37 (almost 38!) Dr Appt Update

Today we started out with a biophysical and weight estimate ultrasound to check on Baby Henry since he has been a little quiet these past few weeks. The good news is that he is practicing his breathing like he is supposed to, which is a great sign that he is still doing very well in my belly. He is also estimated to be a big boy for 37 weeks at 7 lbs 7 ounces. Now I know that ultrasound measurements are consistently wrong so he could be smaller, but it is good to hear that he seems to be a nice healthy size. The ultrasound tech also pointed out that he has huge hands! They were so cute and chunky :)...can't wait to kiss them! I was feeling pretty encouraged and excited after the ultrasound because he looked so great. Unfortunately, I didn't get the best news during the cervix checking portion of my doctor appointment :(. Still no progress...Henry hasn't dropped, no changes in dilation or effacement. Apparently most first babies drop weeks before their due date and if this doesn't occur...my doctor starts to wonder if there isn't a reason for why he hasn't dropped (ex: too big for pelvic bone structure). We talked again about a possible induction date of August 5th (holy cow that is in a week), but I explained to my doctor that I'm not interested in inducing until/unless absolutely necessary. All of the c-section and induction talk left me feeling very discouraged and confused, but I'm feeling better after talking it over with some family and friends. We have waited a long time for this sweet baby boy, and if there is one thing that infertility has taught me it is patience during a unknown waiting period :). As much as I'm looking forward to the sweet day that we get to hold our little boy, I can wait until he is ready. All we can do now is pray that things will progress and most importantly pray for a healthy and safe delivery. In the meantime...I'm going to choose to treasure this precious time that I have left with Henry in my belly. He is growing up too fast already :).

Now for my curious readers...what is in those bags?? I tried my best not to over pack, but I can't help myself at the same time :).

The Labor Bag-

Freezer ziplock of snacks for Shaun- granolas, fruit snacks, trail mix--have to keep that labor coach energized!

Blood pressure cuff and belts- the l&d nurses asked for me to bring these back...I guess it saves the hospital money or me?

"The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin- absolutely the BEST I've seen in information regarding natural childbirth...has a lot of easy to find/quick guides for situations that might come up

Labor Positions chart

Massage tools and lotions--also included a sock with two tennis balls in case of back labor

Chapstick

Focal point--Henry's 4d pics

Eyeglasses--didn't know if they would make me take my contacts out if I had a c-section

Also plan on packing my ipod with some tunes

Slippers and socks

Thin robe

Hair Bands

Diaper Bag

Going home outfit--blue with white polka dot kissy kissy gown with hat to match and white booties :)

2 gowns

1-2 side snap white shirts

2 pairs of socks

1 receiving blanket

2 burp cloths

Nursing Pads


Postpartum Bag-a.k.a Post-party Bag- Shaun has only heard the term postpartum in the context of postpartum depression so he said we should call it the post-party bag instead :)

No-so-cute Panties

Blue Nursing gown with robe

Light Pink Nursing gown with robe

Nursing Bras

Notepad


Toiletries Bag

All of our toiletries that we use in travel size. Packed new toothbrushes and contact solution in case we don't have time to pack. Also packed flushable wipes because the hospital toilet paper is like sandpaper--but I heard I will be using a spray bottle so who knows??!!


I also have a quick list of things to grab at the last minute...including what Shaun will need to pack for the hospital and a tech bag with video camera, digital camera, laptop, chargers, etc.

I'm obviously just guessing when it comes to what to pack...what am I missing experts??!!

Term!! We made it!!

37 weeks today! What a blessing! I can't believe we are full-term today! There were days on bedrest that I really doubted we would ever get to this day. More new posts below...

P.S. Bags are packed :) From Left to Right: Postpartum Bag, Toiletries Bag, Diaper Bag, and Labor Bag

The Baby Shower

It is hard to even put into words how much my baby shower meant to me on Sunday. I woke up on Sunday morning very excited about the shower, but I had to almost keep telling myself that it was happening because I could hardly believe it. I took a lot of time getting ready so I wouldn't feel rushed and tried to make myself look as cute as possible in this not-so-cute stage of pregnancy. I even wore maternity spanx! I don't think they helped but oh well I tried :). Shaun helped me pick out which heels to wear, and I was off to my baby shower. I could already feel the emotions starting to come up when I was driving over to the shower, but when I pulled up to the shower...I lost it. The shower was at my good friend Bridget's house. Bridget has walked this journey with me every step of the way. She unfortunately knows all too well the pain of loss and trying to conceive, and we are still waiting for the miracle that God has for them. As I drove up, I couldn't help but think about the many conversations that we shared at her house...she comforted me after my loss, I "coached" her with her first shot, discussions about treatments, and times when there wasn't much either one of us could say. But now I was driving up for my baby shower, and I couldn't help but feel so many conflicting emotions at the same time. Her mailbox was tied with baby blue balloons...a stork next to her door, but it was for me. It was difficult and humbling to see. I had these huge tears in my eyes, and I quickly found a napkin in my glove compartment to hold up to try to absorb the tears. I somehow pulled myself together, and I had an even harder time as I walked in to the cutest baby shower I've ever seen. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful friends who have supported me and loved me through some of the hardest and best times of my life. Several of my friends from my support group came to my shower, and it really meant so much to me to have them there. It is amazing the close bond that we all have when we only see each other once a month. Once everyone started to arrive, I was too busy to get too emotional, and I had such a fun time seeing everyone and of course opening all of the precious gifts for Baby Henry :). I couldn't have asked for a more perfect shower. And here are some pics to prove it!

Adorable wreath and mantle...taking it with me to hossy for my postpartum door :)


Close-up


Antique Baby Carriage for gifts


HUGE Belly!




Adorable cupcakes..H for Henry!






My beautiful hostesses

36 Week Dr Appt Update

I had my weekly dr appt on Monday morning, and there isn't much to report from the appointment! I'm STILL 1 cm dilated (same as 28 weeks), and I'm kinda getting ready to start seeing a little progress. I think it is so cute of my uterus to now decide that she is no longer "irritable." This is when I'm suppposed to be feeling more Braxton Hicks contractions not at 27-28 weeks. I definitely felt more contractions then than I do now. I am so grateful though that Henry is safe and cooking! I said from the beginning of the pre-term scare that I would keep my eyes on our due date, and I continue to see that as our goal. Awwwh he might even have chunky cheeks :). They did hook me up to the belts for some time to check on him because I've noticed a decrease in movement, but he was doing just fine. Next dr appt is on Monday with a bio-physical ultrasound to check on him.

