Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Do I have....
a cyst?? I keep having this nagging pain around my left ovary for the past two days. I didn't have an ultrasound at my appt so I have no idea what is going on in there. Could it be a corpus luteum cyst? It just keeps getting worse, and I'm so bloated all of a sudden. weird.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Emotional Day
I cried all the way home from work today. I blame it on the wide range of emotions I felt all day and of course--progesterone.
Anxious- Woke up this morning feeling anxious for my friend who was being induced at 5 AM, and anxious for my appt to see what in the world my RE was going to say.
Sad- Sad that I had to go to my appt alone because my husband can't get away from his work these days (which I don't blame him for)
Stressed- Stressed with traffic trying to get to the RE's office by 8 AM
Hopeful-Appt went really well with Dr. H...He went over all of my pics from surgery, and we both talked about how happy we are that we did the surgery. He wants to double my meds this next cycle to 5 mg Femara. Oh and he was pleased that I ovulated. He said "maybe you will be pregnant" with a big smile on his face.
Stressed- Back to work in a rush to finish as much as I could in the shortest amount of time so that I would have time to see my friend at the hospital.
Calm- Held a brand new baby girl this morning at baby therapy...she was only 3 hours old, and she loved being held close. I also talked with an Indian woman who is a grandmother of one of the babies who shared with me that she lost two babies, and she just kept saying "this is such a blessing, such a blessing" because they didn't have any medical care in India when she lost her two boys. And although we didn't have a lot in common, we immediately bonded over our love for our lost babies and our appreciation for the little miracles in that room.
Excited- After baby therapy, I texted my friend to see if she was up for a visit. She wanted me to come over so I saw her for a minute and then her dr came in to check her so of course I left. Her husband came out a couple minutes later and handed me the video camera and said "you aren't going anywhere...she is 9!!" I couldn't believe it!! She had a great, fast labor. It was so special to see the dad come out with his sweet baby boy. He was so proud, and the baby was adorable!! Very emotional moment for me. I can't believe 9 months ago that I was confirming that she was pregnant by checking out the lines, and now a healthy baby is here.
So that is why I found myself crying all the way home. I actually just turned all the lights out and went to bed at 6 PM...had a good cry and nap, and I'm feeling better now.
Anxious- Woke up this morning feeling anxious for my friend who was being induced at 5 AM, and anxious for my appt to see what in the world my RE was going to say.
Sad- Sad that I had to go to my appt alone because my husband can't get away from his work these days (which I don't blame him for)
Stressed- Stressed with traffic trying to get to the RE's office by 8 AM
Hopeful-Appt went really well with Dr. H...He went over all of my pics from surgery, and we both talked about how happy we are that we did the surgery. He wants to double my meds this next cycle to 5 mg Femara. Oh and he was pleased that I ovulated. He said "maybe you will be pregnant" with a big smile on his face.
Stressed- Back to work in a rush to finish as much as I could in the shortest amount of time so that I would have time to see my friend at the hospital.
Calm- Held a brand new baby girl this morning at baby therapy...she was only 3 hours old, and she loved being held close. I also talked with an Indian woman who is a grandmother of one of the babies who shared with me that she lost two babies, and she just kept saying "this is such a blessing, such a blessing" because they didn't have any medical care in India when she lost her two boys. And although we didn't have a lot in common, we immediately bonded over our love for our lost babies and our appreciation for the little miracles in that room.
Excited- After baby therapy, I texted my friend to see if she was up for a visit. She wanted me to come over so I saw her for a minute and then her dr came in to check her so of course I left. Her husband came out a couple minutes later and handed me the video camera and said "you aren't going anywhere...she is 9!!" I couldn't believe it!! She had a great, fast labor. It was so special to see the dad come out with his sweet baby boy. He was so proud, and the baby was adorable!! Very emotional moment for me. I can't believe 9 months ago that I was confirming that she was pregnant by checking out the lines, and now a healthy baby is here.
So that is why I found myself crying all the way home. I actually just turned all the lights out and went to bed at 6 PM...had a good cry and nap, and I'm feeling better now.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
And now we wait....
Two week waits are always the hardest for me. But for some reason, I don't feel like this 2ww is going to be as hard...probably because I would be absolutely shocked if we got pregnant right after surgery. My post-op appt is on Tuesday. I really can't wait to hear what my RE has to say about my surgery and our new plan of action. He told Shaun several times after the surgery that he wanted him to be there so that makes me feel like he is going to have a big talk with us. What do you think he is going to say?? injectibles??
