I saw the commercial for First Response Fertility Tests probably close to a year ago now and even though I was completely annoyed at how the commercials seemed to associate infertility with age, the POAS-aholic in me couldn't resist. So when I started my first cycle after Henry this past week, I made a trip to Wa.lmart (who has the best price at 20 bucks for 2, also there is a coupon for 2 bucks off on the FR website) to purchase the test. The night before cycle day 3, I set out the box in front of the toilet with my pee cup (yes I still have a special pee cup in my bathroom cabinet) so that I wouldn't forget since the test instructions say that you have to use first morning urine on cycle day 3 (and no telling how long it will take for me to get another cycle since my cycles are forever long!!). Woke up on cycle day 3 to my old pee cup friend and took the test, but I wasn't too nervous waiting for the results since I already knew that I have an elevated fsh (around 10) for my age. According to the directions, after a wait time of 30 minutes if the line is lighter than the control line or not there at all, then you have a "normal" fsh. Well my line was not as dark as the control line and that left me a little confused. After all, it has been almost two years since I had my fsh tested so my egg supply couldn't have gotten better over the years. I found myself staring at the lines over and over just like I previously stared at opks and pregnancy tests, and there was lots of googling and even calling the company. Through my google search, I found that most fsh urine tests have a sensitivity of 25 mIU/ml. Based on what I've read about fsh in the past, 25 is basically game over for using your own eggs because most REs won't try with those numbers. Since I was told by several customer representatives that the sensitivity of their fertility test was "proprietary information" (although they have no problem publishing the sensitivity of their pregnancy tests and opks), I can't help but assume that it is the same sensitivity as other fsh urine tests used in medical offices (think the urine tests are typically just used to screen for menopause). I have a huge problem with this because even though some women with an extremely high fsh level might take the test and get a positive and immediately go to a dr to get tested. Other women might see that their line was kinda dark but not dark enough and assume that their egg supply or quality has nothing to do with their fertility problems. This helpful link explains fsh and a chart for typical lab values and corresponding success with fertility treatments. Take a look at a fsh of 15 for instance with less of a response to stimulation and a lower embryo quality...if the sensitivity of the FR test is what I assume (and again no way to know since the company won't say), a woman with a 15 fsh would have tested negative. The really annoying customer service rep guy that I talked to kept saying that my results meant that I had an "adequate ovarian reserve." I really wanted to start laughing at him when he tried to explain fsh to me, but I decided to give the poor guy a break.
So in my opinion should you buy this test and try it? Not unless you feel like paying twenty bucks to pee on a stick that isn't going to give you a definitive answer (unless your fsh is sky high...and not sure you would want to find out that from peeing on a stick). My advice...get your RE or your GYN to run your cycle day 3 FSH number and know the exact number.
And remember...be your own advocate!
Okay here is a pic of my stick taken from my cell phone so it is poor quality and the line looked darker in person.
Continue your prayers for sweet Becky and her husband this month. Their story is below.
I want all of you who feel that you are in a good enough place right now to go read the birth story over at Making Lemonade. Miracles happen every day. This baby (Chase) was covered in prayer before he was even conceived, and his story is a sweet testament of God's faithfulness.
Warning--don't read this at work because you will cry.
Please join me in prayer for Becky this month (April-May) and let her know if you prayed for her in the comments section. I know she will be encouraged by all of your prayers, and I know all of you will be blessed by her story. I don't need lots of comments on my other posts (haven't been getting a lot lately....are ya'll still out there??), but I do expect my readers to come out of hiding or google reader (I'm guilty too!) to comment on these praying for a little one posts as I know it would be very encouraging to Becky.
Becky and her husband, John, started trying a little over a year into their marriage. They didn't immediately go for testing since there was some time that they were apart due to both being in the military. Their initial testing did find one problem, but their doctor didn't explain the severity of the issue. A simple google search left Becky staring at the screen in disbelief that it appeared IVF was the only option for them to conceive. (Becky has not discussed the details of their diagnosis on her blog for privacy reasons). Their first IVF attempt did result in a precious little life, but sadly Becky's pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Becky and John believed this sweet baby was a girl and named her Johannah Elise. During their second IVF attempt, Becky was given some very distressing news from her embryologist that was noticed during their first IVF. After receiving the news that IVF #2 was negative, Becky and her husband felt that God gave them a clear no and took time to mourn the loss of a biological child. As Becky explains in this post, "There are very real losses that must be dealt with and accepted before you can move forward with adoption with an open heart. What I realized is that for me the pain of seeing a pregnant women was less about the experience of pregnancy and more about the child that would come. I want to be a parent more than I want to be pregnant." Becky and John felt called to adopt from South Korea through a designated adoption opportunity that came to them but eventually fell through. Even though it was very disappointing, Becky and her husband are glad that the opportunity led them to South Korea adoptions as they definitely feel that they are supposed to adopt from South Korea. Recently, Becky and John received their welcome packet from the Korea program so they are now officially waiting!!!!! The current wait for a referral is six to nine months and the wait for traveling over to Korea is taking about 6-8 months so Becky and John's little one will most likely spend his or her first birthday in Korea. Something very exciting is that because a baby has to be up for adoption for Korean citizens for the first five months and an average referral time is about six months, Becky and John's baby could be born any day or just recently born! Becky is beginning to hope and let herself dream (you can read more about that here). Becky and John will most likely have a boy because boys are less likely to be adopted domestically in Korea, and Becky is dreaming of an airplane themed nursery since they will be stationed next to an Air Force for their next assignment. Too cute!! And a little boy's dream to get to watch all of those planes and jets! They are also talking about names but will wait to finalize as they would like to use their little one's Korean name as their middle name.
Specific Prayer Requests:
-I-600A be processed in a timely manner with no issues
-For the Lord to show Becky how she should be using this waiting time to prepare for motherhood and to continue to serve Him
-For peace and patience as they wait
-For healing for their child who may be born any day now and his/her birthmother as they both experience a profound loss
-For healing for Becky over the pain of infertility and pregnancy loss
-For the Lord to unite us with the child He has for our family
Becky- I'm so excited for you and John, and I can't wait to "meet" your little one. Thank you so much for sharing your journey so we can all learn about adoption and for the blessing of watching God answer our prayers.
I was feeling pretty anxious when I pulled into the clinic's parking lot. I have nothing but great memories of my time at this particular clinic because it is a brand new building that opened at the end of my pregnancy, but I just know from past experiences how quickly that can change. Once I sat down in the waiting room with Henry in his stroller, I heard a girl behind me talking to her husband. I was holding back the tears because I could hear her sniffling big time, and I just knew she just found out she had a miscarriage. I sat there rubbing Henry's leg just so grateful that he was there with me...healthy and safe. I guess I need to stop making up a story for everyone in the waiting room because we got called back to the lab at the same time, and she just had bad allergies ;). But it showed me just how emotional going back to the gyn is for me. Long story short...I'm not pregnant (yes my dr insisted that I should be tested since we don't use protection), but I do have a cyst (small one on my right side). My pain is still more to the left even though the right was tender during the exam. My dr and I both think the pain is related to my endometriosis and since I'm not willing to get on any bc pills, there isn't much he can do. I did crack myself up at one point...when I got back from the u/s room, my dr said he still wasn't ruling out an early pregnancy (because they didn't have the test back for the lab yet), and I replied "why? my lining was only a 6." He laughed...looked down at the paper and agreed..."yeah that is pretty thin." I could tell he was pretty surprised that I knew what I was looking at on the ultrasound screen. So how do I feel about everything? I'm fine. I know that endo is going to be a part of the rest of my life, and I can deal with pain. I'm just glad it wasn't anything else! I go back in six weeks to see how I'm doing.