35 Weeks and Dr Appt Update

I know I keep saying this, but time is flying! I thought this was the part of the pregnancy that things were supposed to drag! I will be 36 weeks on Wednesday, and we only have 30 days until our due date. 30 days or less until I get to hold my boy! (disclaimer: may actually be more than 30 days!). Shaun and I are getting very excited, and we are continuing to nest like crazy. If Henry really doesn't come until his due date or after no telling what this place is going to look like. Shaun even got new lighting fixtures for our bathroom last night at Lo.we's. I'm still very much enjoying my time with Henry in my belly, and I'm surprised by how comfortable I am these days. I'm definitely getting to the point where it is hard to stay on my feet for very long, but as long as I take breaks and stay off my feet, then I am good to go! This Sunday is my baby shower. I can't tell you how weird it feels to write that sentence. My baby shower...wow. I'm going to be an emotional disaster. I'm either going to walk around with a lump in my throat the entire time and make it through or one present or comment is going to trigger it...and I'm going to be crying uncontrollably. I'm trying to decide if I should go buy a new dress for the shower. It seems a little silly to buy a maternity dress at this point, but none of my dresses fit anymore. You know your belly is getting big when your maternity clothes don't fit!! I don't like either of the mother.hood stores in this area so that leaves me with a fancy maternity boutique type place, which probably also means...cha ching! I will probably go look tomorrow. In other shopping news...Shaun and I bought a new video camera! We actually found the camera at "Worst" Buy, but we bought the display model for several hundred dollars off. Shaun and I agreed that we wanted to get an HD camera...Henry in HD is a must! so I'm glad we were able to find one in our budget. It is also a Sony, which I'm very happy about because I've always liked Sony cameras. I LOVED the quality/performance of the Sony XD.Cam that we had at my old job even though I didn't get to play with it very much since we got it a few months before I left :(. But I did get to edit some of the footage and that was a lot of fun. So now that we have a video camera of course we are getting it out and playing with it! And we both couldn't get over how fat we looked! I'm sure the camera adds ten pounds..right??!! Shaun has now decided to put down the milkshakes and to try to lose some weight before Henry gets here. I on the other hand have accepted that this is just part of it, and I will continue to drink my chicky.fil.a milkshakes! Have y'all had one of those?? They are the best! I haven't tried the peach one yet, but I'm sure it is good too. If you haven't tried one...start with the cookiesncream...it is our fav. On the subject of weight it is probably a good time to now talk about my dr appt today...

I love my nurse. She seriously is the best. She cracked me up today..."Wow..You are still pregnant! I was telling Dr. C today...man doesn't it feel like Courtney has been pregnant forever??!!." I know they are tired of seeing me in their office! My first appt was super early into my pregnancy, and I hardly ever made it from a regular appt to another regular appt without having to go in for some "scare." Then she takes my weight and says "oh just two pounds" in the sweetest voice. She made it sound so pleasant that I didn't even realize that was two pounds in ONE week (thanks Mom for pointing that out ;). My Group B Strep was positive so they will have to start antibiotics in an IV when I get to the hospital...haven't googled this yet but it seems common and no cause for an alarm. And there were NO changes to my cervix...just a fingertip dilated still with about 60% effacement (actually I can't remember if it was 40 or 60 so I'm going with 60 for now :). I'm glad that this means that Henry is most likely not coming anytime soon and that we will have a fully cooked little guy...what a blessing!! But now I start to worry that after all of that pre-term labor, medicine, bedrest that I'm going to stay fingertip forever. Doctor seems confident that I will probably make progress soon and reminded me that it will be good for him to stay in until 39 since he is a boy. I also finally had the natural chat with my doctor. He was very sweet about it, and said that he would not pressure me to do anything and that it was completely up to me. The only concern that he had is that he didn't want me to feel like a failure if I ended up with a c-section or an epi. I explained to him that we realize that a lot is out of our control but that we would like to try. He told me to explain to the L&D nurses our plans and that they would completely respect my wishes. We laughed a lot, and I told him that if I started cursing that I would get an epi (he is an elder in our church). So YAY for getting that little chat over with! I definitely felt like I needed to be honest with him, but I felt a little silly knowing that is NOT something he hears very often these days. I think the most common question he probably gets at this stage is "when can we get this baby out?" and "how soon after I get to the hospital can I get my epi?" Another appt next Monday...

Oh and I forgot to mention that bags are packed and ready to go! And that Shaun installed the carseat this weekend. We love seeing it in our backseat...so fun! Here are some pics...

Shaun after the "easy" installation.


Catching Shaun in the middle of a little happy dance. This picture doesn't really capture how cute it was, but it makes me laugh so here it is...


"Yay I finally have a carseat in my car!"


"Uh oh...this is already heavy without a baby!"


Ready to go! Carseat with sunshade and mirror so we can watch Baby Henry in our rear view mirror.

34 Weeks, Dr Appt Update

So here I am again only 20 minutes away from 35 weeks, and I'm just now sitting down to do my 34 week post. Time is flying!! We are in major preparation mode at our house right now, and Shaun and I are both nesting. Sometimes I think Shaun has more pregnancy symptoms than I do! He has been complaining of reflux right along with me (very strange because he never has any problems with that), and I even think he is starting to crave milkshakes. He spent hours cleaning and organizing our garage on Saturday morning while I stayed on the couch wondering when the nesting would hit me. Last night, I finally had a burst of energy and scrubbed our toilet for a ridiculous amount of time. My friend was sitting on our bed talking to me while I was working on it, and she stopped her story at one point and was like, "Courtney! how dirty was your toilet??!!" Well it definitely needed a good clean, but I guess I might have gotten a little carried away.

Doctor Appt Update: So I'm still a fingertip dilated, which at this point is a good thing. Of course, leave it to me to now worry that I'm never going to make any more progress and that I'm going to stay fingertip forever. When my nurse got me into my room, she was like "oh yeah and we need to get you a date!" I had NO clue what she was talking about, but I said..."oh yeah....a date!." And matched her enthusiasm! I figured it out later when my dr said that we could induce on August 5th if we wanted to deliver that day. Um....that is in less than a month??!! Of course at first I got excited, but induction is NOT what I want so I had to have a little pep talk/conversation with myself. Shaun and I are hoping and planning for a vaginal delivery without induction and no pain meds. I understand that this is just a plan and that it could end up being thrown completely out the window, but it is our goal. It would be really nice to know the date, and I would certainly love to know that I would be holding my sweet boy this time next month, but I can't let myself be tempted. What happened to the good ole days when your doctor would make you go forever after your due date before he would even talk about inducing?! And why does it feel like an epidural is required for delivery? I feel like I'm a rebel or something because I want to go natural. Now I know a lot of you are thinking..."Courtney...why in the world would you want to go natural?" Well to be honest, I want to feel childbirth. I want to experience it physically. I'm actually excited about it. And there is also this tiny part of me that wants to see how close my endometriosis menstrual cramps (where I passed out from the pain or couldn't walk or moaned in pain) were to childbirth pain--but believe me that is not the main reason why I'm going natural :). I've told only a few people about our plans for natural because usually most people freak out when you tell them you are considering it. I haven't even told my doctor because I don't want to see the look he gets on his face or to hear how he thinks it is best to go with the epi. I guess I have to bring this up at some point??!! Or maybe he can just figure it out when he walks in the delivery room, and I don't have a big smile on my face :). Thoughts?? I have decided to make sure to inform my labor and delivery nurse that we don't want pain meds and that I don't want to be offered pain meds. I think that would make it so hard if they kept asking..."are you sure you don't want an epi? or a little something to take the edge off??." I also ran into a friend at a baby store the other day who delivered at the same hospital that we are going to, and she said that the nurse didn't even really ask her if she wanted the drugs. She just said "here you will want this" and forced some loopy medicine into her IV. She said it never wore off and that it just made her feel out of it. I don't want to be "out of it" for one of the most exciting moments of my life. This gave me a little idea of what to expect with the staff so I know I'm going to have to be pretty firm in the beginning. Heck maybe I should even come in with a birth plan so they will really like me then :).

YAY for 35 weeks! It is time for bed!

