New Blog!

When I started Praying for a Little One in May 2008, I was in a very bad place in my life. The unfulfilled due date of Baby Faith had just passed, and I got a false positive pregnancy test on a clomid cycle that month. I found myself needing to write down my feelings to sort things out, but I didn't expect anyone to read along. I didn't anticipate how therapeutic blogging would be for me or the incredible amount of support and encouragement I would receive from the amazing community of infertility bloggers around the world. It is such a blessing to be able to look back now at the archives of Praying for a Little One and see what God has done in just a year. As I enter my third week of motherhood, I find myself wanting to blog about the little adventures and sweet moments of our little guy. I'm keeping Praying for a Little One active as an infertility blog and will continue to post thoughts and encouragement about infertility so I've decided to create a separate parenting after infertility blog. So much to say...so little time! It has definitely been the most life changing, challenging, and joyful three weeks of my life. Come laugh with us as we figure out how to be parents to our little miracle!
http://forthislittleoneweprayed.blogspot.com

Birth Story

August 7, 2009. The best day of our lives. The alarm went off at 3:30 AM, but I was already wide awake. I think I got about two hours of sleep. Shaun and I both easily got out of bed and started getting ready to leave for the hospital. I took a nice long shower and got all fixed up for the hospital. I'm sure the L&D nurses laugh at the couples who come in so cleaned up, but we were that couple--Shaun in his new light blue and white stripe polo, and I was in full makeup and pearls. We wanted to make sure we were the first ones in line at the hospital so we left our house at 4:30 AM to make it to the hospital by 5:00 AM (instead of 5:30 which is when we were actually supposed to be there). On the way over to the hospital I was having contractions five minutes apart. I was hoping that this might mean I could avoid pitocin, but unfortunately I still needed it. Shaun and I hurried in to the hospital to check-in, and we were happy to see that we were the first ones there. Shaun was making me laugh like crazy while we waited to be admitted. A couple minutes later...another couple arrived, and they even tried to save time by driving up to the door (this hospital is a one floor hospital with parking right in front- not really necessary). The competition was now on! They called both of us back at basically the same time to be admitted. I was getting out my cards as fast as I could and ready with my pen to sign as quickly as possible. Our lady was slow so the other couple almost beat us, but we got out right before them and made it to L&D first. Once we got into the room, they asked for the usual urine sample and for me to change into my hospital gown. This of course is when it started feeling more real, but we still were laughing and having a good time. The nurses made me take out my pearl earrings (so sad) and then attempted to have me take off my wedding ring--that ring wasn't going anywhere--it was so tight! I actually had a choice about whether or not I wanted an enema or not, and I opted for one--no pooping on the table for me! and I was hoping it would get labor going. They asked Shaun to go to the cafeteria for 30 minutes, and I was given some privacy :). I really didn't think the enema was bad at all, but I was pretty cleaned out already (see post below for more info if you really care to know ;). Right around 7 AM, my nurse for the day came in to get my pitocin started (started at 6 mu) , and I was so excited to see that it was my nurse from my pre-term labor scare- Elizabeth! She was so sweet that day when I was completely freaked out, and I knew she would be a great labor and delivery nurse. We sat and talked with her about our intentions to try for natural childbirth without medication. She was very supportive of whatever we wanted to try. Not long after that my doctor came in to check me and to break my water. I was still the same dilation/effacement from my appointment on Monday (3-4 cm). It was such a weird sensation when he broke my water....a big warm gush of fluid. And it kept coming and coming and coming...I couldn't believe how much fluid kept coming out for the next few hours. I started feeling more pain once my water was broken. At this point it was just an uncomfortable cramping at the time of the contractions. It was similar to the very, very beginning of my menstrual cramps (remember that I have endometriosis so I experience a much more intense level of pain once the cramps