Going through infertility one of the hardest parts for me (and still hard) is the what ifs. My "what ifs" have changed at different times during our journey..."what if there is something wrong with me and I can't get pregnant" "what if clomid doesn't work?" "what if we do this exploratory surgery and he finds nothing." "what if I can't find the strength to do any more treatments?" "what if I lose another baby?" "what if the tiny sweet baby clothes that I packed up in a box yesterday never needs to be re-opened?" "what if it is going to be many years before I get to do this again?"
Melissa at Stirrup Queens has a special project that she is working with Resolve on called Project IF to participate all that you need to do is leave a comment stating one or more of your what ifs in regards to infertility. I encourage all of you to follow this link to read the what ifs...if you are currently going through infertility, you will leave feeling encouraged that so many other women share your doubts and fears...and if you have never been through infertility, you will leave with a greater understanding of the toll of infertility and how you might be able to comfort someone going through it. If you do leave a comment, please leave it here also.
I know this feeling all to well. I have that achy, crampy, swollen feeling around my left ovary. And sorry tmi...but it hurts when Shaun and I get together (in the last week or so). Hmmm....not really sure what I should do about it because I don't want to take birth control pills to shrink it (won't take another one of those unless it is part of an ivf cycle) and a lap surgery right now is pretty much out of the question (unless of course medically necessary). I guess it could also be my endo growing back. Whatever it is...it is bothering me. Haven't started my cycle back yet so I have no idea what is going on in there! Advice?
Another post below on my vitamin d levels....finally getting to catch up on some blogging.
What is a VW you might ask? About a year ago, my close friend started trying to conceive her second child. Since she knew that I knew way too much about ovulation and how to get pregnant, we talked a lot about "exciting" and tmi things like discharge and timing. Her husband would overhear our conversations and couldn't believe what he was hearing. He nicknamed me the vagina whisperer and my friend and I thought it was hilarious so she started calling me her VW. The name has stuck and several of my IRL friends call me their VW (and one calls me her Fertility Life Coach). I love being able to encourage other women through the trying to conceive process and then to eventually see them through their pregnancy and delivery (haven't had a friend yet to adopt but I would love the opportunity to walk that journey as well). When my friend was on the way to the hospital with strong contractions, she called me to let me know they were on their way, and I heard her husband say, "are you calling your VW?" Too cute :)
Through this blog, I've also had the opportunity to encourage and pray for women that I've never even had the pleasure of meeting. I get emails like "did you have cramping after your IUIs?"... "positive ovulation test tonight...please pray" to the happiest email I've received yet "I'm excited to tell you that I'm pregnant...just took a test a hour ago and my husband isn't here so I haven't even gotten to tell him yet." Do you need someone to stalk your fertility friend chart, pray for you, encourage you through a tough time?? I would love to be your VW or Fertility Life Coach or just plain old Courtney. You can always email me at prayingforalittleone@gmail.com.
DISCLAIMER--not a doctor, and I do not give medical advice! Just encouragement from experiences I've been through so please don't sue me :)
Got my Vitamin D levels back...22.5. Normal levels are 30 to 74 so I'm not severely deficient, but I'm still deficient. My Dr said I do not need a super dose but to start taking 2,000 units and get more sun. I'm also going to need to start getting better about giving Henry his vitamin d drops since this means he won't be getting enough vit d in my milk. I'm actually pretty surprised that I'm low since I've been taking supplements since before I even got pregnant with Henry. Makes me wonder what my level was before I started taking it...yikes! Still curious if anyone else got their levels checked. This is really out there and obviously I don't have a medical degree to know if this is even possible, but it makes me wonder if there is something in my genes that makes it harder for me to absorb vitamin d. They are starting to link endometriosis to autoimmune diseases (like Multiple Sclerosis--which my Aunt has) and then MS has been linked to vitamin d deficiency so it wouldn't be that far of a leap. Okay I'm going to stop pretending to be Dr. Courtney (as my support group calls me) now...
Just wanted to do a follow-up on this post that included some new research on the link between ovulation and vitamin D deficiency. Did anyone get their gyns/REs/regular doctors to run their vitamin D levels? If so...what did you find out? Leave a comment below or email me at prayingforalittleone@gmail.com. I know that my blogger friend Ashley who has PCOS had hers run recently, and her level was 15.5 (with the normal levels anywhere from 32-100). Her doctor put her on a 50000 u once a week super dose for 10 weeks and then a daily 1,000 dosage. Since I've been bugging all of you about getting your levels checked, I'm going to get mine checked this week. I figured there was no need since I'm taking 1,000 daily but apparently that isn't necessarily the case. Will update when I get my number...
Please join me in prayer for Lisa this month (March) and let her know if you prayed for her in the comments section. I know she will be encouraged by your prayers, and I know all of you will be blessed by her story.
When people asked Lisa as a young girl what she wanted to be when she grew up, she always replied "a mommy." The desire to be a mother never left Lisa so when she got married to the love of her life she let him decide when he was ready to start trying. A year and a half later, her husband felt it was time to start and Lisa of course agreed. 6 months later...another negative and a quick pep talk from her GYN to keep trying. 1 year...still waiting so Lisa's GYN decided to run tests on both Lisa and her husband. Through the testing, they did find that Lisa's husband, Barry, had a varicocele which was decreasing his sperm count, and Lisa's doctor also suggested an exploratory lap surgery for her. Not wanting to wait any longer...Lisa and her husband both had surgeries within weeks of each other. In Lisa's surgery, the doctor found endometriosis. Since then, Lisa and Barry have started seeing a RE in Mobile, AL (which is about a 4 hour drive from their home). Lisa's RE diagnosed her with mild PCOS and recommended that they go on the SugarBusters diet and to take Juice Plus to combat environmental toxins. Lisa has already lost 20 lbs on the diet (GO Lisa!!). Two cycles ago, Lisa had her first IUI with a 50 mg Clomid, ultrasound monitoring and trigger shot protocol. Last cycle, she had two large cysts so she had to do a cycle of birth control pills (boo!). But now, the cysts are gone (which is an answer to prayer!) and Lisa's RE has upped her dosage to 100 mg Clomid. Here are Lisa's thoughts on the hardest part of infertility for her:
"The hardest part of infertility for me...would either be just the unknown or the constant reminders everywhere you go of what you don't have. The unknown - if we knew the date that we would get pregnant i could relax knowing my time will come soon. If we knew that we were never going to be able to get pregnant, we could grieve and move on to adoption. The not knowing is hard because you are always questioning, always wondering, always hoping, not knowing when it will end and you will have a baby in your arms! HOWEVER if we DID know how this would end, then we wouldn't have the opportunity to completely and fully rely on God and trust Him. If we knew how it would to turn it, what would there be to trust Him with?
So...maybe the constant reminders of babies everywhere I go. Friends getting pregnant and feeling like they are "getting ahead" of you, pregnant bellies, pregnancy announcements, babies, families, TV shows, movies - you can't get away from it. It is hard seeing all of that and wishing that YOU had it. The thing that I think I have struggled with the most is the jealousy aspect of it. I can trust that the Lord is in control and has a plan for me, but it is so hard not being jealous of people who have what I want so desperately."