TRIGGS ahead...I'm looking forward to tonight. We are going out with some couples for pizza and then bowling. The bowling is really random, but we are trying anything to help my good friend, Jessica, to go into labor. I thought this might be a hard time for me, but I'm really just so excited. Not that I'm at all taking credit for this baby, but I did help her figure out how to time everything and even gave her some pre-seed. She got pregnant the first cycle they tried. Maybe I have a future in NFP/TTC classes...wouldn't that be ironic??
TRIGGS ahead...I'm looking forward to tonight. We are going out with some couples for pizza and then bowling. The bowling is really random, but we are trying anything to help my good friend, Jessica, to go into labor. I thought this might be a hard time for me, but I'm really just so excited. Not that I'm at all taking credit for this baby, but I did help her figure out how to time everything and even gave her some pre-seed. She got pregnant the first cycle they tried. Maybe I have a future in NFP/TTC classes...wouldn't that be ironic??
Thursday, August 21, 2008
What??!!
A positive opk like a normal girl??!! I wish I could type more, but I'm going to be kinda busy tonight.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
The Old-Fashioned Way
Since this is the surgery cycle, we are just trying this month the old-fashioned way. Yep this month is all about getting back to the basics. We won't be giving several updates on the measurements of our follies after several personal ultrasounds; Dr. Shaun will not be giving me a shot in my butt; I won't be giving a butt-load of blood for testing; And a nurse will not be in the room when we try to conceive. Yes just good old-fashioned baby attempting (we all know we can't call it baby making--who are we kidding). I did take my meds this cycle (femara 2.5), and I am trying to track to see if I am going to ovulate with my opks. I'm on cd 12 today, and I'm starting to see what I think is a darkening pattern. It would be so wonderful if I could actually get a positive tomorrow or the next day. A girl can dream...right??
Thursday, August 14, 2008
A New Day
"Tomorrow is a new day"--it was my Mom's favorite thing to say to me when I was growing up...But it was hard to still apply that advice while walking through the valley of infertility because there are very few opportunities in infertility that you get a fresh start or a "new day." As I was recovering from surgery, I received a voicemail from my sister-in-law. She encouraged me to think of this as a new day...a fresh start. I smiled so big when I got her message because I knew that it is what God wanted me to hear. Today is a new day. God has answered our prayers by giving us answers. All of what we have been through the past 2 1/2 years can be explained by this disease. As I waited for surgery alone at that scary point after you say bye to family, but before they roll you into surgery, I prayed for God to give us answers and to heal my body. Then I began to sing "Great is Thy faithfulness" in my head. God is in control of my body and my fertility, and He is faithful. Now here comes the amazing part. The day after surgery, my friend Laura, emailed me the verse below that her friend had just shared with her that day. I know this came from the Lord.
"And the LORD will continually guide you, And satisfy your desire in scorched places, And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail." -- Isaiah 58:11
"And the LORD will continually guide you.."
Looking back over this journey, we can see God's hand through all of the decisions, circumstances that have taken place. He has guided us to this surgery, and He will continue to guide us as we make more decisions about treatments.
The Lord will..."satisfy your desire in scorched places..."
As some of you may know, surgeons remove endometriosis by using a fine heat gun or laser to remove the endo so I now have many scorched places. I pray that He will satisfy my desire in scorched places.
"And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."
I have often felt like my body has "failed" me but that is simply not true. God is in control of my body, and He has given me infertility for a purpose. I will rest in knowing that He is going to heal me and that He will give me the strength to get through this and that someday I will be "like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."
"And the LORD will continually guide you, And satisfy your desire in scorched places, And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail." -- Isaiah 58:11
"And the LORD will continually guide you.."
Looking back over this journey, we can see God's hand through all of the decisions, circumstances that have taken place. He has guided us to this surgery, and He will continue to guide us as we make more decisions about treatments.
The Lord will..."satisfy your desire in scorched places..."
As some of you may know, surgeons remove endometriosis by using a fine heat gun or laser to remove the endo so I now have many scorched places. I pray that He will satisfy my desire in scorched places.
"And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."
I have often felt like my body has "failed" me but that is simply not true. God is in control of my body, and He has given me infertility for a purpose. I will rest in knowing that He is going to heal me and that He will give me the strength to get through this and that someday I will be "like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."