really kick in with my period). I knew at this point that it would be best for me to rest as much as possible and to stay distracted from the pain so I labored in bed and visited with several family members and friends. By the time my mom arrived to the hospital probably around 9 AM, my contractions were intense. They were now to the pain level that I experience with my menstrual cramps. I could no longer talk during the contractions, and it was impossible to distract me from the pain. The only difference between this and my cramps is that I actually got a two minute break and that made a huge difference. So to those endo girls out there...yes it is very close to childbirth pain. I always used to tell Shaun that my pain had to be close to childbirth, and I was right! My mom had natural childbirth with all four of us so she kept reminding me about the importance of relaxing during the contractions. This really is so key to dealing with the pain. If you tense up, you will experience so much more pain. You have to focus on relaxing your entire body during the contraction. My mom was sitting there trying to breathe and relax during the contractions, and it was cracking me up. It was obvious that she needed to breathe more than I did at that point--she was very tense as any mother would be when their daughter is in labor. Then my two wonderful sister-in-laws (I don't have any sisters so they are the closest thing I have, and they are the best) came in to see me for a few minutes. I was very happy to get to see them, and they came just in time. I was getting to the point where I was about to not be able to see anyone. I was able to visit like usual in between contractions, but I was really hurting during my contractions. They were all three rubbing me during the contractions which definitely helped. At this point I looked over at my pitocin dosage to see that it was 24...much more than 6...and I could tell. After my sister-in-laws left, my nurse checked me, and I was only 4 almost 5cm. I thought for sure I would have made more progress, but Elizabeth was very encouraging and explained to me that getting to five was the hardest part and that it will go much faster after reaching five...and she was right! It was at this point that Shaun and I both could tell it was time to start focusing and finding a rhythm and position that worked for me during the contractions. Elizabeth turned off the overhead lights, and Shaun started the music that we brought for labor (my blog playlist actually). I decided to sit on the exercise ball during the contractions. This is when hours felt like minutes. I know it would seem that it would be the opposite, but time flew for me. Shaun was an amazing labor coach. I mean amazing. The several hours that we spent together during labor were some of the most bonding moments of our entire marriage. Shaun massaged my lower back during every contraction and helped me stay focused on breathing and relaxing. The contractions were so close together at this point (pitocin now at 36) that we literally had less than a minute break sometimes no break at all between contractions. I moaned, rocked, and prayed out loud. It probably sounded like a revival was going down in that delivery room! I loved being able to experience labor physically and emotionally. It is hard to describe the pain level at this point in the labor, but the one thing that surprised me about the pain was the incredible amount of pressure that I felt with every contraction. It felt like I was feeling his head move down with every contraction, and it probably was! I felt more pressure while standing or on the birth ball, but I knew this meant that I was making progress. At the point that I decided to get an epi, I was no longer getting much of a break between contractions, and I started to feel fear of what was to come. This is very typical of the transition portion of labor, but I decided at that point to have my nurse check me and to probably get an epidural. She checked me, and I was almost 8 cm. I knew that I could make it without the epi, but I decided at that point that I didn't want to! Once I made the call for the epi, they sent Shaun out of the room to prepare me for the epi, and I had to stay in bed as they got everything setup. This was most definitely the worst pain I experienced during the entire labor. I didn't have Shaun there to help me through the contractions, and the pain was pretty much impossible to handle alone. I was extremely annoyed with the anesthesiologist and his nurse. The first thing the anesthesia nurse said when she walked in was "I knew you were going to get an epidural." I never even saw this woman before, and she just "knew" I was getting an