One of the reasons, I enjoy reading Lisa so much is that so many of the things she writes reminds me of how I processed/felt things with infertility. I could have written the above paragraph while I was waiting.
Lisa's Prayer Requests: 1. For the dosage of 100mg Clomid will be sufficient and cause Lisa to have a good strong ovulation 2. For the fertility medications to not cause more cysts this cycle 3. For this cycle to end in a pregnancy 4. Strength and peace as they wait and that God will bring Lisa and Barry closer to each other and to Him through this journey.
I also wanted to share this blog post that Lisa wrote on "Why I'm Thankful for my Infertility" . It is so hard to see the good when going through such a difficult journey/struggle as infertility, but I encourage all of you who are still waiting to consider writing a list like this.
On a lighter note, Lisa is taking a pic holding up the number IUI it is...like I did! Made my day when I saw this.
Let's hope (and pray!) that she will only have to hold up 2 fingers and that this will be the cycle! This is also Lisa's birthday month (happy birthday lisa) so let's hope it is a good one! Keep us updated Lisa!
Please join me in prayer for Loren this month (Jan-Feb) and let her know if you prayed for her in the comments section. I know she will be encouraged by your prayers, and I know all of you will be blessed by her story
Loren met her hubby in 2002, and they became best friends almost immediately. By 2003, they were madly in love and didn't look back. Unlike many couples, Loren and her husband didn't wait to try to conceive and never prevented pregnancy. It was after a year of trying that Loren found herself at a gyn clinic looking for answers. Loren was diagnosed with anovulation, and clomid was recommended for treatment. Those of you who have taken clomid know how hard even just one cycle can be on your emotions...Loren and her husband attempted six. The stress of treatments proved to be too much, and they stopped treatments in September 2008.
Since stopping treatments, Loren and her husband have been able to relax more and are waiting patiently for God to lead them towards the next step. But of course even without the stress of infertility treatments, infertility still takes a toll. Here are Loren's thoughts on the hardest part of dealing with infertility for her:
"The emotions. Infertility has more ups and downs and all arounds, than anything I have ever experienced. I think the worst part is the feeling of being alone. Although I know my husband wants a child, I do not feel like he has the physical desire that women naturally have. I see and read about so many women who struggle with Infertility yet still I feel so alone. Every woman's story is different. Some days are harder than others. One of the most bitter moments for me was when I went through my blog roll of Infertility Blogs, and ALL of them had turned into pregnancy or parenting blogs. Out of the original blogs that I read, not a single one of them was still infertile. Except me. It gives me a sense of being left out or left behind. I want so much to be on the other side of infertility, but time seems to only take that dream further away from me. I remember being that "girl" on the message boards and blogs that had been trying to conceive for 13 months, or 15 months... never ever ever in my wildest dreams did I think I would be "this girl" the girl that has been trying even longer than most, the girl that has been trying for 42 months!!!! 42 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days to be exact! but I am that girl. Like it or not. So i'm trying daily to accept that and put my faith in the Lord, that I will one day be the girl that has all her dreams come true. The girl that becomes the Mom!"
Loren's Prayer Requests: For God to continue to strengthen her marriage and allow Loren and her husband to communicate their feelings with one another. For strength to keep faith, and for God to lead Loren to make the right decisions for her future. Pray for healing. For courage to not break down during her weak moments. Most of all Loren thanks God for all of the blessings that she has, and she prays that she never loses sight of what is important in her life.
Here is a picture of Loren snuggling with her precious nephew. Can't you tell she is just the sweetest southern girl? Praying for you Loren--keep us updated!!
Hey Girls! I know a lot of you are still keeping up with me through forthislittleoneweprayed, but I wanted to update over here and explain a slightly new direction for this blog. The purpose of me starting a new parenting after IF blog was so that I could keep prayingforalittleone as an infertility blog, but I feel like I failed myself and my sweet readers these last five months. I've been praying and thinking about what I should do with this space, and I feel that God is leading me into turning this blog into more of a ministry than just me getting on my soapbox (but I'm sure that will still happen from time to time). Since having Henry, I've felt called to pray for those still waiting more than I ever have previously. Just looking down at him and seeing what a miracle he is has made me even more sensitive to those around me who are still waiting. Starting this month, I will be asking all of you to join with me in prayer for one woman in particular each month. This month God has put a very special woman on my heart to share with us, and I believe we will all be blessed by hearing her story and praying for her. Post coming soon...
Also, I've recently received a lot of questions from readers, but a lot of you do not have infertility blogs (I don't want to comment back on a personal blog for your privacy) so I wanted to start answering questions on this blog. First a disclaimer....I'm NOT a medical professional, and any answers to questions would be only for support and ideas NOT medical advice. If you have a question about my journey or pretty much anything about infertility email me at prayingforalittleone@gmail.com or leave a comment on any post. One of the blogs I frequently read has started a Help a Reader Out post, and I think this is a great idea to help a reader get more feedback from all of you instead of just me (because again I'm NOT an expert!). Our first Help a Reader Out is from a new reader Megan:
"Hi Courtney - Im the "anonymous" commenter from your other blog. I left a comment on your letter to the "purple shirt girl". I have been seriously loving this blog. I started from the beginning and read all of your posts. Your story is truly a testament to the "awesomeness" of the Lord. Thank you so much for sharing.
I have a question... open to anyone who may read this.
My husband and I have been trying the "natural" way for 2 years. I HATE taking medicine, so I have just been praying each month. I have used the OPK but with no luck - obviously. So... I started reading a book called the Infertilty Cure by Randine Lewis. That got me going to an accupuncturist and on herbs. I have been doing that for a short while. I love it. It is all about treating the cause, not the symptoms. However, I have an appointment with a fertility doctor in Feb. (on my birthday, actually...fun way to spend my 27th birthday, right). After reading this, it sounds like I need to do research before I even get to the appointment. Are there certian things that I need to ask him, or look for. I feel overwhelmed!!!!!!
Much Love to you all,
Megan
Megan, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I can't believe you read my entire blog that had to take some time! First of all, I have the book "Infertility Cure," and I think it is a GREAT book for an eastern approach to infertility. They are learning more and more about how accupuncture and herbs can help infertility so I'm glad you are doing your research and are being proactive. I'm also happy to see that you made an appointment with a fertility doctor. From your comment, it seems that you and your husband haven't had an infertility workup yet and a doctor specializing in infertility is a good place to get that completed. First, my advice on the doctor would be to make sure he is a board certified Reproductive Endocrinologist. You can see all of the doctors in your area by clicking here. I would also check the cdc website to look at the clinic's success rates in your area. 2007 is the most recent data available, but I would think 2008 should be coming out soon. Even if you aren't going to attempt IVF, it is a good way to find the best clinic and doctor in your area. A good RE will look for a cause to your infertility before starting a treatment plan. This will include bloodwork (to see if you are ovulating and to check for other problems like thyroid etc), ultrasound, a HSG to see if your tubes are clear, and a semen analysis. The first appointment will probably just be a discussion of the possible treatment options out there and info on all of the testing. Believe me, I understand not liking medicine. I hesitate before I even take a tylenol! But sometimes with a disease/condition like infertility, you need medicine (God can of course decide to heal you without medicine, but He does work through medicine too--this is another post for another day). However, I do like the idea of combining the good of both eastern and western medicine for treatment. I know you feel overwhelmed, but it won't be long, and you will be an expert on infertility and your body! Don't stress about having all of the answers right now. Just make sure you have a good doctor that you can trust and take it day by day in prayer. Keep us updated on what you find out at your appointments!
