how much deeper our relationship would become because of our trials together. I can now say as we are days away from meeting our sweet little miracle that I wouldn't take back one second of the wait...not one tear...because I'm so grateful for how God has used infertility in our lives. I can see His purpose in the pain. I've loved every moment of this pregnancy...even the bedrest. To feel so full of life after so many years of feeling empty and barren, there are no words to describe that joy. I guess to be honest there is a part of me that is a little sad about it being over, but I know that will all melt away when I finally get to look into the eyes of our sweet boy. I will keep all of you updated if anything happens!

Progress!

Just got back from a much better doctor appointment than last week! What a difference a week can make! I'm currently 3 almost 4 cm dilated, 60% effaced, and Henry is dropped and ready to go! Dr says it could be any day. We are going to wait on induction and if nothing happens by Friday morning then we will start a small dosage of pitocin to get things going. So what does this mean????? Shaun and I are going to get to meet our sweet boy by this Friday. We are literally hours/days away from holding him. As much as I try to wrap my brain around that, I just don't think I'm going to believe it until I get to kiss his sweet cheeks. I was holding back my excitement as much as possible while Shaun and I were in the clinic, but once we got into the elevator...I busted out into a little happy dance. I'm giddy :). I'm definitely going to update the moment I even think about going to the hospital! I even have the email update activated on this blog so I should be able to write emails on my blackberry to update the blog. All of you have been so sweet and supportive through this journey...I'm not going to leave y'all in the dark! Well off to get some last minute things done around the house. Body is definitely "cleaning out"...getting ready for labor, but no regular contractions just yet.

Waiting for the Big Day

When is it going to be?? When will we get to meet our sweet Henry? We go to bed every night and wake up every morning wondering if today could be the day. I really thought I wouldn't feel this way this week after our not-so-great appointment (not much progress), but of course starting Monday night and all week long I've had some pre-labor/early labor signs. Warning MAJOR TMI ahead (there is way too much information on this blog..why stop now??)...it all started with a pretty bad case of diarrhea (I stayed by the toilet most of Tuesday). Well of course this could be food poisoning/stomach bug/or an early labor sign. According to my new favorite book "The Birth Partner," loose stool/diarrhea is caused by an increase in prostaglandins.."these substances soften and thin the cervix and stimulate bowel activity." So of course I started to get a little excited...first time I've ever been excited by that! Then on Wednesday I was feeling pretty normal until late afternoon. I started noticing a lot of contractions so I decided to time them. They were coming every four minutes and lasting for a minute or longer. I also was feeling them more in my back, which is a first for me. I started getting everything ready for the hospital, and Shaun also got a few things together just in case. We didn't rush off to the hospital even though this went on for several hours because the contractions did not become closer together, and they were somewhat painful at times but I could easily be distracted from them. I've heard you really shouldn't think about going to the hospital until you can't talk through a contraction. And since we want to go natural, I would prefer to do some labor at home so no reason to rush. Around midnight...they stopped. sigh. We were starting to get excited :). The rest of this week I've continued to notice an increase in contractions. I also believe that he is dropped. There is a space between my boobs and my belly now (sorry tmi) and previously my boobs were pretty much resting on my belly. Another new development is these incredible sharp shooting pains that happen extremely low sometimes when I'm guessing that Henry is moving his head. It usually happens around a time that he is active so that is why I'm guessing he is the cause ;). It absolutely stops me in my tracks...I can't move, talk, think...until it passes. So there is the progress update! Now if we can just get the real facts on Monday and hope that there is some progress there. I can be patient (as much as I would love for him to come tomorrow), but progress would be encouraging. I've been sitting very unlady like in a squat on a exercise ball and on the edge of my couch this week trying to make sure he can get into position (trying to avoid a c-section here!). I will probably post a blog and some updates if I do go to the hospital! I try to close my eyes sometimes and picture holding him for the first time, and I just can't believe it is really going to happen and within DAYS. Will keep all of you updated!

37 (almost 38!) Dr Appt Update

Today we started out with a biophysical and weight estimate ultrasound to check on Baby Henry since he has been a little quiet these past few weeks. The good news is that he is practicing his breathing like he is supposed to, which is a great sign that he is still doing very well in my belly. He is also estimated to be a big boy for 37 weeks at 7 lbs 7 ounces. Now I know that ultrasound measurements are consistently wrong so he could be smaller, but it is good to hear that he seems to be a nice healthy size. The ultrasound tech also pointed out that he has huge hands! They were so cute and chunky :)...can't wait to kiss them! I was feeling pretty encouraged and excited after the ultrasound because he looked so great. Unfortunately, I didn't get the best news during the cervix checking portion of my doctor appointment :(. Still no progress...Henry hasn't dropped, no changes in dilation or effacement. Apparently most first babies drop weeks before their due date and if this doesn't occur...my doctor starts to wonder if there isn't a reason for why he hasn't dropped (ex: too big for pelvic bone structure). We talked again about a possible induction date of August 5th (holy cow that is in a week), but I explained to my doctor that I'm not interested in inducing until/unless absolutely necessary. All of the c-section and induction talk left me feeling very discouraged and confused, but I'm feeling better after talking it over with some family and friends. We have waited a long time for this sweet baby boy, and if there is one thing that infertility has taught me it is patience during a unknown waiting period :). As much as I'm looking forward to the sweet day that we get to hold our little boy, I can wait until he is ready. All we can do now is pray that things will progress and most importantly pray for a healthy and safe delivery. In the meantime...I'm going to choose to treasure this precious time that I have left with Henry in my belly. He is growing up too fast already :).

Now for my curious readers...what is in those bags?? I tried my best not to over pack, but I can't help myself at the same time :).

The Labor Bag-

Freezer ziplock of snacks for Shaun- granolas, fruit snacks, trail mix--have to keep that labor coach energized!

Blood pressure cuff and belts- the l&d nurses asked for me to bring these back...I guess it saves the hospital money or me?

"The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin- absolutely the BEST I've seen in information regarding natural childbirth...has a lot of easy to find/quick guides for situations that might come up

Labor Positions chart

Massage tools and lotions--also included a sock with two tennis balls in case of back labor

Chapstick

Focal point--Henry's 4d pics

Eyeglasses--didn't know if they would make me take my contacts out if I had a c-section

Also plan on packing my ipod with some tunes

Slippers and socks

Thin robe

Hair Bands

Diaper Bag

Going home outfit--blue with white polka dot kissy kissy gown with hat to match and white booties :)

2 gowns

1-2 side snap white shirts

2 pairs of socks

1 receiving blanket

2 burp cloths

Nursing Pads


Postpartum Bag-a.k.a Post-party Bag- Shaun has only heard the term postpartum in the context of postpartum depression so he said we should call it the post-party bag instead :)

No-so-cute Panties

Blue Nursing gown with robe

Light Pink Nursing gown with robe

Nursing Bras

Notepad


Toiletries Bag

All of our toiletries that we use in travel size. Packed new toothbrushes and contact solution in case we don't have time to pack. Also packed flushable wipes because the hospital toilet paper is like sandpaper--but I heard I will be using a spray bottle so who knows??!!


I also have a quick list of things to grab at the last minute...including what Shaun will need to pack for the hospital and a tech bag with video camera, digital camera, laptop, chargers, etc.

I'm obviously just guessing when it comes to what to pack...what am I missing experts??!!