epi. Were they taking bets out there or something? I was in the middle of a contraction so I didn't say a word, but I felt like calling off the epi at that second and telling her where she could put her epi. I know that doesn't sound like me, but I just about had it! But fortunately I didn't...and somehow I made it through the procedure without Shaun. It was definitely a relief when the epidural kicked in for sure. I don't regret getting the epidural at the end, and I most definitely don't regret attempting natural childbirth. I already know that if I'm blessed to ever experience labor again that I will try to avoid induction, and I will attempt a completely natural labor and delivery. It is like my recovery nurse said at the hospital, "if anyone actually had the opportunity to go into childbirth naturally...it might actually be possible to have a natural childbirth." I don't regret inducing this time because it was so wonderful to have all of our family in town the night before our delivery and the delivery day. Everything worked out exactly as I would have hoped, and I don't have any regrets. Shaun and I spent a few quiet moments together, and we both started to get emotional as we realized how close we were to holding our sweet boy. Not long after the epi, I was 10 cm, and it was time to start pushing. Wow! It is pretty much impossible to push when you can't feel yourself pushing! Shaun and I both weren't really prepared for the pushing stage of delivery. Shaun was on one side holding one leg up...my nurse Elizabeth was on the bed watching the progress and stretching, and another really great labor and delivery nurse held my other leg. They finally came in and turned my epi down which really helped me to be able to at least feel some pressure. And they brought in a mirror! I was a little not sure about this, but the mirror really helped! I was able to see his head, and it really helped to see that I was making progress. Plus, I was starting to get a little jealous of Shaun getting to see his head so I'm glad I got the mirror :). Yes...Shaun watched the progression the entire day so he wasn't at all freaked out by the look of things down there :). Two hours later...it was time to bring in the doctor and the team of nurses for delivery. It seemed like within seconds of the nurses making the call that the room transformed. Big lights came out from the ceiling...blue drapes were placed all over me, and everyone got into position. I couldn't believe the moment finally arrived. All of that waiting for this sweet little miracle, and we were minutes away. My doctor talked me through the rest of the pushes. And then I felt Henry enter the world. It was such an incredible feeling! My doctor lifted him up, and it was love at first sight. I reached out my hands to feel him as Shaun cut the cord, and my doctor asked if I wanted to hold him. I of course said, "Yes!! I want to hold him!!" and at that moment, he was placed in my arms. I will never forget how amazing it felt to feel him on my chest. I can't even describe the joy. They had to take Henry over to the warming table to get cleaned up so Shaun went over to be with him. Everyone was busy working around me, and I was just laying there laughing and crying at the same time. I'm sure my doctor was having a hard time stitching me up because I couldn't stop laughing! They had to take Henry over to the warming table to get cleaned up so Shaun went over to be with him. Everyone was busy working around me, and I was just laying there laughing and crying at the same time. A few minutes later (which felt like forever), I got to hold Henry again before Shaun took him out to see our family and friends. Everyone was waiting forever for us because they knew we were pushing around four and now it was 7 o'clock! I think everyone was getting pretty worried! Shaun walked out with him, and a few seconds later, I heard this big outburst of squeals. I started crying my eyes out at that point, and I asked a nurse to tell my mom to come back to see me. My mom came walking through the door, and she was crying really hard. It was such a special moment that we were able to share together. About 30 minutes later, Shaun and a nurse returned with our sweet boy to try to nurse. I was worried before delivery about breastfeeding for the first time, but the nurse helped him latch on, and he immediately took to breastfeeding. I just looked down and couldn't believe my eyes. What a miracle! A year ago I was preparing for surgery...in December we saw a sweet baby the size of a pea with a strong heartbeat...and now there he was looking at me with his precious eyes. How great is our God?
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23