Okay readers....now it is your turn! Help Megan out--what advice do you have for her as she goes to her first infertility consult appointment?
One of my major frustrations with doctors while being treated for infertility was the very common practice of just treating the symptoms and not the cause(s). If you go to your GYN one year after trying, you will most likely get a 21 day progesterone bloodwork (maybe a thyroid and prolactin) and a semen analysis for your hubby along with a prescription for clomid. Go have fun! No monitoring with ultrasounds, no real concern for what is causing the ovulation problems...just here is your clomid candy. When that doesn't work (it does work for some people...yay for them), it is time to see a RE. Depending on your RE, you might get more of a thorough workup with different hormone levels, but from what I've witnessed from my own experience and read from other IF bloggers...it is more of the same just a more aggressive version. Hey here is this clomid or femara...come back around day 10 for an ultrasound...okay time to trigger with a hcg shot...two days later come back for an IUI. When that doesn't work, the next step for most REs is injectables. Other REs jump straight from the clomid/femara protocol to IVF (my dr is one of these- but I twisted his arm to do injectables...something not right about going from a $7 medication to a 10,000 cycle). So there you sit with two choices, go home with no baby and no treatment or take the 10,000 dollar plunge for IVF. Half of the couples (if you go to a good clinic) exit the scene at this point with their little miracles...with the other half having to go back to the RE for a WTH Appt (what the heck is a nicer term than what most IF bloggers use). Sometimes REs are able to give answers on why the cycle didn't work but for the most part it is just a better luck next time appointment. Now the couple feels like they can't step back to a more affordable treatment from IVF, they must slap down another 10 grand if they want to try again. Does anyone else see a problem with this??!! Now before I go any further...please do not get me wrong! I am all for REs--in fact I love them. They are the ONLY ones in my opinion who should prescribe fertility meds because of proper monitoring and nurse accessibility with a few exceptions. I love infertility treatments--clomid, injectables, IVF. All of these are important medications and treatments, but they should be used once everything (and I mean everything!) is looked at for possible causes of the infertility. Do you know I had to ask for my surgery? There is no way to know now if I would have gotten pregnant without the surgery but at least I know now the cause of my infertility (or at least part of the cause).
This vent now brings me to why I'm writing this post. My IRL friend also is completely frustrated with this process, and she has decided to take charge of her treatment plan and her overall wellness. She went back to her GYN to ask her to run every possible test/bloodwork that she could. If you saw this friend's medical file, you would think that every test would have already been run...unfortunately that is not the case. Everything so far has come back normal (still pending some results) except for a major vitamin D deficiency. After finding this out, my friend googled vitamin d deficiency and infertility and was floored by what she found. I had not heard about this study, and I couldn't wait to get home to google after hearing about it from her. I started taking Vitamin D3 1,000iu daily probably around August of last year along with my prenatal, baby aspirin, and dha/omega 3 oils because my mom bought some for me. We are all super sensitive about MS because my Aunt has MS, and there is a strong genetic link in our family. My Aunt's doctor told her that her younger female relatives should be taking vitamin d3 so that is why my mom purchased the vitamins for me. What if my deficiency was part of the cause for my ovulation problems??!!
Here is the current research on Vitamin D and Infertility: (hopefully more will come soon)
A team from Yale studied infertile women and their Vitamin D levels. Not a single woman with ovulatory disturbance or PCOS had normal Vitamin D levels. They even found that those undergoing infertility treatments that had a higher level of Vitamin D were more likely to achieve pregnancy. These studies were small so more in-depth studies are needed, but in the meantime...why not add a little Vitamin D supplement? (of course talk to your dr first). You might need a prescription for a major dose of Vitamin D if you are severely deficient. This was the case for my friend.
I encourage all of you who are still waiting for your precious little one to research and to become an advocate for your own health. Remember that you know your body more than anyone else. Ask questions. Demand bloodwork. Pray for wisdom. It is absolutely no skin off a doctor's nose (no idea where this saying came from?) to run a few tests. Checking your vitamin levels and ALL of your hormone levels is a great place to start. And once the levels come back...don't just accept that they are "okay"...know what the levels or results are and what they mean. Give hugs and read Eileen's story for just one example of why we have to be our own advocate (which includes finding the right doctor!).
If you do this or plan to...please let me know what you found!
At my postpartum visit this week another new mom in the waiting room saw that I just had Henry and decided to strike up a conversation with me. We talked about feeding and sleeping schedules and all of the typical newborn mom small talk, but as we were talking I couldn't help but notice another woman sitting close by and her body language as she listened to our conversation. I cringed as the new mom talked about how "weird it was to be at the clinic without being pregnant" and many other comments that I knew would have hurt me if I had overheard them a year ago when I was at the gyn for my annual in the middle of fertility treatments. The woman nearby was flipping through a magazine and cringing every time I was cringing. I tried to tell myself that I was just imagining things, but when I saw her obviously make a face when the lab tech said, "see you next year." I knew she was struggling with infertility. I decided that if anyone said anything about Henry while I was waiting for bloodwork that I would say something so that she could be encouraged or she could talk to me if she wanted. The lab tech that I had for what felt like a million appointments during the pregnancy started ooing and aahing over Henry so I took the opportunity to say, "he really is a miracle." She started talking about how all babies are miracles once you learn what can go wrong and then I replied that every baby is for sure a miracle once you realize all that has to happen. Immediately my infertile friend spoke up (took the bait!)..."did you have to do fertility treatments to get pregnant?" I couldn't believe I was actually right about her! But it turns out I was only partially right. She did previously struggle with infertility, but she was there for a postpartum appointment. She had to do IVF to get pregnant with her first, but then had two surprise pregnancies so she has her hands full now with three under three! After she made sure to tell me to be careful (that advice went in one ear and out the other-no birth control for us!), we discussed infertility treatments like we were old friends. I know infertility is common and that I could have just made a lucky guess, but there was something about her body language. She heard things the way I heard them. She was sitting there with three babies at home, but infertility changed her just like it changed me. We can't sit there and hear "see you next year" and not think about the poor girl that is there for her yearly and praying that it is not another year before she makes it back to the clinic again. Our prayers were answered...we have our miracles, but going through infertility will forever change us.