33 Weeks

I still can't get over how fast the weeks are flying by now. I realized today that I better hurry up and post a blog because 33 weeks is almost over! I have to say that this makes me super, super excited and a little sentimental/sad at the same time. This pregnancy definitely had some ups and downs, but overall I have thoroughly enjoyed carrying my little guy. I love feeling him move all around and how strong he is these days. My favorite movement to feel is when he moves either his knees or his elbows (not sure which one!) across my belly. Shaun still enjoys watching my belly move all around or feeling him move, but he is definitely ready for Henry to be here. I can just see the excitement grow for him as we get closer and closer. Yesterday morning, we were laying in bed talking/reminiscing about the pregnancy. Shaun brought up about how we found out on Thanksgiving day, and it got me thinking. When we were trying to conceive or probably even before when I would think about someday getting pregnant (you know how us girls like to daydream), I would dream about finding out that we were pregnant on a holiday and telling family and friends on a holiday. I also figured out during this dreaming that November was the BEST month to get pregnant because you could wear all of the cute maternity clothes (no need to bundle up that huge belly). Those of you who have been readers for a long time know that all of these little dreams came true. We got pregnant in November, found out on Thanksgiving morning, shared with some family on Thanksgiving and surprised the rest with a little ultrasound video at Christmas...not to mention that I have gotten to wear all of the cute summer maternity dresses :). How amazing is it that God listens to even those little desires deep in your heart that you don't even share with anyone? He had it planned all along! His perfect timing.

I didn't get a 33 week picture on Wednesday of me holding up the fingers...but my friend did take a photo of me in a pool. Yes! I finally got to float, and it was even better than my expectations. One thing that surprised me was when I was getting out of the pool...all of a sudden all of the weight that I'm carrying hit me as I stepped out. I had no idea I was carrying so much until I got a little break from it :). No wonder I move so slowly these days!

Being back in public after five weeks of isolation has been very interesting! I forgot how much people love to stare at pregnant women. Also everyone wants to stop and talk to you...when are you due? boy or girl? My favorite story from this week is when I went to go get the oil changed in my car. I walked over to find a magazine and sit down to wait, and I heard these two ladies laughing really loud. I finally looked up and realized they were laughing AT me!! One of the women said, "Honey...you look as cute as a button...but it is just too hot to be THAT pregnant." Now it is probably the hottest and driest summer on the record books for Mississippi so that might be slightly true, but I must be way bigger than I think I am if people are actually laughing out loud at the sight of me. I think I am in a little bit of a denial about how big my belly actually is these days. Shaun says I am so I will take his word for it :). He likes to tell me how "huge" I am, and it makes me laugh because not very many husbands could get away with comments like that, but I let it slide because I know what he means. He is constantly telling me that I look "hot" or "so cute," which is really sweet because he sees me naked :). And it looks like I have gotten attacked by a cat on my butt, thighs, and the top of my hips. Glad I didn't put stretch mark cream on this entire pregnancy only to be applying it in the wrong place...my belly doesn't have a single mark!!

Well sorry for such a long, random post but I had a lot to share!

Big News!

I had my dr appt today, and my ob took me off bedrest!! So as of today I am a free woman! I will of course continue to take it easy, stay hydrated, and take meds, but I'm very happy to be able to do some things! I can't believe how fast the past five weeks have gone by! It wasn't easy, but it really wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. I'm actually grateful for the time that I had to rest up and to process all that is happening right now. Henry passed the biophysical ultrasound with flying colors, and he is measuring a little ahead at 4 lbs 12 ounces. He should gain approx. a half a pound a week from now until he is born. I just can't get over that I'm going to get to meet him soon. Shaun and I both are having little thoughts/dreams pop in our head that get us so excited. Like last night in the kitchen, Shaun said "ooh! I just thought about Christmas! Think about how much fun Christmas will be with Henry." It is all starting to feel real as we get the house ready to bring him home, but I don't think it will really feel completely real until we hold him in our arms. Thank you for all of the prayers and encouragement during bedrest...I can't tell you how much it meant to me! P.S. Expect a 33 week picture not from the couch this week!

32 Weeks....YAY!

Yesterday was our big Wednesday celebration day! I can't believe we are 32 weeks! 32 weeks means that we've met our doctor's immediate goal and that we have completed an entire month of bedrest. A month went by super fast so I know the last two weeks are going to fly! Shaun brought home bbq sandwiches, potato salad and baked beans from my favorite BBQ restaurant in town (yum yum!), and we watched another chick flick this week (He's Just Not that Into You). I love our Wednesday nights :). I realized at the end of the night that we didn't take a 32 week pic, and I can't stand breaking tradition so we decided to take a pic of just our hands since we both were not picture ready (if you know what I mean-wink wink). By the way...I just realized that I held up 32 weeks last week...what was I thinking??!! And none of y'all called me out on that! Wednesdays are also the days that I take a shower and let myself take a little more time (sitting down of course) to fix my hair and makeup. Shaun came home from work and said, "Wow what did you do?...you look hot." I'm sure it was a nice change to see me in regular clothes with clean hair and makeup. Right before Shaun got home from work, I decided to stand up and experiment with taking a few maternity pictures of myself. I know this sounds silly, but I was so scared that I was going to go into labor and not have any decent pictures of my last few weeks of pregnancy. Here is a sample of some of the photos & our fingers holding up 32!

Pretty funny pic and we kinda got our fingers in the wrong order...but hey we tried and we didn't break tradition!



Shaun purchased this entire outfit for me by himself last weekend at Target...he has such great taste!



This is what happens when you attempt to take pictures of yourself...no face :)

Daddy Instinct

Last night was probably one of the funniest (and sweetest) things I've witnessed in a long time. Shaun was very tired from a long week of work so he feel asleep on the couch and told me to wake him after I was done getting ready for bed. I really wasn't that tired so after turning out all of the lights, I decided to lay down on our love seat to do a little internet surfing and blog reading. Jen from Maybe If You Just Relax posted a blog about the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. I just finished reading the book as part of my quest to learn everything I can about babies on bedrest so I decided to take a look at what Jen had to say about the book. At the end of her fabulous summary of Dr. Karp's 5 Ss, she had two related youtube videos to watch. I watched the first video which was about ten minutes on a very low volume, and Shaun didn't move a bit...he was definitely in a deep sleep. When I clicked on the second video, a newborn was crying, but I didn't think it would bother Shaun since it was at such a low volume. About two seconds into the crying, Shaun all of a sudden throws off his covers...pops off the couch and starts sprinting to the bedroom door. "Courtney, Courtney are you okay?? I thought I heard a baby crying??!!" When I first saw him throw off the covers I thought I woke him and that he wasn't happy about it, but there he was obviously distraught at our bedroom door with his hair sticking up everywhere and a big line down his face from the blanket he was using. I have never seen anyone move that fast from a deep sleep. It was like he turned into Jackie Chan. At this point I was confused..."Shaun, are you okay?" Once he realized that I was laying on the loveseat, he got this priceless look of relief on his face. "I thought you were hurt...I really thought I heard a baby crying." We both started laughing as we realized what happened. "Well it definitely seems like your daddy instinct is ready!"

It really meant a lot to me to see Shaun react like that to a little newborn cry. It made me realize that I'm not the only one who is going through a lot of changes and feeling some anxiety. And he must really love us to sprint into action that fast from a deep sleep! He is going to be the best daddy!

31 Weeks and Dr Appt Update

I am a very happy bedrest camper right now! I had a great doctor's appointment this afternoon, and I'm starting to feel like a full term delivery is a likely possibility for us! I was so nervous about this appointment. Henry was hardly moving at all this morning, and I was having some unpleasant symptoms that can be a sign of labor. I was thinking the absolute worst! Dr checked me, and my cervix is still holding steady at a fingertip dilated (YAY!!). I expressed my concerns about Henry's lack of movement so he sent me for a biophysical ultrasound. We had to wait for him to practice breathing...it took some time, but he finally practiced. I enjoyed watching my little guy on the screen for an extended period of time. He was taking a nice nap but thankfully he moved around a little for me. Henry is getting so big! It doesn't seem that long ago that he was just the size of a pea on our first ultrasound. My next appointment is Tuesday, June 23rd, and we will do another biophysical ultrasound to check in on our little guy.

