I sometimes like to think that I'm "over it"..the whole pregnancy thing, but who am I kidding. I went to a chick flick on Friday night with my about-to-pop friend, Jessica (the really sweet one that I threw the shower for). After the movie, the entire theater of women of course went straight to the bathroom. I happened to be in front of her in line, and when a stall became available I started to head for it and then realized that I was being really rude.
"oh sorry jessica, you go ahead."
"oh no, you go...i just went..."
I proceed to the restroom
"But I have to go again!!"
Immediate burst of knowing laughs (way louder then probably anyone laughed in the entire movie)
For some reason I wanted to sit on the toilet and cry. I want to know what it feels like to carry a baby. I want to be able to burst into "knowing" laughter. I'm not "over it", but my desire to be a mother is much, much stronger than my desire to experience the "joys" of pregnancy. Lord turn these empty arms into open arms..ready to receive the miracle you have in store for us.
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Let's Catch Up
- 11/3/11- Back to RE...here we go!
- 8/7/09- Happiest Day of Our Lives...Henry's Birthday! 7lbs 7ounces
- 5/19/09- Pre-term labor...fingertip dilated. Procardia every 4 hours, bedrest indefinitely
- 3/13/09- It's a healthy beautiful baby boy!
- 1/26/09- Pain scare...baby is healthy with five adorable fingers that we could see on the u/s and legs crossed at ankles
- 1/16/09- My Birthday- Heard heartbeat for the first time on doppler
- 12/22/08- First OB Appt
- 12/17/08- Heard the most wonderful sound in the world...baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks
- Thanksgiving Day-BFP!!!!!!!
- 11/08 First Injections cycle...Menopur 150u daily...4th IUI
- 10/08 Femara 5mg...3rd IUI Failed
- 9/08 Femara 5mg..21mm follicle cd 11...IUI 9/19...BFN
- 8/08- Surgery Cycle...Femara 2.5mg...ovulated cd 17..BFN
- 8/11/08--Surgery revealed Stage Two Endometriosis on ovaries and uterus
- August 08--Lap and Hysteroscopy Surgery...hope there is something wrong he can fix!
- July 08--femara 2.5mg 5th consecutive cycle on meds Follies didn't grow..thin lining..no-try cycle
- June 08--c6 femara 2.5mg IUI on Father's Day IUI Failed
- May 08--c5 first RE cycle iui cancelled follicles didn't grow
- April 08--c4..2nd clomid cycle ovulated cd 18...prog 16...a false positive preg test
- March 08--First clomid cycle ovulated cd23...bfn
- Feb 08--cycle 3...bfn
- Jan 08--cycle 2...bfn
- December 07--first cycle trying again..natural bfn
- September 24, 2007--baby Faith went to Heaven
- September 17, 2007--saw baby Faith and heard her heartbeat (second best day of our lives)
- July 07--BFP!!!!!!
- Feb 07--First Infertility Work-up Shaun's S/A Great, Court doesn't ovulate
- December 06--Moved to Mississippi
- January 06- Got off b/c pills
- May 14, 2005- Best day of our lives..our wedding day
- August 05--Engaged on Samford Lawn in Auburn
- September 9, 1999--started dating the most wonderful man in this world
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5 comments:
Oh, I'm so sorry about that experience. I totally think it's the little things that make infertility so hard. I'm praying also that your arms will soon be full. This is some journey, huh?
I am still praying for you. I know that one day God will fill your arms with more children to love than you ever dreamed possible. Waiting on God is the hardest part... I pray that God will help you carry this burden. I pray that you will find happiness until His time. And, it's okay to cry. He hold's every tear in His hand.
-Hugz-
Hey girl- I took two days off from work for my laparoscopy (the day of the surgery plus one day to recover.) My surgery was on a Wednesday, I was off Thursday, then went back Friday. In hindsight, I wish I had asked for a Thursday surgery day. (I asked about Friday but they were all booked up.) Although the pain wasn't too bad on that Friday at work, it was still hard to stand up straight and sit so straight up in an office chair. It wasn't so bad that I needed to leave early, even though my bosses said I could if I needed to.
Hope this helps! Make sure you have a heating pad at home- the weirdest pain from the surgery is the trapped gas in your shoulders. The heating pad helps a lot!
Let me know if you have any more questions. :)
I just found your blog and could immediately sympathize with the feeling of almost "being left out" when pg talk comes up.
Me and dh have also been trying for over 2 years now. I just started stims for IVF #2 yesterday. It's a long, lonely road to walk, but I believe our miracle will come. I'll check back to see how you're doing. Yes, blogging can be really good, FREE therapy!
catching up on your blog & saw this post.... sweetie, i'm right there with you! We'll get there, & you will be an amazing mom.
:)
kate (kprzy)
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