When I started Praying for a Little One in May 2008, I was in a very bad place in my life. The unfulfilled due date of Baby Faith had just passed, and I got a false positive pregnancy test on a clomid cycle that month. I found myself needing to write down my feelings to sort things out, but I didn't expect anyone to read along. I didn't anticipate how therapeutic blogging would be for me or the incredible amount of support and encouragement I would receive from the amazing community of infertility bloggers around the world. It is such a blessing to be able to look back now at the archives of Praying for a Little One and see what God has done in just a year. As I enter my third week of motherhood, I find myself wanting to blog about the little adventures and sweet moments of our little guy. I'm keeping Praying for a Little One active as an infertility blog and will continue to post thoughts and encouragement about infertility so I've decided to create a separate parenting after infertility blog. So much to say...so little time! It has definitely been the most life changing, challenging, and joyful three weeks of my life. Come laugh with us as we figure out how to be parents to our little miracle! http://forthislittleoneweprayed.blogspot.com
August 7, 2009. The best day of our lives. The alarm went off at 3:30 AM, but I was already wide awake. I think I got about two hours of sleep. Shaun and I both easily got out of bed and started getting ready to leave for the hospital. I took a nice long shower and got all fixed up for the hospital. I'm sure the L&D nurses laugh at the couples who come in so cleaned up, but we were that couple--Shaun in his new light blue and white stripe polo, and I was in full makeup and pearls. We wanted to make sure we were the first ones in line at the hospital so we left our house at 4:30 AM to make it to the hospital by 5:00 AM (instead of 5:30 which is when we were actually supposed to be there). On the way over to the hospital I was having contractions five minutes apart. I was hoping that this might mean I could avoid pitocin, but unfortunately I still needed it. Shaun and I hurried in to the hospital to check-in, and we were happy to see that we were the first ones there. Shaun was making me laugh like crazy while we waited to be admitted. A couple minutes later...another couple arrived, and they even tried to save time by driving up to the door (this hospital is a one floor hospital with parking right in front- not really necessary). The competition was now on! They called both of us back at basically the same time to be admitted. I was getting out my cards as fast as I could and ready with my pen to sign as quickly as possible. Our lady was slow so the other couple almost beat us, but we got out right before them and made it to L&D first. Once we got into the room, they asked for the usual urine sample and for me to change into my hospital gown. This of course is when it started feeling more real, but we still were laughing and having a good time. The nurses made me take out my pearl earrings (so sad) and then attempted to have me take off my wedding ring--that ring wasn't going anywhere--it was so tight! I actually had a choice about whether or not I wanted an enema or not, and I opted for one--no pooping on the table for me! and I was hoping it would get labor going. They asked Shaun to go to the cafeteria for 30 minutes, and I was given some privacy :). I really didn't think the enema was bad at all, but I was pretty cleaned out already (see post below for more info if you really care to know ;). Right around 7 AM, my nurse for the day came in to get my pitocin started (started at 6 mu) , and I was so excited to see that it was my nurse from my pre-term labor scare- Elizabeth! She was so sweet that day when I was completely freaked out, and I knew she would be a great labor and delivery nurse. We sat and talked with her about our intentions to try for natural childbirth without medication. She was very supportive of whatever we wanted to try. Not long after that my doctor came in to check me and to break my water. I was still the same dilation/effacement from my appointment on Monday (3-4 cm). It was such a weird sensation when he broke my water....a big warm gush of fluid. And it kept coming and coming and coming...I couldn't believe how much fluid kept coming out for the next few hours. I started feeling more pain once my water was broken. At this point it was just an uncomfortable cramping at the time of the contractions. It was similar to the very, very beginning of my menstrual cramps (remember that I have endometriosis so I experience a much more intense level of pain once the cramps really kick in with my period). I knew at this point that it would be best for me to rest as much as possible and to stay distracted from the pain so I labored in bed and visited with several family members and friends. By the time my mom arrived to the hospital probably around 9 AM, my contractions were intense. They were now to the pain level that I experience with my menstrual cramps. I could no longer talk during the contractions, and it was impossible to distract me from the pain. The only difference between this and my cramps is that I actually got a two minute break and that made a huge difference. So to those endo girls out there...yes it is very close to childbirth pain. I always used to tell Shaun that my pain had to be close to childbirth, and I was right! My mom had natural childbirth with all four of us so she kept reminding me about the importance of relaxing during the contractions. This really is so key to dealing with the pain. If you tense up, you will experience so much more pain. You have to focus on relaxing your entire body during the contraction. My mom was sitting there trying to breathe and relax during the contractions, and it was cracking me up. It was obvious that she needed to breathe more than I did at that point--she was very tense as any mother would be when their daughter is in labor. Then my two wonderful sister-in-laws (I don't have any sisters so they are the closest thing I have, and they are the best) came in to see me for a few minutes. I was very happy to get to see them, and they came just in time. I was getting to the point where I was about to not be able to see anyone. I was able to visit like usual in between contractions, but I was really hurting during my contractions. They were all three rubbing me during the contractions which definitely helped. At this point I looked over at my pitocin dosage to see that it was 24...much more than 6...and I could tell. After my sister-in-laws left, my nurse checked me, and I was only 4 almost 5cm. I thought for sure I would have made more progress, but Elizabeth was very encouraging and explained to me that getting to five was the hardest part and that it will go much faster after reaching five...and she was right! It was at this point that Shaun and I both could tell it was time to start focusing and finding a rhythm and position that worked for me during the contractions. Elizabeth turned off the overhead lights, and Shaun started the music that we brought for labor (my blog playlist actually). I decided to sit on the exercise ball during the contractions. This is when hours felt like minutes. I know it would seem that it would be the opposite, but time flew for me. Shaun was an amazing labor coach. I mean amazing. The several hours that we spent together during labor were some of the most bonding moments of our entire marriage. Shaun massaged my lower back during every contraction and helped me stay focused on breathing and relaxing. The contractions were so close together at this point (pitocin now at 36) that we literally had less than a minute break sometimes no break at all between contractions. I moaned, rocked, and prayed out loud. It probably sounded like a revival was going down in that delivery room! I loved being able to experience labor physically and emotionally. It is hard to describe the pain level at this point in the labor, but the one thing that surprised me about the pain was the incredible amount of pressure that I felt with every contraction. It felt like I was feeling his head move down with every contraction, and it probably was! I felt more pressure while standing or on the birth ball, but I knew this meant that I was making progress. At the point that I decided to get an epi, I was no longer getting much of a break between contractions, and I started to feel fear of what was to come. This is very typical of the transition portion of labor, but I decided at that point to have my nurse check me and to probably get an epidural. She checked me, and I was almost 8 cm. I knew that I could make it without the epi, but I decided at that point that I didn't want to! Once I made the call for the epi, they sent Shaun out of the room to prepare me for the epi, and I had to stay in bed as they got everything setup. This was most definitely the worst pain I experienced during the entire labor. I didn't have Shaun there to help me through the contractions, and the pain was pretty much impossible to handle alone. I was extremely annoyed with the anesthesiologist and his nurse. The first thing the anesthesia nurse said when she walked in was "I knew you were going to get an epidural." I never even saw this woman before, and she just "knew" I was getting an epi. Were they taking bets out there or something? I was in the middle of a contraction so I didn't say a word, but I felt like calling off the epi at that second and telling her where she could put her epi. I know that doesn't sound like me, but I just about had it! But fortunately I didn't...and somehow I made it through the procedure without Shaun. It was definitely a relief when the epidural kicked in for sure. I don't regret getting the epidural at the end, and I most definitely don't regret attempting natural childbirth. I already know that if I'm blessed to ever experience labor again that I will try to avoid induction, and I will attempt a completely natural labor and delivery. It is like my recovery nurse said at the hospital, "if anyone actually had the opportunity to go into childbirth naturally...it might actually be possible to have a natural childbirth." I don't regret inducing this time because it was so wonderful to have all of our family in town the night before our delivery and the delivery day. Everything worked out exactly as I would have hoped, and I don't have any regrets. Shaun and I spent