Well girls.....it has been an interesting week. I feel like I need to write 10 posts to catch all of you up on what is going on right now, but I will just have to try to summarize. But before I begin, I just want to thank all of you for your support, encouragement, and most importantly-prayers. This was the most difficult bfn I have ever received, and it meant the world to me that all of you were there for me. So why was this bfn the hardest? For a couple reasons, but I think the biggest reason was because I got my hopes up...really up.
1. First time I have ever ovulated on time (cd 13)
2. 35 Progesterone number
3. IUI Procedure- actually trying at the RE's office.
4. Progesterone suppositories made me absolutely crazy this past
2ww--or at least I can blame it on them (I think b/c I already had a naturally higher progesterone number...my body had way too much prog).
5. Faint positives on hpts 14 days past trigger
So I have mourned the loss of that cycle, and it is time for a new cycle! I will have my first mid-cycle ultrasound on Tuesday so let's all hope for a big follicle!!
Now on to the really big development this week---I have felt for at least a month that we needed to talk to our pastor in more detail about our problems. Every Sunday, I kept looking for a time when not too many people were around so I could talk to him, but there was never a good time. But this past Sunday, the crowds parted, and there he was... all by himself (I wonder if that has ever happened). So I practically ran over there to talk to him.
"Hey Courtney! How is your summer going?"
"Not good." (already started crying that was all I could get out)
"What's wrong?"
I leaned in as if I was going to tell him a deep, shameful secret...
"Infertility." (that is all I could say...pitiful).
"I want to pray with you and Shaun."
So I finally got Shaun to stop talking (he is a talker...especially at church), and our pastor asked us to come up to his office. I wish all of you could have the opportunity to sit on that red loveseat and spill your guts. My pastor is a great listener, and he really took time to understand what we have been through the past two years. He completely agrees with medical intervention and treatment for infertility just like any other disease. He also said that even though God can always make a miracle happen God doesn't ask us to ignore medical facts or statistics. But he surprised us both at his advice..."I want the two of you to start praying about pursuing adoption now." I can't even describe to you what it felt like to hear those words. I think the best way to describe it is....relief. I looked at Shaun, and I could just see it in his eyes. God has been working on our hearts for months and months, but for the first time, we both seriously started considering the blessing of adoption. Adoption is not right for everyone, but it might be right for us. I always try to take control of my infertility but as much as I try I can't do anything...I'm left with empty arms. But I don't want empty arms, I want open arms. I'm praying that God will get our hearts ready to open our arms to the blessing He has in store for us. More to come....
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6 comments:
Just wanted to let you know I'm following your story, and it is great to hear that you had such a moving moment spiritually. Adoption is something that my husband and I are slowly starting to consider, and I pray we'll all find the blessing God means for each of us. I'm realizing that sometimes things don't always work exactly how I thought they would, and that's okay. Have a relaxing
4th. I'm praying that next week will bring great news for you!
It is really great to have someone understanding to talk to. Adoption is a wonderful blessing. I hope all the best for you both.
Wow, I'm so impressed with you for telling your pastor! I know how hard that can be and it's cool that you guys trust him so much. I think it's also very cool that God is working on both your hearts right now about adoption. I'll be praying that God's timing is perfect for you guys, be it a BFP or a BFadoption story!
That's awesome Courtney. I'm so glad you had a good conversation with your pastor. Yeah!!
Hi Courtney, it's Kate (kprzy) & i was just catching up on your blog. i think you pry already know how i feel about adoption, & i just wanted to tell you my heart lifted when i saw you guys were considering it too. I know its not for everyone (& we're still pursuing TTC for now) but my thoughts drift more & more towards adoption. I think we'll find our answer through time & prayer, & i know you guys will too! please keep us posted!
I pray for your hearts to be fullfilled. In whatever way that is possible, either adoption or a BFP. I know a couple people that have adopted and it's just so beautiful. I pray that between you and God, you figure out what is right for you!
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