In other news....I'm 31 weeks!! Last night was our big Wednesday celebration. Shaun brought home subs for dinner, and we watched Marley & Me. ****Spoiler Alert****- the miscarriage scene where they found out at the ultrasound that the baby's heartbeat had stopped beating (very similar to how we found out with baby faith) just about put me into uncontrollable sobbing. But overall it was a great movie, and it was a fun night together! And even though I look rough on bedrest...I still feel the need to document every week's celebration.

Doctor Appointment Update

My doctor appointment went very well yesterday morning. I had a list of questions ready, and now I have a better understanding of what to somewhat expect for the next few weeks. Our immediate goal is 32 weeks, and my ob will take me off my meds and bedrest at 34 weeks. I definitely plan on making it to 34 weeks so I have approx a month left of bedrest (July 1st to be exact!). I asked why in the world my uterus is acting like this (like I should expect after all of this for my uterus to behave lol), and my ob explained that I have a few risk factors but for the most part some women just have an irritable uterus. Next d/a is Thursday morning.

Yesterday afternoon (after a little meltdown on Thursday evening) I was so positive and happy. I got back from my d/a, and I felt great about four more weeks of bedrest..."oh I so can do that...no problem!" I played Wheel of Fortune on our PS3 for part of the afternoon (I've discovered that this is another way to entertain myself), and then my friend came by with her cute little guy for a quick visit. It is so fun to watch him because Henry will be around his same age this time next year...pretty exciting to think about! Anyways all this to say that I was having a very good bedrest day. Today.....um not so much. I hate to even complain because I know that this time last year if I read what I was writing one year later I would want to reach into the future and slap myself. But I'm turning into a crazy lady!! I'm so emotional...so on edge...so frustrated with my husband (he gets to go play tennis while I stay at home by myself on a Saturday)...my uterus is irritable...I'm irritable. I of course don't want to get off bedrest because I want Henry to stay in here until he can enter the world safe and healthy, but it doesn't make this any easier. Okay I'm done venting, and I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day! Wow I feel so much better after writing that...whew!

On a happier note...Henry's movements are so strong. I love watching my belly move all day. I can definitely tell he is getting big, which of course warms my heart. I can't wait to hold him in my arms and put his sweet cheeks next to mine and squeeze him so close.

The Big 30!

Last night we celebrated 30 weeks! Doesn't 30 weeks sound so much better than 29 weeks? I really wasn't feeling that great last night so I took a long nap in Shaun's lap, and he said I was sleeping very hard (I'm guessing that was a nice way of saying that I was snoring). I don't know how it is possible for me to be tired after laying around all day long! After I woke up, I decided that even though I looked awful that I still wanted to continue our new tradition of taking a picture of our weekly celebration.



And here is my "lovely" 30 weeks belly shot...I'm hoping to get a better one tomorrow at my dr appt...



Speaking of my doctor appointment...I'm really looking forward to getting out of the house and having a sit down with Shaun and my doctor. I feel like I have so many questions, but I don't really know what to ask??!! I'm going to write a couple questions down this evening so that I don't completely blank when I get in there. I will definitely update tomorrow after my appointment!

Top 10 Things I Love about Bedrest

10. Laying around all day with a sink full of dirty dishes and no guilt
9. Not waking up until around noon everyday
8. Watching Judge shows and laughing at what people actually say (Judge Toler is my fav so far--she is tough but sweet). side note--I don't have cable, and I'm NOT going to watch soaps.
7. Getting lots of phone calls from friends because they know I'm free to talk
6. Reading about what to do once this little guy actually gets here
5. Staying in my pjs or lounge pants all day
4. Watching birds or Larry the lizard--yes I named him...outside my window
3. Shaun looking at me like any sudden move and I might pop--he actually told me that I need to pretend that my belly is a balloon
2. "It's going to be a hot summer!"--Not for me! It is 72 degrees with a slight breeze. I'm so scared to see our power bill this month--I'm in Mississippi...it is going to be a big one!
1. Feeling Henry's every move because I'm laying still all day--loving it! He is getting so strong--it is like an earthquake in my belly.

Back from dr...

I decided to call my nurse this morning because I'm still having contractions while taking procardia. She thought it would be best for me just to go ahead and come in to be monitored. I'm glad she did because it really gave me peace of mind. I was definitely having what they like to call "irritability" (a wavy line the entire time)and a few larger contractions. My nurse was saying that I definitely had something going on there, but then my doctor came in and said that he "wasn't that impressed" with my contractions. He checked my cervix (I was terrified that he was going to see more progress and send me to the hossy), and there was no change!! We also did a transvaginal ultrasound to check the cervix length, and it was 3.1 cm, which is a slight improvement from two weeks ago. So what does this tell us? We are on the right track with the procardia and bedrest. I really do think that the bedrest is helping! And my dr must agree because I got the impression from him today that I'm on bedrest for good. Considering Wednesday makes me 30 weeks...I'm guessing that I have about six more weeks. So how do I feel about this? Well this morning I started writing this really sad pity party post about all of the things I'm not going to get to do because I'm on bedrest. I'm glad that I didn't post it because it was pretty pitiful, but I will mention a few things. We should be on our way right now to our first childbirth class. I was so excited about our childbirth class that I registered for it in early March. I was just looking forward to being a normal little happy expectant couple going to childbirth class. I had it all planned out that Monday nights were going to be our date nights and that we were going to go out to dinner after class. Oh the best laid plans! I also had two showers planned for this month...One here in town and one in our hometown in Alabama. Then a quick trip after the AL shower to the beach with Shaun to meet up with my close college friends (I had a really cute bathing suit by the way). Add to that list a maternity photo shoot, prenatal massage and pedicure gift certificate that I can't use, soaking in pools, shopping for Henry, a breasfeeding class, and a much needed haircut. So yes I'm a little sad. I'm sad that I can't just be normal for once. I try not to think about what this could potentially mean for future pregnancies and fertility treatments but I do. This could be it for me. We won't be able to risk multiples like we did to get pregnant with Henry. With all of that said...I am so blessed, and I have absolutely no reason to complain. Who cares if I can't get a massage or go on a beach trip?? Who cares! I have the sweetest most precious gift inside me right now, and I will do anything for him.

"Velcome to Baby Land"

This week I watched Father of the Bride Part II and laughed my head off. Franck cracks me up! Last time I watched F of B Part II, I cried my eyes out. It was on television, and it was probably right after a big fat negative. Shaun came in the room and caught me with tears running down my face. He always seemed to walk in when I was watching some baby program (deliver me, baby story) and crying. He would always say, "Courtney, you have got to stop doing this to yourself!"--and then he would make me change the channel. But instead of getting on to me with F of B II, he sat down and watched it with me. I guess he realized that I needed to cry it out. One of my favorite parts is when Franck shows George the baby suite, and he says "Velcome to Baby Land." Well thanks to my sweet husband's very hard work last weekend, we now have our very own baby land. It is missing all of the final touches like curtains, accessories, and wall hangings but still we have a nursery! Here is a sneak peak...the pictures make the walls look like they have a lavender undertone but I promise it is straight up light blue.







And here was the last picture taken of me out and about..right before the big scare and bedrest...27 week bump.

And here we are celebrating 29 weeks! Wednesday is our official new week day, and we have decided to celebrate every Wednesday. I put on a cute shirt and my Henry necklace (Bridget gave to me as my Mother's Day gift--very special to me) before Shaun got home. Shaun brought home some nutty buddy ice cream cones, and we took a picture. I ended up changing my shirt before the pic because I didn't want to get any food on my shirt.