a few quiet moments together, and we both started to get emotional as we realized how close we were to holding our sweet boy. Not long after the epi, I was 10 cm, and it was time to start pushing. Wow! It is pretty much impossible to push when you can't feel yourself pushing! Shaun and I both weren't really prepared for the pushing stage of delivery. Shaun was on one side holding one leg up...my nurse Elizabeth was on the bed watching the progress and stretching, and another really great labor and delivery nurse held my other leg. They finally came in and turned my epi down which really helped me to be able to at least feel some pressure. And they brought in a mirror! I was a little not sure about this, but the mirror really helped! I was able to see his head, and it really helped to see that I was making progress. Plus, I was starting to get a little jealous of Shaun getting to see his head so I'm glad I got the mirror :). Yes...Shaun watched the progression the entire day so he wasn't at all freaked out by the look of things down there :). Two hours later...it was time to bring in the doctor and the team of nurses for delivery. It seemed like within seconds of the nurses making the call that the room transformed. Big lights came out from the ceiling...blue drapes were placed all over me, and everyone got into position. I couldn't believe the moment finally arrived. All of that waiting for this sweet little miracle, and we were minutes away. My doctor talked me through the rest of the pushes. And then I felt Henry enter the world. It was such an incredible feeling! My doctor lifted him up, and it was love at first sight. I reached out my hands to feel him as Shaun cut the cord, and my doctor asked if I wanted to hold him. I of course said, "Yes!! I want to hold him!!" and at that moment, he was placed in my arms. I will never forget how amazing it felt to feel him on my chest. I can't even describe the joy. They had to take Henry over to the warming table to get cleaned up so Shaun went over to be with him. Everyone was busy working around me, and I was just laying there laughing and crying at the same time. I'm sure my doctor was having a hard time stitching me up because I couldn't stop laughing! They had to take Henry over to the warming table to get cleaned up so Shaun went over to be with him. Everyone was busy working around me, and I was just laying there laughing and crying at the same time. A few minutes later (which felt like forever), I got to hold Henry again before Shaun took him out to see our family and friends. Everyone was waiting forever for us because they knew we were pushing around four and now it was 7 o'clock! I think everyone was getting pretty worried! Shaun walked out with him, and a few seconds later, I heard this big outburst of squeals. I started crying my eyes out at that point, and I asked a nurse to tell my mom to come back to see me. My mom came walking through the door, and she was crying really hard. It was such a special moment that we were able to share together. About 30 minutes later, Shaun and a nurse returned with our sweet boy to try to nurse. I was worried before delivery about breastfeeding for the first time, but the nurse helped him latch on, and he immediately took to breastfeeding. I just looked down and couldn't believe my eyes. What a miracle! A year ago I was preparing for surgery...in December we saw a sweet baby the size of a pea with a strong heartbeat...and now there he was looking at me with his precious eyes. How great is our God? "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23
"Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting" Psalm 126:5
Joyfully annoucing the birth of Henry Jackson born August 7, 2009, 7 lbs 7 ounces 21 inches long at 7:04 PM. He is a perfect miracle from God. Birth story coming soon...
Just a quick update...wow there really is no way to describe the pain. I held out until around 2 pm, but I decided to get an epi at 8 cm. I don't regret one second of the natural childbirth because I think it helped with progress, but now I'm relaxed and ready to enjoy the rest of the birthing process. Shaun was absolutely amazing!!! I'm getting pretty emotional as we get closer to meeting our sweet boy!! I can't believe it! Please pray for a safe and healthy delivery!
Today is the day!! Shaun and I are so excited!! We are all checked in, and I'm having contractions five minutes apart without any meds yet. This is actually just a test to make sure that I can email updates from my blog via blackberry. Will continue to send many more updates so stay tuned!
I don't know what to do with myself! We are going to meet Baby Henry by Friday and as much as I try to wrap my brain around that I feel like I'm living in a dream. I know there is probably so much that I need to do around the house to prepare, but I don't know what to do. Some of our family is coming up tonight so this is my last chance to get ready. Right now I'm sitting here looking up at one of my favorite pictures taken of Shaun and I on our wedding day. Our photographer pulled us away from the reception to take some pictures outside. We sat on a bench together, and my forehead was resting on Shaun's cheeks. Most of our wedding day was a blur, but I can distinctly remember the stillness of that moment and how amazing it felt to be together. It makes me want to cry (I am crying actually) when I look at that picture because we had no idea at that time how much heartache we were going to face and how much deeper our relationship would become because of our trials together. I can now say as we are days away from meeting our sweet little miracle that I wouldn't take back one second of the wait...not one tear...because I'm so grateful for how God has used infertility in our lives. I can see His purpose in the pain. I've loved every moment of this pregnancy...even the bedrest. To feel so full of life after so many years of feeling empty and barren, there are no words to describe that joy. I guess to be honest there is a part of me that is a little sad about it being over, but I know that will all melt away when I finally get to look into the eyes of our sweet boy. I will keep all of you updated if anything happens!
Just got back from a much better doctor appointment than last week! What a difference a week can make! I'm currently 3 almost 4 cm dilated, 60% effaced, and Henry is dropped and ready to go! Dr says it could be any day. We are going to wait on induction and if nothing happens by Friday morning then we will start a small dosage of pitocin to get things going. So what does this mean????? Shaun and I are going to get to meet our sweet boy by this Friday. We are literally hours/days away from holding him. As much as I try to wrap my brain around that, I just don't think I'm going to believe it until I get to kiss his sweet cheeks. I was holding back my excitement as much as possible while Shaun and I were in the clinic, but once we got into the elevator...I busted out into a little happy dance. I'm giddy :). I'm definitely going to update the moment I even think about going to the hospital! I even have the email update activated on this blog so I should be able to write emails on my blackberry to update the blog. All of you have been so sweet and supportive through this journey...I'm not going to leave y'all in the dark! Well off to get some last minute things done around the house. Body is definitely "cleaning out"...getting ready for labor, but no regular contractions just yet.
When is it going to be?? When will we get to meet our sweet Henry? We go to bed every night and wake up every morning wondering if today could be the day. I really thought I wouldn't feel this way this week after our not-so-great appointment (not much progress), but of course starting Monday night and all week long I've had some pre-labor/early labor signs. Warning MAJOR TMI ahead (there is way too much information on this blog..why stop now??)...it all started with a pretty bad case of diarrhea (I stayed by the toilet most of Tuesday). Well of course this could be food poisoning/stomach bug/or an early labor sign. According to my new favorite book "The Birth Partner," loose stool/diarrhea is caused by an increase in prostaglandins.."these substances soften and thin the cervix and stimulate bowel activity." So of course I started to get a little excited...first time I've ever been excited by that! Then on Wednesday I was feeling pretty normal until late afternoon. I started noticing a lot of contractions so I decided to time them. They were coming every four minutes and lasting for a minute or longer. I also was feeling them more in my back, which is a first for me. I started getting everything ready for the hospital, and Shaun also got a few things together just in case. We didn't rush off to the hospital even though this went on for several hours because the contractions did not become closer together, and they were somewhat painful at times but I could easily be distracted from them. I've heard you really shouldn't think about going to the hospital until you can't talk through a contraction. And since we want to go natural, I would prefer to do some labor at home so no reason to rush. Around midnight...they stopped. sigh. We were starting to get excited :). The rest of this week I've continued to notice an increase in contractions. I also believe that he is dropped. There is a space between my boobs and my belly now (sorry tmi) and previously my boobs were pretty much resting on my belly. Another new development is these incredible sharp shooting pains that happen extremely low sometimes when I'm guessing that Henry is moving his head. It usually happens around a time that he is active so that is why I'm guessing he is the cause ;). It absolutely stops me in my tracks...I can't move, talk, think...until it passes. So there is the progress update! Now if we can just get the real facts on Monday and hope that there is some progress there. I can be patient (as much as I would love for him to come tomorrow), but progress would be encouraging. I've been sitting very unlady like in a squat on a exercise ball and on the edge of my couch this week trying to make sure he can get into position (trying to avoid a c-section here!). I will probably post a blog and some updates if I do go to the hospital! I try to close my eyes sometimes and picture holding him for the first time, and I just can't believe it is really going to happen and within DAYS. Will keep all of you updated!