Monday, August 11, 2008
Surgery Update
First of all... I'm sorry if this post doesn't make much sense because I'm on some major pain meds right now..lol! The surgery went very well. My RE found Stage Two Endometriosis on both of my ovaries and the back side of my uterus, and he was able to remove most of the endometriosis. It feels good to at least have some answers now. Shaun and I will meet with our doctor at the post-op to discuss our fertility treatment options, and I will know a lot more after that appointment. Got to get back in bed....big hugs and more details to come soon...
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Surgery Eve
Bowel prep=not fun
Now I'm starting to get nervous. What are we going to find out tomorrow? What if he finds nothing? My biggest fear for this surgery except of course major complications is that my RE will find absolutely nothing wrong. I really think only my IF buddies are going to be able to understand that fear. Please pray. Please pray that we will find some answers tomorrow. I have to be at the hospital at 7AM, and I will try to post something tomorrow afternoon.
Now I'm starting to get nervous. What are we going to find out tomorrow? What if he finds nothing? My biggest fear for this surgery except of course major complications is that my RE will find absolutely nothing wrong. I really think only my IF buddies are going to be able to understand that fear. Please pray. Please pray that we will find some answers tomorrow. I have to be at the hospital at 7AM, and I will try to post something tomorrow afternoon.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Surgery is.........
scheduled for Monday morning!! I'm so relieved that the wait is over and that hopefully we will get some answers soon.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Follow-Up on Baby Therapy
I'm so excited that so many of you were inspired by my Baby Therapy post. I just know that this was God given. The idea never left my head until I finally called, and the day that I called..the orientation was hours away. Here are some tips if you are interested in doing this in your hometown:
1. Call each hospital in town and ask for "volunteer services"--you can just call the main switchboard number
2. Once you get in touch with someone in the volunteer dept., you will need to tell them that you are interested in volunteering at the woman's/infant hospital (might be good to already have the name googled)
3. They should transfer you to the volunteer coordinator for that part of the hospital.
4. Be open about dealing with infertility...."Yes I was calling to see if you had any need for volunteers in the newborn nursery. I've been dealing with infertility OR I've been seeing Dr.____ there at _____ hospital for infertility (that's what I got to say because my dr practices there), and I would really love the opportunity to help out in any way that I can." It has really helped the process that my volunteer coordinator knows about what is going on with me so that she can be sensitive and encouraging. I also think she has really enjoyed giving me the opportunity to hold babies because she knows how much it means to me.
5. Try a lower-income/state hospital first--I know this is sad, but they might be more open to it because some times they have more birth mothers at this type of hospital that for whatever reason can't make it to the hospital very often to see/hold their babies
Please keep me updated if any of you decide to try it in your hometown. Some of you have expressed concern that you might get emotional. Believe me those nurses have seen a million tears and have probably cried their fair share so don't let that hold you back if you are interested in volunteering.
P.S. Need a laugh?? read the post from today: http://eternitytomaternity.blogspot.com/
1. Call each hospital in town and ask for "volunteer services"--you can just call the main switchboard number
2. Once you get in touch with someone in the volunteer dept., you will need to tell them that you are interested in volunteering at the woman's/infant hospital (might be good to already have the name googled)
3. They should transfer you to the volunteer coordinator for that part of the hospital.
4. Be open about dealing with infertility...."Yes I was calling to see if you had any need for volunteers in the newborn nursery. I've been dealing with infertility OR I've been seeing Dr.____ there at _____ hospital for infertility (that's what I got to say because my dr practices there), and I would really love the opportunity to help out in any way that I can." It has really helped the process that my volunteer coordinator knows about what is going on with me so that she can be sensitive and encouraging. I also think she has really enjoyed giving me the opportunity to hold babies because she knows how much it means to me.
5. Try a lower-income/state hospital first--I know this is sad, but they might be more open to it because some times they have more birth mothers at this type of hospital that for whatever reason can't make it to the hospital very often to see/hold their babies
Please keep me updated if any of you decide to try it in your hometown. Some of you have expressed concern that you might get emotional. Believe me those nurses have seen a million tears and have probably cried their fair share so don't let that hold you back if you are interested in volunteering.
P.S. Need a laugh?? read the post from today: http://eternitytomaternity.blogspot.com/
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