Wednesday, June 25, 2008
A Tough Day
In this infertility journey, I have good days (ex: finding out I have a big follicle), normal days (ex: constantly thinking about ttc), bad days (ex: when my friend thought I should be the first person she should call to tell me that she is pregnant and that she is NOT happy about it--by the way she knows my story), and tough days (ex: when I feel like I'm going crazy and I've hit rock bottom). Today was a tough day. I'm 10dpo today, and I woke up this morning hoping for a positive pregnancy test. Well they were both bfns so I just got back in bed. I could not get out of bed to go to work. I finally made myself get up, and I looked at the tests (past the time limit of course) and they were both positive. My guess is that there is still some lingering pregnancy hormone from my hcg trigger shot, which caused the tests to turn positive after the time limit. I really think the main reason why I was crazy upset is these progesterone supps that I am taking. They are making me feel extremely tired and emotional. I must remind myself that God is faithful and that He has amazing plans for us.
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6 comments:
Dear Courtney,
I'm so sorry that today was one of the tough days. *BIG HUG*
I cannot believe your friend dared call you (and she knows your story) to tell you that she doesn't want her kid!! That sucks. I have a friend who knew I am having trouble getting pregnant (who started ttc after we did), and she talked to me about how she couldn't find any maternity clothes that fit her, "because they all make you grow in the butts, but some people don't get big butts." I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at her and say, some of us would love to be pregnant at all and not even worry too much about gaining a couple pounds because it took so long to get here... but I didn't. I just nodded. It is like being stabbed in the back.
Whenever I'm having a hard time, I look at Romans 5. 2-8:
"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
God does have a plan for us. He loves us more than we can imagine. He sacrificed his son!
I didn't mean to be preachy or write such a long post, but I wanted to reassure you that you are right, God has great plans for you. And he loves you very much.
Hi Courtney,
You don't know me, but I came across your blog and have started reading to follow your story. I'm sorry you had a hard day. I have been TTC for over 2 years now and find it hard to have faith, but I know we must. God does have a plan although it's hard to believe sometimes. I'm praying for you and hope to see the BFP that you most definitely deserve.
-Kim
Oh Courtney! I'm so sorry that your friend called you upset about being pregnant! :( I recently had a somewhat similar conversation with a friend. One that felt "robbed of 'her time' for getting pregnant so fast", as she told ME this who had just m/c'd a couple weeks earlier.
Anyway, I hope and pray that tomorrow or the next day you are getting a blaring BFP with a nice, healthy, sticky bean!! BABY DUST!!!!
Shelley
Hey Courtney- that IS a tough day. I don't understand why your friend would think you were an appropriate person to complain too. I hope you said something to her about it.
The other day I was out with some friends- some knew about our ttc journey, and some didn't. The topic came up and I was open about what we were going through- one of the other girls got tears in her eyes and said that she had had two abortions and hearing me talk about how much we wanted kids made her feel guilty. Ummm....why in the world would she tell me that?! To relieve her own guilt, of course, but seriously- I don't want to hear about how she gave up two babies just because she didn't want them.
I don't know why I told you that story but basically people are jerks and self-centered. I wouldn't surround myself with people like that right now if I were you.
I'll be praying for you.
Hey Courtney,
I am new to your journey on this IF rollercoaster. I am so sorry that yesterday was such an emotional day for you, and I hope this finds you feeling better. I hope you eventually have enough nerve to confront your friend. Write her a letter or something...people are so clueless at just how insensitive they can actually be.
Keep your chin up and keep serching God's word for comfort. I've added you to my favorites and will check back in on you to see how things are going. I hope that those positive lines appear immediately in the coming days.
Courtney,
I'm new to your blog, but it seems we are living parallel lives. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for two years with a miscarriage this winter. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am hoping that this is the month for a positive test.
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