Today we started out with a biophysical and weight estimate ultrasound to check on Baby Henry since he has been a little quiet these past few weeks. The good news is that he is practicing his breathing like he is supposed to, which is a great sign that he is still doing very well in my belly. He is also estimated to be a big boy for 37 weeks at 7 lbs 7 ounces. Now I know that ultrasound measurements are consistently wrong so he could be smaller, but it is good to hear that he seems to be a nice healthy size. The ultrasound tech also pointed out that he has huge hands! They were so cute and chunky :)...can't wait to kiss them! I was feeling pretty encouraged and excited after the ultrasound because he looked so great. Unfortunately, I didn't get the best news during the cervix checking portion of my doctor appointment :(. Still no progress...Henry hasn't dropped, no changes in dilation or effacement. Apparently most first babies drop weeks before their due date and if this doesn't occur...my doctor starts to wonder if there isn't a reason for why he hasn't dropped (ex: too big for pelvic bone structure). We talked again about a possible induction date of August 5th (holy cow that is in a week), but I explained to my doctor that I'm not interested in inducing until/unless absolutely necessary. All of the c-section and induction talk left me feeling very discouraged and confused, but I'm feeling better after talking it over with some family and friends. We have waited a long time for this sweet baby boy, and if there is one thing that infertility has taught me it is patience during a unknown waiting period :). As much as I'm looking forward to the sweet day that we get to hold our little boy, I can wait until he is ready. All we can do now is pray that things will progress and most importantly pray for a healthy and safe delivery. In the meantime...I'm going to choose to treasure this precious time that I have left with Henry in my belly. He is growing up too fast already :).
Now for my curious readers...what is in those bags?? I tried my best not to over pack, but I can't help myself at the same time :).
The Labor Bag-
Freezer ziplock of snacks for Shaun- granolas, fruit snacks, trail mix--have to keep that labor coach energized!
Blood pressure cuff and belts- the l&d nurses asked for me to bring these back...I guess it saves the hospital money or me?
"The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin- absolutely the BEST I've seen in information regarding natural childbirth...has a lot of easy to find/quick guides for situations that might come up
Labor Positions chart
Massage tools and lotions--also included a sock with two tennis balls in case of back labor
Chapstick
Focal point--Henry's 4d pics
Eyeglasses--didn't know if they would make me take my contacts out if I had a c-section
Also plan on packing my ipod with some tunes
Slippers and socks
Thin robe
Hair Bands
Diaper Bag
Going home outfit--blue with white polka dot kissy kissy gown with hat to match and white booties :)
2 gowns
1-2 side snap white shirts
2 pairs of socks
1 receiving blanket
2 burp cloths
Nursing Pads
Postpartum Bag-a.k.a Post-party Bag- Shaun has only heard the term postpartum in the context of postpartum depression so he said we should call it the post-party bag instead :)
No-so-cute Panties
Blue Nursing gown with robe
Light Pink Nursing gown with robe
Nursing Bras
Notepad
Toiletries Bag
All of our toiletries that we use in travel size. Packed new toothbrushes and contact solution in case we don't have time to pack. Also packed flushable wipes because the hospital toilet paper is like sandpaper--but I heard I will be using a spray bottle so who knows??!!
I also have a quick list of things to grab at the last minute...including what Shaun will need to pack for the hospital and a tech bag with video camera, digital camera, laptop, chargers, etc.
I'm obviously just guessing when it comes to what to pack...what am I missing experts??!!
37 weeks today! What a blessing! I can't believe we are full-term today! There were days on bedrest that I really doubted we would ever get to this day. More new posts below...
P.S. Bags are packed :) From Left to Right: Postpartum Bag, Toiletries Bag, Diaper Bag, and Labor Bag
It is hard to even put into words how much my baby shower meant to me on Sunday. I woke up on Sunday morning very excited about the shower, but I had to almost keep telling myself that it was happening because I could hardly believe it. I took a lot of time getting ready so I wouldn't feel rushed and tried to make myself look as cute as possible in this not-so-cute stage of pregnancy. I even wore maternity spanx! I don't think they helped but oh well I tried :). Shaun helped me pick out which heels to wear, and I was off to my baby shower. I could already feel the emotions starting to come up when I was driving over to the shower, but when I pulled up to the shower...I lost it. The shower was at my good friend Bridget's house. Bridget has walked this journey with me every step of the way. She unfortunately knows all too well the pain of loss and trying to conceive, and we are still waiting for the miracle that God has for them. As I drove up, I couldn't help but think about the many conversations that we shared at her house...she comforted me after my loss, I "coached" her with her first shot, discussions about treatments, and times when there wasn't much either one of us could say. But now I was driving up for my baby shower, and I couldn't help but feel so many conflicting emotions at the same time. Her mailbox was tied with baby blue balloons...a stork next to her door, but it was for me. It was difficult and humbling to see. I had these huge tears in my eyes, and I quickly found a napkin in my glove compartment to hold up to try to absorb the tears. I somehow pulled myself together, and I had an even harder time as I walked in to the cutest baby shower I've ever seen. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful friends who have supported me and loved me through some of the hardest and best times of my life. Several of my friends from my support group came to my shower, and it really meant so much to me to have them there. It is amazing the close bond that we all have when we only see each other once a month. Once everyone started to arrive, I was too busy to get too emotional, and I had such a fun time seeing everyone and of course opening all of the precious gifts for Baby Henry :). I couldn't have asked for a more perfect shower. And here are some pics to prove it!
Adorable wreath and mantle...taking it with me to hossy for my postpartum door :)
I had my weekly dr appt on Monday morning, and there isn't much to report from the appointment! I'm STILL 1 cm dilated (same as 28 weeks), and I'm kinda getting ready to start seeing a little progress. I think it is so cute of my uterus to now decide that she is no longer "irritable." This is when I'm suppposed to be feeling more Braxton Hicks contractions not at 27-28 weeks. I definitely felt more contractions then than I do now. I am so grateful though that Henry is safe and cooking! I said from the beginning of the pre-term scare that I would keep my eyes on our due date, and I continue to see that as our goal. Awwwh he might even have chunky cheeks :). They did hook me up to the belts for some time to check on him because I've noticed a decrease in movement, but he was doing just fine. Next dr appt is on Monday with a bio-physical ultrasound to check on him.