Oh and here is the blue glow that I get to enjoy from my couch...


This post would not be complete without a big thank you to my Mom! She got here last Thursday night, left a few hours ago to go back home, and she worked like crazy the entire time she was here! My kitchen cabinets and pantry are completely re-organized, bathrooms are clean, and a freezer full of yummy casseroles and soups are ready for us to eat. It was so great to have her here! I really enjoyed her company. Thanks Mom! Love You!

Bedrest: Day 7

Almost a week down!! It really wasn't that bad. I'm starting to get adjusted to the horizontal life. I haven't really accomplished anything this week...just lots of movies, tv, Internet surfing, and some reading. My mom arrived on Thursday night, and it makes a huge difference to have her here. Speaking of Thursday night, I spent another couple hours in labor and delivery. Shaun was on his way back from picking up my mom, and I was all alone at the house. All of a sudden I started having severe lower back pain and very strong lower pain/pressure. I of course completely freaked out and called my OB on his cell phone, and he told me to come in to the hospital. This was the first time during all of this that I was actually feeling pretty significant pain, and I thought we were in big trouble! I knew I couldn't drive myself so I called my friend that lives the closest to me to come pick me up. Poor thing, I think I really scared her! Of course we got behind the slowest person who was hardly even paying attention to the road. I started to get really emotional, but I held it together. Once we got to the hospital and through admissions, the nurse hooked me up to all of the monitors and also swabbed me for a fetal fibronectin (fFN) test. I was feeling so much pressure, but they weren't picking up very many contractions (lots of irritability but no big ones). Long story short...it was a false alarm. My back started feeling a lot better before I even got in bed from walking around...I now know that the lower back pain was just a symptom of two days of bedrest ;) because my back hurts all of the time now. And the pressure...how do I put this in a nice way?...apparently I was full of a ton of gas!! so tmi and I will spare you more details...but that is what it was! Procardia gives me constipation, gas, and hot flashes/flushing. It almost feels like taking clomid around the clock lol. But I'm not complaining! I've heard the other meds have much worse side effects so I'm hoping we can stick with procardia. The ffn test came back negative so that tells us that I only have a 3% chance of delivering in the next two weeks, which really put my mind at ease. Obviously we are not out of the woods yet, but I'm still sticking to my goal of making it all the way. Actually I've kinda adjusted my goal to 36 weeks, but I would still love to make it to August! As far as contractions go...I'm still having them. Last night was the worst I've had since last week, but today I've had what I affectionally call my "procardia jelly belly." You can tell the muscles are completely relaxed, which is what I want. My friend Andrea was here last night, and she felt a contraction and then felt again when it was a jelly belly...it completely freaked her out lol. In other news...I can't seem to get enough food. I'm eating like a cow! I really thought I wouldn't have a big appetite since I'm not moving around, but it is exactly the opposite. I want to make sure Henry is a big boy so I guess I'm just eating to make sure he gets chunky. We also have a nursery now! It is not an empty room anymore! Shaun painted the nursery blue this weekend and setup all of the furniture. Now it just needs cute curtains, wall hangings and accessories, but it feels so good to have a room for him now. From my couch I can see a little blue glow from his nursery, and it warms my heart. I will have to take a pic during one of my bathroom breaks and post some soon. Well sorry for such a rambling post...just had a lot of random bedrest thoughts.

Pre-term Labor & Bedrest

It is hard to even know where to begin with this post! The past couple of weeks I might have mentioned on my blog that I've been having tons of braxton hicks contractions. I tried to not let them concern me because they weren't painful, pretty irregular and "normal" for this time in pregnancy, but part of me was starting to feel like something wasn't right. It is so hard to know what is normal in pregnancy, but I felt like the frequency was starting to increase daily, and I had a hard time believing that women walked around with as many braxtons as I did. But I'm so tired of being "that" patient. I have not made it from one appointment to the next without having to come in this entire pregnancy (except from my 7wk to 11wk appt...but I think I called several times lol). Well Monday afternoon/evening I started to notice a significant increase in contractions. I figured I was just dehydrated or something so I started drinking tons of water. And I started timing them...they were one minute long, three minutes apart. I know at this point all of you are probably going to kill me for not going into L&D, but I didn't understand how they could be that close together and still not very painful if it was true labor. I decided that I had stressed myself out and that was causing the contractions so I just stopped timing and went to bed. When I got up yesterday morning...they were still there and still three minutes apart. I knew I needed to at least call and of course they wanted me to come in right away. They first did a trans vag u/s to check on the cervix, and they were happy with the length (think it was approx 2.8 cm (peaked at screen :)...down from 3.75 cm at 21 weeks), and I'm assuming that they didn't see any funneling or they would have mentioned it. At this point I'm thinking that once again I can't just deal with normal pregnancy sypmptoms and that I'm that super annoying patient. We did the usual urine and blood pressure and then they put me on the monitors. Well of course I felt nothing...it was like those bands had super powers :)...I had a couple but NOTHING like what I had the night before or that morning or even on the way to the doctor's. Several contractions or activity still showed up on the monitor so it was enough for my OB to decide to check my cervix. I saw his face, and I knew it wasn't good. I was just waiting for him to say that I'm like 3 cm dilated or something. It turns out I was only a fingertip dilated, but I shouldn't have ANY dilation at just 28 weeks with my "first" pregnancy (I always hate saying that but they are just speaking in terms that this is my first pregnancy to progress past first tri). So I was sent over to L&D for monitoring, and I again didn't have nearly as many contractions as I did at home. But I did have enough that they gave me one shot of terbutaline. I started seeing some really weird spots in my vision but fortunately it didn't last long and I also had a racing heartbeat (which is normal side effect from the shot). We thought one was going to knock it out...but activity started again so they gave me a procardia pill. At this point I need to mention how amazing my friends are...seriously they are the best. Shaun couldn't get out of work because he had an important all day conference call (of course he could have left if it got really bad!..he was just a phone call away). Claire and Bridget both knew that I would not ask for them to come up there so they just came, and it was so great having them there. They kept me VERY entertained. I loved how they asked a million questions so for once I didn't have to be "that" patient, and they were watching the monitor closely to look for contractions. Andrea and Jessica were texting me to check on me, and they were also just a phone call away. It makes a huge difference to face something like this with friends by your side. It really looked like the contractions were gone until right before my OB came to check on me...I had several more. They gave me another shot of terbutaline and later another procardia. This seemed to do the trick, and we were discharged around 8 PM with a prescription for procardia every 6 hours and strict bedrest until further notice. OB said we can re-evaluate the bedrest in 3 weeks if I don't have any episodes and no more changes to my cervix. As I'm typing this in bed right now, I'm still having some contractions so I'm not feeling very confident that this will just be a 3 week bedrest. Shaun is meeting my Dad to pick up my Mom tomorrow night so I will be very grateful to have her here. I know it might not be realistic, but I'm keeping my eyes set on 12 more weeks...that would put me at my due date of August 12th! I will lay here for 12 weeks if that is what it takes. We are very encouraged that Henry is looking great on the ultrasound and is still measuring a little over a week ahead. He also did really well on the monitors yesterday, which makes me happy. They did give me a steroid shot for his lungs to develop at the hospital yesterday, and I will get another dose at my ob's office today around 3. I know I'm leaving out info so please feel free to ask questions! I will update (maybe even via mobile--wow fancy) if I have to go into the hospital again or if anything changes this afternoon.