Baby Henry is Here!

"Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting" Psalm 126:5

Joyfully annoucing the birth of Henry Jackson born August 7, 2009, 7 lbs 7 ounces 21 inches long at 7:04 PM. He is a perfect miracle from God. Birth story coming soon...

Labor Update #2

Just a quick update...wow there really is no way to describe the pain. I held out until around 2 pm, but I decided to get an epi at 8 cm. I don't regret one second of the natural childbirth because I think it helped with progress, but now I'm relaxed and ready to enjoy the rest of the birthing process. Shaun was absolutely amazing!!! I'm getting pretty emotional as we get closer to meeting our sweet boy!! I can't believe it! Please pray for a safe and healthy delivery!

Labor Updates

Today is the day!! Shaun and I are so excited!! We are all checked in, and I'm having contractions five minutes apart without any meds yet. This is actually just a test to make sure that I can email updates from my blog via blackberry. Will continue to send many more updates so stay tuned!

Thankful.

I don't know what to do with myself! We are going to meet Baby Henry by Friday and as much as I try to wrap my brain around that I feel like I'm living in a dream. I know there is probably so much that I need to do around the house to prepare, but I don't know what to do. Some of our family is coming up tonight so this is my last chance to get ready. Right now I'm sitting here looking up at one of my favorite pictures taken of Shaun and I on our wedding day. Our photographer pulled us away from the reception to take some pictures outside. We sat on a bench together, and my forehead was resting on Shaun's cheeks. Most of our wedding day was a blur, but I can distinctly remember the stillness of that moment and how amazing it felt to be together. It makes me want to cry (I am crying actually) when I look at that picture because we had no idea at that time how much heartache we were going to face and how much deeper our relationship would become because of our trials together. I can now say as we are days away from meeting our sweet little miracle that I wouldn't take back one second of the wait...not one tear...because I'm so grateful for how God has used infertility in our lives. I can see His purpose in the pain. I've loved every moment of this pregnancy...even the bedrest. To feel so full of life after so many years of feeling empty and barren, there are no words to describe that joy. I guess to be honest there is a part of me that is a little sad about it being over, but I know that will all melt away when I finally get to look into the eyes of our sweet boy. I will keep all of you updated if anything happens!

Progress!

Just got back from a much better doctor appointment than last week! What a difference a week can make! I'm currently 3 almost 4 cm dilated, 60% effaced, and Henry is dropped and ready to go! Dr says it could be any day. We are going to wait on induction and if nothing happens by Friday morning then we will start a small dosage of pitocin to get things going. So what does this mean????? Shaun and I are going to get to meet our sweet boy by this Friday. We are literally hours/days away from holding him. As much as I try to wrap my brain around that, I just don't think I'm going to believe it until I get to kiss his sweet cheeks. I was holding back my excitement as much as possible while Shaun and I were in the clinic, but once we got into the elevator...I busted out into a little happy dance. I'm giddy :). I'm definitely going to update the moment I even think about going to the hospital! I even have the email update activated on this blog so I should be able to write emails on my blackberry to update the blog. All of you have been so sweet and supportive through this journey...I'm not going to leave y'all in the dark! Well off to get some last minute things done around the house. Body is definitely "cleaning out"...getting ready for labor, but no regular contractions just yet.

Waiting for the Big Day

When is it going to be?? When will we get to meet our sweet Henry? We go to bed every night and wake up every morning wondering if today could be the day. I really thought I wouldn't feel this way this week after our not-so-great appointment (not much progress), but of course starting Monday night and all week long I've had some pre-labor/early labor signs. Warning MAJOR TMI ahead (there is way too much information on this blog..why stop now??)...it all started with a pretty bad case of diarrhea (I stayed by the toilet most of Tuesday). Well of course this could be food poisoning/stomach bug/or an early labor sign. According to my new favorite book "The Birth Partner," loose stool/diarrhea is caused by an increase in prostaglandins.."these substances soften and thin the cervix and stimulate bowel activity." So of course I started to get a little excited...first time I've ever been excited by that! Then on Wednesday I was feeling pretty normal until late afternoon. I started noticing a lot of contractions so I decided to time them. They were coming every four minutes and lasting for a minute or longer. I also was feeling them more in my back, which is a first for me. I started getting everything ready for the hospital, and Shaun also got a few things together just in case. We didn't rush off to the hospital even though this went on for several hours because the contractions did not become closer together, and they were somewhat painful at times but I could easily be distracted from them. I've heard you really shouldn't think about going to the hospital until you can't talk through a contraction. And since we want to go natural, I would prefer to do some labor at home so no reason to rush. Around midnight...they stopped. sigh. We were starting to get excited :). The rest of this week I've continued to notice an increase in contractions. I also believe that he is dropped. There is a space between my boobs and my belly now (sorry tmi) and previously my boobs were pretty much resting on my belly. Another new development is these incredible sharp shooting pains that happen extremely low sometimes when I'm guessing that Henry is moving his head. It usually happens around a time that he is active so that is why I'm guessing he is the cause ;). It absolutely stops me in my tracks...I can't move, talk, think...until it passes. So there is the progress update! Now if we can just get the real facts on Monday and hope that there is some progress there. I can be patient (as much as I would love for him to come tomorrow), but progress would be encouraging. I've been sitting very unlady like in a squat on a exercise ball and on the edge of my couch this week trying to make sure he can get into position (trying to avoid a c-section here!). I will probably post a blog and some updates if I do go to the hospital! I try to close my eyes sometimes and picture holding him for the first time, and I just can't believe it is really going to happen and within DAYS. Will keep all of you updated!