I know I keep saying this, but time is flying! I thought this was the part of the pregnancy that things were supposed to drag! I will be 36 weeks on Wednesday, and we only have 30 days until our due date. 30 days or less until I get to hold my boy! (disclaimer: may actually be more than 30 days!). Shaun and I are getting very excited, and we are continuing to nest like crazy. If Henry really doesn't come until his due date or after no telling what this place is going to look like. Shaun even got new lighting fixtures for our bathroom last night at Lo.we's. I'm still very much enjoying my time with Henry in my belly, and I'm surprised by how comfortable I am these days. I'm definitely getting to the point where it is hard to stay on my feet for very long, but as long as I take breaks and stay off my feet, then I am good to go! This Sunday is my baby shower. I can't tell you how weird it feels to write that sentence. My baby shower...wow. I'm going to be an emotional disaster. I'm either going to walk around with a lump in my throat the entire time and make it through or one present or comment is going to trigger it...and I'm going to be crying uncontrollably. I'm trying to decide if I should go buy a new dress for the shower. It seems a little silly to buy a maternity dress at this point, but none of my dresses fit anymore. You know your belly is getting big when your maternity clothes don't fit!! I don't like either of the mother.hood stores in this area so that leaves me with a fancy maternity boutique type place, which probably also means...cha ching! I will probably go look tomorrow. In other shopping news...Shaun and I bought a new video camera! We actually found the camera at "Worst" Buy, but we bought the display model for several hundred dollars off. Shaun and I agreed that we wanted to get an HD camera...Henry in HD is a must! so I'm glad we were able to find one in our budget. It is also a Sony, which I'm very happy about because I've always liked Sony cameras. I LOVED the quality/performance of the Sony XD.Cam that we had at my old job even though I didn't get to play with it very much since we got it a few months before I left :(. But I did get to edit some of the footage and that was a lot of fun. So now that we have a video camera of course we are getting it out and playing with it! And we both couldn't get over how fat we looked! I'm sure the camera adds ten pounds..right??!! Shaun has now decided to put down the milkshakes and to try to lose some weight before Henry gets here. I on the other hand have accepted that this is just part of it, and I will continue to drink my chicky.fil.a milkshakes! Have y'all had one of those?? They are the best! I haven't tried the peach one yet, but I'm sure it is good too. If you haven't tried one...start with the cookiesncream...it is our fav. On the subject of weight it is probably a good time to now talk about my dr appt today...
I love my nurse. She seriously is the best. She cracked me up today..."Wow..You are still pregnant! I was telling Dr. C today...man doesn't it feel like Courtney has been pregnant forever??!!." I know they are tired of seeing me in their office! My first appt was super early into my pregnancy, and I hardly ever made it from a regular appt to another regular appt without having to go in for some "scare." Then she takes my weight and says "oh just two pounds" in the sweetest voice. She made it sound so pleasant that I didn't even realize that was two pounds in ONE week (thanks Mom for pointing that out ;). My Group B Strep was positive so they will have to start antibiotics in an IV when I get to the hospital...haven't googled this yet but it seems common and no cause for an alarm. And there were NO changes to my cervix...just a fingertip dilated still with about 60% effacement (actually I can't remember if it was 40 or 60 so I'm going with 60 for now :). I'm glad that this means that Henry is most likely not coming anytime soon and that we will have a fully cooked little guy...what a blessing!! But now I start to worry that after all of that pre-term labor, medicine, bedrest that I'm going to stay fingertip forever. Doctor seems confident that I will probably make progress soon and reminded me that it will be good for him to stay in until 39 since he is a boy. I also finally had the natural chat with my doctor. He was very sweet about it, and said that he would not pressure me to do anything and that it was completely up to me. The only concern that he had is that he didn't want me to feel like a failure if I ended up with a c-section or an epi. I explained to him that we realize that a lot is out of our control but that we would like to try. He told me to explain to the L&D nurses our plans and that they would completely respect my wishes. We laughed a lot, and I told him that if I started cursing that I would get an epi (he is an elder in our church). So YAY for getting that little chat over with! I definitely felt like I needed to be honest with him, but I felt a little silly knowing that is NOT something he hears very often these days. I think the most common question he probably gets at this stage is "when can we get this baby out?" and "how soon after I get to the hospital can I get my epi?" Another appt next Monday...
Oh and I forgot to mention that bags are packed and ready to go! And that Shaun installed the carseat this weekend. We love seeing it in our backseat...so fun! Here are some pics...
Shaun after the "easy" installation.
Catching Shaun in the middle of a little happy dance. This picture doesn't really capture how cute it was, but it makes me laugh so here it is...
"Yay I finally have a carseat in my car!"
"Uh oh...this is already heavy without a baby!"
Ready to go! Carseat with sunshade and mirror so we can watch Baby Henry in our rear view mirror.
So here I am again only 20 minutes away from 35 weeks, and I'm just now sitting down to do my 34 week post. Time is flying!! We are in major preparation mode at our house right now, and Shaun and I are both nesting. Sometimes I think Shaun has more pregnancy symptoms than I do! He has been complaining of reflux right along with me (very strange because he never has any problems with that), and I even think he is starting to crave milkshakes. He spent hours cleaning and organizing our garage on Saturday morning while I stayed on the couch wondering when the nesting would hit me. Last night, I finally had a burst of energy and scrubbed our toilet for a ridiculous amount of time. My friend was sitting on our bed talking to me while I was working on it, and she stopped her story at one point and was like, "Courtney! how dirty was your toilet??!!" Well it definitely needed a good clean, but I guess I might have gotten a little carried away.
Doctor Appt Update: So I'm still a fingertip dilated, which at this point is a good thing. Of course, leave it to me to now worry that I'm never going to make any more progress and that I'm going to stay fingertip forever. When my nurse got me into my room, she was like "oh yeah and we need to get you a date!" I had NO clue what she was talking about, but I said..."oh yeah....a date!." And matched her enthusiasm! I figured it out later when my dr said that we could induce on August 5th if we wanted to deliver that day. Um....that is in less than a month??!! Of course at first I got excited, but induction is NOT what I want so I had to have a little pep talk/conversation with myself. Shaun and I are hoping and planning for a vaginal delivery without induction and no pain meds. I understand that this is just a plan and that it could end up being thrown completely out the window, but it is our goal. It would be really nice to know the date, and I would certainly love to know that I would be holding my sweet boy this time next month, but I can't let myself be tempted. What happened to the good ole days when your doctor would make you go forever after your due date before he would even talk about inducing?! And why does it feel like an epidural is required for delivery? I feel like I'm a rebel or something because I want to go natural. Now I know a lot of you are thinking..."Courtney...why in the world would you want to go natural?" Well to be honest, I want to feel childbirth. I want to experience it physically. I'm actually excited about it. And there is also this tiny part of me that wants to see how close my endometriosis menstrual cramps (where I passed out from the pain or couldn't walk or moaned in pain) were to childbirth pain--but believe me that is not the main reason why I'm going natural :). I've told only a few people about our plans for natural because usually most people freak out when you tell them you are considering it. I haven't even told my doctor because I don't want to see the look he gets on his face or to hear how he thinks it is best to go with the epi. I guess I have to bring this up at some point??!! Or maybe he can just figure it out when he walks in the delivery room, and I don't have a big smile on my face :). Thoughts?? I have decided to make sure to inform my labor and delivery nurse that we don't want pain meds and that I don't want to be offered pain meds. I think that would make it so hard if they kept asking..."are you sure you don't want an epi? or a little something to take the edge off??." I also ran into a friend at a baby store the other day who delivered at the same hospital that we are going to, and she said that the nurse didn't even really ask her if she wanted the drugs. She just said "here you will want this" and forced some loopy medicine into her IV. She said it never wore off and that it just made her feel out of it. I don't want to be "out of it" for one of the most exciting moments of my life. This gave me a little idea of what to expect with the staff so I know I'm going to have to be pretty firm in the beginning. Heck maybe I should even come in with a birth plan so they will really like me then :).
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