7dpIUI (seven days past IUI)...today would most likely be the day that if God decided to give us a baby this month that our sweet little one would be implanting in my womb. This is also always the point in every cycle when I start to feel pregnant, and I walk around as if I'm a 9 month pregnant woman in such a tender state. Believe me...I have the waddle down; I smell things that Shaun can't even smell; I crave Mexican food and hamburgers; I marvel at how big my boobs get in just a couple days; I cry at the most ridiculous things on television. I also find myself praying for my little one just in case I am pregnant. I don't want to miss out on precious time praying for my baby. I place my hand on my lower belly and pray that God will protect our baby and keep it safe. I also love my good friend B's prayer..Please God be knitting away in my womb. Another prayer I started praying recently is for God to "open my womb" as He did for all of the many women who dealt with infertility in the Bible.
On a completely different topic...
I love going to church, but today was hard. We sat down and within the first five minutes, I wanted to cry. We see a very sweet lady that has been praying for me (which I appreciate so much), but she asked me in front of at least three people if I had any news. Ummm no I don't. And don't you think everyone around us knows what you are talking about? Then a couple sat down next to us and the husband made a joke about sitting next to the "sensitive" girl. I tried to laugh it off.."oh yeah I cry a lot, and I will probably be crying again today." Did it ever occur to him that there might be a reason for my tears?
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5 comments:
Some people are just clueless. The good thing about infertility for me is that it made me much more sensitive to what I say to other people. I used to have the tact of a sledge hammer, but have grown out of that!
Hey courtney. Thanks for the comments. You weren't preachy. It was like God knew I needed to hear that. So thank you!!
It was odd, I was sitting in church yesterday thinking that's one of the few places where I've just broken down sobbing (big crocodile tears streaming down my face, not noisy) thinking about becoming pregnant. Thinking about selfishness. And thinking about all the other people who ARE pregnant, and how I'm not one of them. When will it be my turn, pity me, ugly thoughts. Then I'm reminded that I have a big savior who loves me still.
We have a 'young' church where lots of people either are pregnant or have infants. The one encouraging thing is that I know of 4 people at church who've had issues with infertility. 3 of those got pregnant. I've talked to 3 of the 4 (2 pregs, 1 who never got pregnant). But we don't have an official group. I feel once they get pregnant, they don't really want to think about being infertile and they're busy being moms. And those of us that are ttc aren't necessarily open about it or our struggles. Hence the blog. :o) I wonder if I could start a group... I don't know if I'm brave enough.
I often try to trick myself into believing I'm pregnant during the 2ww - am I craving x? does my tummy look fat? But I love your idea of praying for your little one. That's awesome.
Some good intentions go a askew and some people just are insensitive.
I pray the same prayer that God will open my womb and allow me to conceive. I hold fast to I Sam 1:27 and I claim it.
I go to church and I feel that I've been tested so many times. Just the other day, a stranger was being kind to me and I broke down. I ran to church and sat there, cried and cried, seeking for answers. I walked out of church, still with no answers, but hopefully, I'll get my resolution soon.
Will be praying for you. Hugs.
Oh, that's so beautiful Courtney, "open my womb" and "Please God be knitting away in my womb" and praying for your baby. I really hope there's a little one in there receiving all of these prayers!
And I agree, has this person ever stopped to think there are reasons for your tears!!! :( (((hugs))))
Shelley
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