But after such a scary post...let me leave you with some 4D pics of sweet Henry. I know I'm partial, but he is a cutie! We had the 4D the Friday before Mother's Day, and we caught him yawning several times and playing with his toes. He is such a blessing, and he is just precious.







Caught in a yawn!

Thinking of all of you today

Today is the first Mother's day that I thought I wouldn't have tears running down my face, but I still do. This time...it is happy tears. Two years ago on Mother's Day, I took a pregnancy test and cried my eyes out. Last Mother's Day, I walked around church with a lump in my throat and hardly made it through. This Mother's Day, I cry again as my little boy wakes me up with his kicks. To say that I'm blessed to have our sweet Henry really doesn't put into words how I'm feeling today. I'm thinking of all of you today, and praying for God to surround you with His comforting arms today.

Trip to Labor and Delivery

Everything is okay, but boy did we have a scare! I woke up in the wee hours of Saturday morning with my underwear soaked. I tried to remain calm knowing that it could very easily be pregnancy related discharge so I changed and went back to bed to see if it continued to "leak." Woke up Saturday morning, and I was still having a significant amount of wet discharge so we didn't have any choice but to call the ob on-call. Fortunately the dr on call was my former OB/GYN (loved her...just not her nurse), and she was at the hospital so we met her there. I was pretty freaked out by the time we got to the hospital. We "quickly" (lots of paperwork) got checked-in and before I knew it I was changing into a hospital gown and giving a urine sample. They immediately got me in bed and got the monitors going to see if I was having any contractions and to monitor Baby Henry's heartbeat. Dr. C came right in with a portable ultrasound to check the fluid level. We were all relieved to see plenty of fluid surrounding him. He was also measuring a week ahead still, and Dr. C explained to us that if we had to deliver that he would probably do okay. I think Shaun and I both were pretty scared when we heard her say "if we had to deliver"..yikes!! Henry is not even close to being ready! Dr. C ran a ph test, fern test, and ffn test which all came back negative to our relief. Once I found out all of the test results, I completely calmed down. It was so nice to lay there and listen to my sweet boy's heartbeat. I was having discomfort/tightness...which I'm still having...and it was showing up on the monitor so my L&D nurse had me drink an enormous amount of ice water in a short amount of time. Apparently I have a "irritable uterus." I would be irritable too if I was stuck in this reproductive system...can you blame my poor uterus? After all of the cold water...Henry was no longer a happy camper, and he kicked and moved all over the place. They could not keep his heartbeat on the monitor after that, and they had to keep coming in to change the location of the doppler. He was such a good little guy at the beginning, but he had enough! And so did his Dad! Shaun was starving...it was almost 4 in the afternoon, and he only ate a little cereal in the morning. After my uterus seemed to calm down, they finally let us go! My L&D nurse was so sweet. I really hope she is my nurse for the real thing.

I went in Monday afternoon to see my OB, and he ordered another ultrasound just to make sure the fluid level was still great. The fluid level was perfect, and he was too cute in there...stretching out both of his hands. Ultrasound tech was sweet enough to give me some more pics of him, and she said that he will be the perfect size next Friday for our 4D...I can't wait!! So apparently I have a mild bacterial infection that might have caused the increase. I feel somewhat silly now for going to the hospital, but I'm going to do whatever I can to protect this little guy. Dr. C (the ob on-call) told us that she thought her water broke 5 times so that made me feel so much better. Below is a picture that Shaun took of me with his cell phone at the hospital...don't I look pitiful? It was really hard to drink all of that water when I needed to pee!

23 Weeks

Very Pregnancy Related Post

I can't believe it!! The weeks keep on flying by, and I'm really surprised that we are already 23 weeks along. I absolutely love being pregnant! I love feeling my sweet boy move around in my tummy. I love the way Shaun constantly put his hand on my tummy and moves up and down to feel how big my bump has grown. I'm absolutely amazed at the miracle that is taking place, and I find it so hard to believe that people can experience this and not believe there is a God. I will admit though that I feel like I need to take back some things that I said about some pregnant women when I was going through treatments. Probably one of the hardest things for me to hear through this journey was women complaining or just talking about the common aches and pains/symptoms of pregnancy and labor and delivery. Those comments hurt me so deeply emotionally that I would start to feel physically sick. I would tell Shaun to "slap me (obviously not literally) if I ever get pregnant and if I ever complain." I honestly thought that these women were exaggerating their symptoms (I'm sure some do) and that they needed to learn how to deal with a little pain. I will admit now that I didn't realize just how difficult/hard pregnancy can be on your body. I have pretty severe back pain, and reflux is making every meal and for some time after the meal very uncomfortable. But I still say slap me if I complain! I need to be grateful for every moment, every ache and pain because I realize how incredibly blessed I am to be able to carry my son.
Last Saturday was also a huge milestone for us...we registered at Bab.ies.r.u.s!! This was such a highly anticipated day for me that I actually talked to Shaun about my expectations on our drive over to the store. He just laughed at me because he knew what I was really saying was..."we've waited a long time to do this and we are going to do it right...no complaints about being tired or taking too long making a decision." We went down each aisle and discussed what we needed and what would be best. Shaun was great, and I even started to become the impatient one when he was looking at our travel system and the mechanics of how it worked. I knew I wanted that travel system because I knew other moms that had it, but he wanted to see exactly how it worked and if it would be the best. I was surprised by my confidence in picking out baby products...I guess I paid attention at all of those showers! But I was still walking around like I was in a dream. I ran into a friend of mine from my support group, and I couldn't even talk right. She should be here registering...not me. Why me??!! I wanted to be sensitive and everything that came out of my mouth was total crap. I just wish I could re-do that entire conversation...I would have said something completely different. It is interesting to me that I have run into 3 of the girls in my support group at different times at B.r.us. This is pretty incredible because it is not like we live in a small town. I'm almost starting to believe there is some significance to this and that God is showing us that He is placing each other in our lives for a purpose.

I know I'm a dork, but I wanted to take a picture to remember registering. People were seriously laughing at us when we were taking this pic as you can imagine.


And here is the most recent bump photo: I'm even way bigger than this photo...we are really growing these days!



Also, calling all IVF experts...Go over and encourage my friend Bridget through her ivf cycle. It was less than a year ago that we were both talking about how we were "not" going to give ourselves shots...and look at us now. She is a precious friend who has walked a most difficult journey. She is my hero.

The Closet

This afternoon I decided to tackle cleaning out our guest bedroom/future nursery closet. I really didn't anticipate how emotional it would be to start bringing everything out of that closet. The day that we found out that we lost Baby Faith, Shaun went around the house with a green Motherhood bag (yes I already bought some clothes) and collected every pregnancy related thing from around the house (ultrasound pics, clothes, prenatal vitamins, pamphlets from doctor office, estimated delivery cost statements, books). It was so sad to watch him go around the house collecting all of the items, and I really wasn't ready to put everything away, but I knew it was his way of protecting me. We also received many touching cards from family and friends that I knew I wanted to keep so I tucked them away in the closet. On a few occasions(probably in the middle of a two week wait), I would let myself buy a baby item with the logic that if it wasn't for me that I could give it to someone as part of a baby shower gift. My trips to the closet were always quick...place item and shut the doors. I was doing okay bringing everything out of the closet until I got to the cards. I started to read all of them and all of the emotional pain of that time came back to me. I couldn't stop my tears from flowing and honestly it felt good to grieve again. I think about Baby Faith often especially this time of year when I should be planning her one year old birthday party. I get asked frequently now if this is my first baby, and I feel a little lump in my throat and guilt every time I reply that he is. I don't know what else to say. Shaun saw me crying and took some time to look at her ultrasound picture. We talked about how strong her heartbeat sounded and what a gift that was to get to hear it.

Expecting a Miracle

Recently I received the question below from Hollie of Welcome to the Land of IVF. Hollie found out about two weeks ago that she is pregnant after her third IVF attempt, and we have all been celebrating her great hcg numbers!! Typically when someone leaves me a question in the comments section I hop over to their blog to answer, but I have too much to say to get it all in a comment form!

Hi Courtney! I need your help- how did you do it- getting pg again after a m/c and being calm? I am having trouble being anxiety-free with this new pregnancy! I thank God every day that He allowed this blessing, but I can't help but worry too. I'm always such a worrier! Knowing that you have "been in my boat", do you have some advice?? When did/do you stop worrying?

Pregnancy after infertility or loss is incredibly difficult. In a time when you feel like you should be "over the moon" in emotions and excitement, you are instead filled with an incredible amount of fear. This can in turn make you feel guilty for not celebrating your miracle, but your fear is completely normal. Infertility and loss takes away the innocence of pregnancy. Shortly after my bfp, I wrote a post about this called the Loss of Innocence. Pregnancy announcements have changed from "We're going to have a baby!!!" to "We're Pregnant!!!!!!!....today." The response of potential grandparents is no longer "oh that is so wonderful" but "we are cautiously optimistic." The countdown to the ultrasound and hearing that beautiful heartbeat no longer tells us that "everything will be okay" because it wasn't last time.
At the time that I wrote this I thought that by the end of my first trimester, I would be able to relax. I will say that with each passing week and milestone I'm able to relax more, but the worrying is still there. So here are some thoughts and realizations that have helped me along the way.

Welcome to Motherhood!- My mom has helped me realize this (thanks Mom!). She still worries about all of us, and she is approaching forty years of Motherhood! I think that holding Henry in my arms will be a huge relief, but new worries will pop up..."is he eating enough?" "why is he crying? is he sick?" I already know that I need to be looking for a very accessible pediatrician. It has helped me to accept that worrying is going to be a part of my life and something that I will struggle with as a mom of a sweet miracle from God. With that said, God does call us to cast all of our worries and burdens on Him because we can trust Him to take care of us. Just as you prayed for God to give you this most wonderful miracle, trust Him with your worries.

Celebrate!- When I look back on my loss, the one thing that I'm so glad that I did and that I will never regret is celebrating. A miracle has taken place! God has created life within you. Celebrating is not being "too innocent" or "counting your chickens before they hatch." You and your husband have a baby now that will forever change you and that you will forever love no matter what happens. Shaun and I went out to dinner to celebrate our first beta confirming that we were pregnant. I told my close friends that have walked this journey with me. Shaun brought home a big box wrapped in baby wrapping paper with a "pregnancy couch rest" blanket and pillow (my favorite present that he has ever given me). With my loss, a friend of mine gave me a little yellow and green blanket when she found out I was pregnant. It was a comfort to me to have something physical that I could hold on to and cry. I can't wait to see Henry holding it close to him. Make sure to celebrate all of the milestones. Believe me...it will help you get through the first trimester: first beta, second beta, six week ultrasound, last RE appt, first OB appt...anything and everything you can find to celebrate.

Don't be surprised by shock- Most days I feel like I'm walking around in a dream. It is very hard for me to believe or let it sink in that I'm carrying a healthy beautiful baby boy and that I'm going to get to hold him in August. My good friend Bridget who has walked this journey with me pointed out the other night that she can tell it hasn't sunken in yet, and she doesn't think I will really get it until I'm holding Henry in my arms. She couldn't be more right. My mind can't even comprehend the miracle that has taken place. I thought a few weeks ago "well maybe when I can feel him more" or "maybe after we have the big ultrasound and I know boy or girl"...these milestones just bring about more feelings of shock and an overwhelming awe that this is actually happening.

“Plenty of Time”

As promised… this is the first in a series of posts about infertility.

One of the most common misconceptions of infertility right along with “just relax and you will get pregnant” is my personal favorite “but you are too young to be infertile.” If I had a dollar for every time someone told me “but you are so young” during this journey including doctors and nurses, I probably could have paid for my infertility treatments with the money. Believe me….I understand where this misconception comes from…I’m surrounded by women in their 20s getting pregnant on their very first cycle trying, when they were being “very careful” to not get pregnant or my favorite… their husband just looked at them (still trying to figure out how that happens). I previously thought that these women were the exception to the rule (you know the “fertile myrtles”) but now I understand that they are just plain normal…they are the 9 out of 10 couples in their 20s without infertility. But what about us? What about the 1 out of 10 couples in their 20s with infertility? 1 out of 10 is significant.

Shaun and I started dating when we were 15, married at 21, and stopped using birth control right around my 22nd birthday. Not the typical timetable for most couples! When we stopped using birth control, I just knew we were going to get pregnant within a few months. It took something like 60 days for me to get my first period after birth control (of course I just “knew” I was pregnant) and my cycles after that were forever long. I had irregular cycles in college, but we weren’t having sex so I wasn’t keeping up with the amount of days between cycles. Probably about six months into having sex without birth control and my crazy cycles, I started to realize that there was a problem and that it was most definitely with me. I felt so ridiculous to care so much about having a baby when it wasn’t even the right “time” for us. Looking back I now understand why I cried so hard at the negative pregnancy tests…I was slowly realizing that something wasn’t right, and it scared the crap out of me. Even though we were young and Shaun wasn’t ready to try for a baby (which in our world meant starting clomid) mainly for money reasons, I mentioned to my gyn about my concerns. Couple tests later including a semen analysis on Shaun and our suspicions were confirmed, I didn’t ovulate and Shaun was as fertile as a bull. 23 and infertile was a tough pill to swallow. Of course I didn’t realize the extent of our infertility until much later.

Around the time of our diagnosis is when the questions started, “oh when are y’all going to have a baby?” I can remember thinking that I wish I knew the answer to that and being a little disgusted at Shaun’s “when we get our finances in order” answer. Of course what was the poor guy going to say? “Well she doesn’t ovulate so we will just have to see.” No one would have ever guessed that we would have trouble and honestly I don’t blame them for it. This is when I started to feel really alone. I struggled daily with how often my thoughts would turn to thinking about having a baby or trying to conceive. This continued to get worse over the years. What is wrong with me?? I’m in my early 20s!! Why do I care right now? I really beat myself up over this as you can see from this post. Joining the infertility blogging community was seriously one of the most wonderful blessings to me in this journey because I started to see that I wasn’t crazy…there were other girls out there just like me! Around the same time I started this blog, I also was blessed to join a support group in town. I was terrified to go to the first meeting. I knew I needed support, but I was so scared that they were going to think I was crazy for calling myself infertile at my age. I probably said, “I know I’m young” like ten times during my first meeting. They were incredibly sweet to me, and I felt an instant bond with the women in the group. I started to realize that it wasn’t about my age. I was infertile…I knew about it…I desired a child…and I needed to be there. Several meetings later a young woman with severe endometriosis came to the group for the first time that was my same age. I watched her raw emotions after a failed IVF cycle, and all of a sudden my emotions felt validated. I held her hand so tight as we prayed for God to create life in us with tears running down our faces. It was real…real pain, deep desires…nothing young or innocent about it. Through these experiences, I slowly started to accept where I was in my life. This led to more openness with our church, work, family, friends and even some acquaintances and gave us the strength to make difficult decisions about treatments.

There is nothing easy about infertility at any age…nothing comforting about having “plenty of time” when all you want is to hold your baby now. Yes statistics show a more successful response to treatment with a younger age on average, but every couple’s situation is different. My FSH number was higher than a woman in her mid 30s and a woman reaching 40 in my support group. This is a pretty good indication that my clock is tick-tocking at a much faster rate than most women my age. The friend that I mentioned above has such severe endometriosis and pain associated with that disease that she is now considering a hysterectomy after two failed IVF attempts. We aren’t guaranteed “plenty of time,” and there isn’t a perfect age to start seeking treatment or for becoming more aggressive.

It's A....

We are so blessed! Baby is healthy and happy! Yesterday was one of the best days of our lives. It was amazing.

Tomorrow is a Big Day!

Tomorrow morning is our big ultrasound, and Shaun and I just can't wait to find out if our sweet baby is a boy or a girl! Pretty much everyone including me, strangers, coworkers, friends, and some family (my entire family thinks girl-but that is just because I'm the only girl in my fam with 3 older brothers) feels strongly that our baby is a boy! I have felt for sure since pretty much the beginning of this pregnancy that our baby is a boy so I'm going to be very shocked if it is a girl. Shaun has gone back and forth, but right now he is placing his guess that our baby is a boy since everyone keeps telling him that is what we are having based on my symptoms! And since he is an engineer, he is using his logic to make a guess since "statistically we have a higher chance of conceiving a boy with an IUI timed right at ovulation." I think this goes without saying if you are a reader of my blog, but I do want to emphasize in all of this guessing fun that we just want a healthy baby. We realize how blessed we are to have our sweet little one! I did put up a poll at the top of the blog so you have 24 hours to enter your guess!! Leave me a comment and let me know what you guessed! Below is the most recent belly shot at 17 weeks (I'm 18 now).

Good News for our Georgia Peaches

According to the AP and several other sources, the Georgia bill that would severely limit IVF in Georgia is most likely dead as it was sent to a Senate sub-committee yesterday for further research. I hope that we have all learned from this the importance of staying together as a community to fight for each other.

Wow! Everyone seemed to have a good time debating in my comments section yesterday. There were some very hurtful and honestly ridiculous comments left, but I have decided to leave them so that it is clear who is truly behind this bill. I will admit that they did get to me yesterday, but I'm over it this morning. God was with us every step of our infertility. He led us to the right doctor. He gave us peace about the right treatment option for us. He brought me to other Christian women going through the same journey who held my hand and prayed me through. He was there the days of our IUIs in our dr.'s office when we were left alone for ten minutes, and Shaun held my hand and prayed for a miracle. He provided comfort and hope when all we saw were negative tests. And He was there the day that we saw our miracle from Him with the most beautiful heartbeat. God creates life. God sustains life. But God works through medicine and doctors and procedures everyday in all areas of medicine.

I also had a lengthy email conversation with the Legislative Director of the organization that was behind this bill. He claims that all IVF language was removed from the bill. This must be a recent development because I read the bill in full on the Georgia's State Legislature website Wednesday afternoon, and it was all still there. Of course, this would be a major step in the right direction, but I will reserve my judgement of the bill until I read the actual new or revised bill in full.

Yesterday's debate was informative, but any hurtful comments left today will be removed. This is a place where women and men who are suffering through infertility can encourage and uplift eachother so unless you find that your comment fits into that category...I suggest you find another venue to express your extreme views. I also encourage commenters to leave positive comments on how you have seen God work through your infertility treatments.

Georgia Bill Seeks to End IVF

It came to my attention yesterday (thanks to LFCA) that Georgia has proposed legislation (SB 169) that would virtually shut down IVF in Georgia. The bill calls for many regulations, but the following I find most troubling.
-Couples under 40 could only attempt to fertilize 2 eggs through in-vitro, a max of two embryos would be potentially fertilized and transferred. No freezing allowed.
-Couples over 40 could attempt to fertilize and transfer up to 3 embryos with again no freezing allowed.
The authors of this bill obviously timed out the proposal of this bill correctly with the Octo-Mom controversy. They are trying to say that this bill would protect women and children from multiple births. But let's talk about what will actually happen if this bill is passed:
-No more in-vitro in Georgia. I would have a hard time believing that any patient, let alone any RE would use IVF as treatment under these conditions.
-Freezing would not be an option- Sometimes a patient hyperstimulates from the drugs, and it is not safe to complete the transfer. In this scenario, the doctor and patient would have no other choice (since freezing isn't an option) to risk the patient's health by continuing with the transfer.
-Patients that have little time left and/or egg supply would not be able to have embryos for future use.
-More high order multiple births in Georgia. One of the purposes of IVF is to try to prevent high order multiples. If this bill was passed, couples in Georgia would have no other option but to opt for using injectable cycles to try to conceive. Everyone agrees that this treatment option has a much higher rate of high order multiples.

As the infertility community, we have to speak up on this issue. There are already headlines out there that read, "Bill would prohibit octuplet mother scenario in Georgia." This is not accurate. The headlines should read "Bill would end IVF in Georgia." Speak out through a link provided on the RESOLVE website or comment on these articles with the right information. A simple search of "Georgia bill" in Google News will make your stomach turn. There is so much misinformation out there about this bill. Don't let them fool you and your neighbors, this bill was created as an attempt to use the Octo-Mom controversy to end infertility treatments in Georgia.

The Best Compliment

Today was a very special milestone for me. My first stranger noticed my belly and felt confident enough to say something to me! I told Shaun on our way into the restaurant for lunch that I really shouldn't have left my jacket in the car because I didn't look prego...and my belly just looked "weird." We were in line for probably not even a minute when I heard....
Old Man with his cute wife: Ma'am! Ma'am!!(Don't forget that I live in Mississippi)
Court: (turned around to talk to him)
Old Man: You are a beautiful mother..and you sir (pointing to Shaun)are a lucky man!
Court: Oh thank you! thank you!!
Shaun: I'm very lucky...you are right.
Well I don't think the smile left my face for the rest of the lunch. Shaun was cracking up because he knew I was so, so happy. It was seriously such a sweet thing for him to say, and it was so cute how hard he worked to make sure he got my attention. He also called me a mother, which was just music to my ears.

On a side note...I'm happy to report that I don't think my RE is going to forget me anytime soon (not that I really thought for a second that he would forget my craziness/medical-wanna-be questions--my support group does not just call me Dr. Courtney for fun!). I know seven of his current patients...two of which are my really good friends. Well apparently my one good friend went to an appt and kept saying...."yeah Courtney told me that." The next morning, my other good friend must have also mentioned my name because she texted me "Dr. H says that you know everyone." I really don't know that many people here since I just moved here twoish years ago, but I do know a lot of his patients, and I'm so grateful to God that He has placed these women in my life. I can't put into words what a blessing they are to me.

Lately I have been especially blessed by some very special comments left by women who have stumbled to my blog through google. A big shout out to Sue in Canada. Your comment really touched me, and I hope with you that this is your cycle. As much as I want to keep everyone updated about my pregnancy, I still feel called to talk frequently about infertility and to provide encouragement to those of you still waiting. I'm not going to promise, but my goal is to post an infertility related post once a week. I think my first topic is going to be the most common misconception about infertility (and there are many!!), but I believe this is the most common. Another item that has really been on my heart lately is praying for my little one. I pray often for the safety and health of my baby, but I want to start praying more specifically. I plan on including these prayers at the end of any pregnancy related post, and I hope that many of you will join with me in prayer for the baby that we trust that God has for you.

Prayer for My Little One: Lord I pray that my little one will come to know you at a very young age and that his/her faith in You will continue to grow deeper as he/she grows.